Not Again
by KaiaLuna
Summary: Bella is alone. A brief encounter with Victoria has her leaving Forks but three years later Charlie has tracked her down. Bitter about the past, what happens when Paul imprints on her? Will she accept him and the pack and stay in La Push or leave again?
1. Chapter 1

**This is one of a few Paul and Bella ideas I had for a short story. It picks up from when Jacob phases and stops talking to Bella. Only she doesn't go confront him and I take the story away from canon from there to something new. I hope you enjoy. Please review.**

I felt my heart rend into another jagged hole. I thought that _they_ had obliterated my heart. I was wrong. I loved Jacob. Maybe not the way he wanted me to love him, but still as truly and deeply, as it is possible to love. _They_ had torn a hole in me, the jagged edges cutting deeper all the time. Now there was a new hole, the one my best friend had punched through me. How many holes could a person live with? It felt like I was physically holding myself together at times and now it hurt just to breathe. I ran into Quil one day, he was alone now to. Both Jacob and Embry had gone to Sam. We became friends of a sort. He had a thing for Angela who was still dating Ben Chaney. I never wanted to date again. Never wanted to care about anyone, or hear the false promises of always and forever. It was all lies. Love was a lie. I was broken. There were only two people I spent any time with now, Angela and Quil, and I was as prepared as I could be for the day when they both left me to.

Charlie rarely spoke to me. He had been on my case about Jacob for a while until one day I couldn't take it and I screamed at him, how his precious Jacob was the one who didn't want anything to do with me. How he had lied and broken me. When Charlie brought up my mother, I told him if he didn't want me then he could send me to live with Renee but the moment he put me on the plane I would never be back. He never brought up Jacksonville or my mother again. I cooked our meals and did all the same things I had before but Charlie ate in the living room and that was the only time we interacted at all. The rest of the time I saw him only in passing.

Then one Saturday I had plans with Quil, I went to First Beach but he never showed. As I walked back to my truck, I saw him walking across the street with Sam and his boys. I closed my eyes and swallowed back the tears.

"Goodbye Quil." I whispered the only thing I could say. He was lost to me now. A small hole split open in my chest one that would grow a couple weeks later when I saw Quil pick Angela up from school. Sam had taken her too. She broke up with Ben and Quil would pick her up everyday. She still tried to talk to me once or twice but I knew I had lost her. I spoke to no one now, going from school to home, studying, doing housework or sitting, staring out the window into the woods. I didn't bother to pretend and Charlie could do nothing. I was eighteen.

I skipped graduation and drove out to the La Push cliffs. I sat cross-legged at the edge and looked out across the water. I don't know how I knew I wasn't alone, or how I knew it was her but I did so I spoke.

"I'm sorry." I kept my eyes on the ocean but I could almost feel her listening, "I was never worth your suffering." I sighed biting back tears, "I don't know why they protected me, a game perhaps, but if this is what you feel, if it's even close to how you feel, then I'll even be grateful to die." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I hope you make Edward pay to. Whatever your sins are, no one deserves to feel this, to be broken like this. James should never have been taken from you." I could feel the hot trail of the tears that slipped past my eyes. "My time came and passed but you'll correct that now. You'll correct the mistake. End my suffering." I closed my eyes and waited for the pain but it never came. In the distance, I heard a howl and then I felt a wave of cold air, when I opened my eyes I could see the red of her hair moving out in the open ocean.

I wiped my tears and went home. The next morning a bouquet of white tulips was delivered for me. The note was not signed. It didn't need to be; I knew they were from. Victoria.

_There is no end to suffering. Life is hard; it is my gift and my curse to you. White tulips for forgiveness, because you know my pain. So will he. I promise this to us both. Live Bella. Take the pain inside of yourself and use it to make you stronger. _

I carried the flowers up to my room and put the vase on the windowsill. I sat in the rocking chair and gently rocked, staring at the flowers and the woods beyond my window. The words of her note repeated themselves in my mind. As the morning drizzle stopped and the clouds parted for an afternoon of weak sunlight. I took a deep calming breath and got up.

I packed a small duffel and took one last look around my room. I went back to the window and took one of the white flowers. In the kitchen, I grabbed a pen and the message pad.

_Dad – I'm sorry for how it all turned out. Thanks for everything. I'll see you again one day. I love you – Bella._

I left the note on the table and went out to my truck. My first stop was the bank, I emptied my account, the amount was paltry but it was enough until I found a place to stop. I climbed into my truck and drove South and East. I made it all the way to Kansas before my truck gave out.

I spent three months in a town smaller than Forks, working at a cheap diner off the highway before catching a ride with a girl who worked at the one and only bar in town to New Orleans.

We found a cheap place in the French Quarter. It was a third floor walkup with two bedrooms and one bathroom with utilities included for $600 each. We found jobs together, part-time in a local bar and in a coffee shop to pay the rent. We split groceries and neither of us watched TV or particularly needed a phone so we didn't bother with cable or a landline. We just went out and got pre-paid cell phones together. We made minimum wage, which just barely covered rent and groceries each month. We lived off the tips we made at the bar and both of us worked more than fifty hours a week including doing some under the table tutoring work. Sunday was the only day and night that neither of us worked. We both slept in, Saturday was a good night at the bar, then we'd do our house cleaning, with barely 1000 square feet this took less than an hour, we'd get the weeks groceries and go for brunch before spending the afternoon wandering the markets, listening to music at a local watering hole or reading at a cheap café.

Lisa didn't ask about my life before I turned up in Kansas and I didn't ask about hers. Here in New Orleans, I was Bell Marie and she was Lisa Anne, no last names, no past, no families, we lived together and were each other's only friend. We looked out for each other but left anything below the surface well enough alone.

It was three years before anyone from my old life tracked me down. Charlie was getting remarried. I stared at the invitation for hours.

"You figuring on heading back?" Lisa sat down next to me, handing over a fresh bottle of beer.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure why he bothered tracking me down after three years."

"You're his kid."

"Your parents track you down?"

"My dad's dead and my mom remarried and got herself a new family. Left me when I was sixteen."

"Well he's getting a new family now to. Wife and two kids."

"He still sent the invite." She shrugged, "Up to you but I'll cover you at the café and you know August will let you off no problem at the bar."

"Yeah." I nodded and took another drink. She didn't ask any more questions and I didn't ask her any. We drank in silence; the heat of the Louisiana summer abating slightly as the night rose, signaling us to get our butts to work.

It was a busy night. Friday's always are. I was tired when we got back but the invitation was still sitting on our coffee table when we got back, staring at me.

Fuck it. Charlie didn't ever do anything to deserve to be ignored. He tracked me down and sent the invitation I could at least show up.

Five days later and I was on a plane to Seattle. Lisa and I had taken a bus to New Orleans and never bothered to get a car. We walked where we needed to go, so I was a little nervous getting behind the wheel of the rental car the next day. Not driving for three years will leave you a little rusty.

I stayed in Seattle the night and found my dad a wedding gift before leaving. I didn't have a whole lot of capital, I lived in second hand and vintage stores and I had no idea what they would need or want so I got them a beautiful silver engraved picture frame for their wedding photo.

I was on the road by noon. I put on a CD of old New Orleans Jazz and tried to calm my nerves. I was definitely not the same girl that had left Forks. I had no reason to be afraid. The weak and broken Bella was gone. I was Bell. Bell Marie.

Instead of an awkward, somewhat shy girl in converse and figure hiding clothes, I was a confident bitch in four inch black stilettos and black eyeliner. My clothes were a mix, some days I went with a modern twist on twenties prohibition era dresses, other times 50's pinup girl with high wasted tight pencil skirts or sweetheart dresses but deep down I was still a jeans girl. The ones I wore now were just trendier than three years ago and tighter; I stuck to skinny jeans now with a black leather jacket, multi layer necklaces and an oversized slouched bag. Each look was very different but they all seemed to work for me, it just depended on my mood. Today I was more the rock bitch and settled on my tightest dark wash jeans, a loose dark gray racer back tank and my staple stilettos and black fedora. I loved that hat.

It took just over three hours to reach my old house. It looked so empty and dark. I wondered if Charlie hadn't sold it. The note he sent with the invitation was short and indicated he had moved, so why wouldn't some new family be living in our old house? Maybe they were just out right now or out of town for the summer. Still it looked the same as when I left, just, lonely.

I shook away the thoughts and pulled out the note. _Bella – If this reaches you. Please come. At least call. Let me know you are alive and ok. I live with Sue in La Push now. 1256 Eagleside Way. Phone number is the same. I had it moved out here in case you called home._

I could only imagine how hard it had been for Charlie to write that short message. He wasn't good with emotions but his pain and worry and love flooded me with each word.

I drove the still familiar route to La Push. I drove to the address; it was only a block from the Black house. It looked empty. I forced myself out of the truck and walked up to the door. No one answered so I sat on the front stoop and pulled my iPod out of my purse and sang softly to the music. It wasn't long before I felt eyes on me and looked up.

Fuck. I hadn't been here ten minutes and already I was faced with Sam and his boys. I knew I should have stayed home and just sent money.

"Bella." I saw Sam's mouth move. I didn't bother to turn down the music or stand up. I just stared at him.

The guy with him was one I didn't recognize. "I'm Seth. Sue's son." He introduced himself, stepping forward. Time to play nice I guess.

I stopped the music and stood up, pulling the ear buds off. "Bell, Charlie's daughter. He at work?"

Seth nodded, "He'll head over to Billy's after, my mom is already there. We're having a cookout for their night before the wedding dinner thing."

I snorted and corrected him, "Rehearsal dinner." Ok, so nice wasn't really my thing anymore. "Fine. Tell him I'm here. I'll be by in the morning before the wedding."

"You are welcome to join us for dinner." Sam spoke up again.

I rolled my eyes, great, I had the assholes permission; I shall jump for joy and kneel at his feet in submission like the rest of his lackey asshole followers. Fuck you very much. I ignored him and walked over to my rental, "Tell Charlie I'll see him in the morning."

"Please, he'll be so excited you're here and mom will want to get to know you. There will be plenty of food." Seth continued. He seemed like a sweet guy.

I was not sweet. "No." I climbed in and slammed the car door. They both watched me as I reversed and drove out of La Push. I had no desire to stay in Forks either, so I drove out to Port Angeles and got a room. I dumped my small bag in the room and headed out to find a bar. I needed a fucking drink. I was angrier than I had been in a long time. Just being in the area made me seethe with hatred and anger, for the Cullen's, for Jacob, for Quil and Angela and especially for Sam. The fucker should have just let me die in the woods. Victoria should have fucking killed me. I didn't want to die or anything so melodramatic, I just knew my time had come and gone more than once but I was still here kicking it. Living the curse and gift of existence. Victoria was right, suffering doesn't end, it just becomes part of us, makes us stronger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

The bars in Port Angeles were not the same as in New Orleans. Well, they weren't the same as the ones I frequented. After a couple drinks, I went back to the hotel and lay in bed. I never slept much. It made working later nights easier but on nights like tonight it gave me to much time to think. I really didn't like having the time to think, especially not here in Washington after having seen the grand ass hat himself. The man who saved my life and then stole what small happiness my miserable existence found, Jacob then Quil and even Angela.

I watched the sunrise and then showered. Today I went with my 50's pinup girl look with a red and white checkered sweetheart top halter dress that was fitted to the waist and then floated down loose to mid-thigh. I painted my nails and toes a matching red before putting it on with four inch red peep toe stilettos. I tossed my cell, wallet and room key into my clutch and walked out to the car. It was still early but the house looked busy already.

I was met with a beautiful tall and very fit native girl before I reached the front steps.

"Seth said you were here. I'm Leah. Charlie is at Billy's getting ready, this is the bride's spot this morning."

"Ok. Thanks." I turned around but before I could make it back to my car, I was stopped again.

"Why are you here?" The question was more of a demand than a question.

I spun around and gave her the bored and disdainful look I gave to men at the bar who hit on me. "My father asked me to be here. Don't worry, I'll be gone as soon as they cut the cake." I pulled open my car door and climbed in, slamming the door and driving to the Black house. I so did not want to go in there.

When I arrived, the place was almost as busy and twice as full as the other house. I almost turned around as soon as I saw Sam and his gang all in the yard in khaki pants with white collared shirts, fucking clones, same clothes, same haircut and same fucking massive, probably steroid induced, forms.

I forced myself to park the car and climbed out. They had all gone quiet as soon as I pulled in.

"Leah said Charlie was here." I refused to look at any of the Sam clones, focusing on the head asshole himself.

"Inside with Billy."

I nodded and walked into the house without speaking again.

Charlie beamed as soon as he saw me.

"Sam said you'd come! I'm so glad the invitation found you. You should have stayed for dinner last night. How was the trip?"

"Jet lag." I lied, he just looked so fucking happy to see me, "The flight was fine, I drove in from Seattle." I hugged him, "Congratulations."

"Thanks Bells." He smiled at me again, "Can't really believe this is happening."

"Just say the word and I'll drive the getaway car." I joked.

He chuckled, "Nah, I'm more excited than nervous. Sue is great. She had a rough time of it after Harry passed. We just got closer over the last couple years. I wont replace him but we make each other happy. Be nice to grow old with someone."

"Yeah." I smiled at him.

"Anyone in your life?"

I shook my head, "No one special."

"Oh well, I'm sure you'll meet the right one when the time comes."

I couldn't help the huff of air and eye roll, "Not likely."

He looked at me, concerned for a moment, "Bells, I…"

I cut him off, "So this show goes on the road at eleven?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Over at the council building, then we have a lunch at the diner, they've got it all done up nice like with flowers and that. The young people will have a bonfire tonight too but Sue and I will be off on the four o'clock ferry to Vancouver Island."

"Great. I'll make it back to Seattle before it gets dark."

"Seattle?"

"My flight is early, I'm just going to sleep at the airport hotel tonight."

"You aren't staying then?" I could see the brightness in his eyes dim but he forced himself not to stop smiling. "At least you made it out for the wedding though. I'm glad you did. Just wish the visit was a bit longer. You know Sue and me are only going for the weekend. You could stay at the house while we are gone, visit with old friends and then we could have a proper visit next week."

"I don't have old friends." I couldn't bite back the rancor but I immediately felt bad and gentled my voice, "I have to get back to work. August is covering for me last night and tonight but tomorrow I need to be in. Lisa is pulling doubles at the café to cover me on top of her shifts at the club, we can't afford to miss much work."

"Right of course." He nodded. "Maybe another time, when you aren't so busy."

He still looked sad, I didn't want to tell him my schedule didn't ease up, I always worked six days a week. I always needed the money. What's more, I always needed to be busy. "Yeah, maybe another time."

Billy broke the awkward silence that followed this exchange, "Better finish getting ready Charlie, don't want to risk being late, there will be time to chat once we get there." It was only nine thirty but Charlie nodded and disappeared down the hall. "How are you Bella?"

Immediately I was less grateful for the end to the awkward conversation with Charlie, "Fine. You?" Any affection that warmed my voice while speaking with Charlie was instantly frozen over as I faced his best friend.

Billy nodded, "Fine, good. Glad to see you here. It was important to Charlie to have you be here. He's missed you, worried a hell of a lot these last few years."

"Yeah, well, I'm here and I'm fine."

"Right, well, maybe you could think about sticking around a few days for him so he can see that for himself. Maybe its time to grow up; be responsible and think about the people who care about you."

"Fuck you." The quiet response seemed to stun him, "My relationship with Charlie is none of your business. I have responsibilities and a life in New Orleans. I got an invitation a week ago and dropped everything to come here for him. You're just a petty and judgmental old man and you don't know anything about me or my life." I took a deep breath to calm myself, "Look, neither of us wants Charlie upset today; you, Sam and his fucking clones can go on ignoring my existence just like you did when I lived here and I will be gone by four."

We stayed there in silence until Charlie came back out.

"Everything ok?" He asked looking from Billy to me.

I pasted on a wide smile, "Sure. You're looking sharp dad."

"Eh," He grunted, wiping his hands down his shirt. "Thanks." He looked back to me, "You look real pretty too, grown up but real beautiful."

I blushed a little and smiled at him, "Thanks dad. Be twenty-two soon."

"Yeah, right." He nodded, "I'd have sent you something for your twenty-first but I didn't know where to send it. Your mom said she didn't speak to you either. Got you something anyways, incase you came around. It's at the house. I don't go there much. Billy here keeps trying to get me to sell it, lower costs and that but I don't know. Thought maybe you might want it if you came back." He didn't look at me when he spoke, "If you leave New Orleans maybe you can leave me a phone number or something, maybe call sometimes and let the old man know you are ok. It took almost three months to find you for the wedding invitation; even then, I wasn't real sure it was you."

"I will. I promise." I swallowed, "I'm sorry dad."

He nodded and I knew his eyes, like mine, were shining with tears.

"Best we be getting on then." He nodded and our emotional reunion was finally past. Slightly awkward and painful but we both got across what we needed to.

"Right, let's get you married." I smiled a watery smile at him.

"Will you stand up with me? Leah and Seth are standing with Sue and Jake's standing with me but it'd mean a lot if you did to."

I clenched my jaw at the mention of Jacob standing with my father but forced a smile, I had hurt Charlie so much, I would suffer standing with Jacob for him, "Of course dad. I'd love to."

The ceremony was short but very sweet. We took photos at the beach afterwards and then went to the diner. It really was done up, almost unrecognizable with white tablecloths and beautiful bouquets of flowers everywhere.

I spoke to Sue for a bit but no one else. I picked at the food, listened to the toasts, and waited for the happy couple to depart. They left for Port Angeles at three to be sure they got their ferry. I hugged Charlie and Sue both, kissing my father on the cheek.

As soon as the car was out of sight, I was ready to hightail it out. All I needed was to grab my clutch from the table inside. My duffle was already in the trunk of the rental car.

I spun on my stiletto heal and hurried over to the corner I had found and grabbed it from the table.

"You don't have to leave."

I spun around, glaring at the ass hat. "No, it being a free country and all, I can be here if I want to. I can also leave which is what I want to do."

"Charlie has missed you."

"Yeah well that's between him and me."

"Bella…"

I cut him off, "Fuck off Uley. I have nothing to say to you and you have nothing I want to hear." I leveled my best heartless bitch look at him, "I'm leaving. I doubt I'll ever be back but if I'm ever stupid enough to let someone get close to me, I'll send you a memo so you can add them to your clone collection. There is my roommate Lisa of course, but since she hates small towns and cold climates, you might have your work cut out for you and I'm not sure you'd find it worth the effort. I've had a hell of a lot worse pain and to be honest I just don't fucking give a damn but whatever gets your rocks off. Now move."

He sighed but shifted out of my way. All of the others were watching us, his clones glaring at me angrily as if they had heard every word from their various spots across the room. I glared back at them and head held high, I walked out.

"Bella!" I spun around and saw Seth jogging up to me. "Charlie asked me to get this for you." He handed me a small box wrapped in balloon paper. The tiny white card read _Happy 21__st__ Bells – Love Dad_. I sent my new brother a small smile in thanks.

It wasn't until I got to Seattle that I opened the box. It was a white gold heart locket with a heart made of small diamonds inlaid. I opened it and on one side was a photo of my dad holding me as a baby. On the other side was engraved, _Never forget that I love you_. I bit back tears and slipped the chain around my neck. It was then I saw the folded paper that he had tucked under the locket, I carefully unfolded it and read the words of a tear stained page.

_Bella – It's been just over two years since I last saw your face and so much longer since the last time I saw you smile. I worry every day that you are ok, that you are safe and that you are happy. I should have fought for you when Renee left, I missed you every day but a little girl needs her mother. I should have told you everyday that I love you. I should have protected you from heartbreak or at least found a way to help you heal. There are so many things that I regret and I am sorry for them all. I should have been a better father. I have loved you beyond anything imaginable since the first moment I held you in my arms. If I could shelter you from all the hurt both past and future, I would give my last breath to do so. My beautiful daughter, I wish you every happiness in life and while I wish I could be part of that life, I will be content so long as you are safe and happy. I miss you and should you find your way back home, know that I will be waiting. Whatever this world brings you, wherever it takes you, never forget that I love you; I always have and always will. Happy Birthday Bells. – Love Dad._

"Fuck." I swore, wiping the tears from my damp cheeks. I pulled my cell phone from my purse and called Lisa.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lise."

"Hey Bell. How'd the wedding go?"

"Fine, listen, I need to stick around a bit, do you think you can arrange for my shifts at the café to get covered?"

"No vacation in three years? Of course, I can get it covered. Want me to call August too?"

"How did our two part time jobs become like having two full time jobs?"

"We work more overtime than the other staff combined and when you aren't working at the bar you're singing there."

"Right. I'll call August if you can deal with Jules."

"No worries."

"This ok for you?"

"Place is quiet without you B but with overtime and that cute new Sax playing cop I am peaches how about you."

"Ask me in a couple days."

"Rough visit."

"Emotional."

"I'm sure you will survive it bitch."

"Thanks heartless." I laughed at her. "Call you in a couple days, let you know when I'm coming back."

"I'll get you a week and try for two."

"Thanks."

"Whatever."

"Cash for rent is in the place in the kitchen and if you need extra this week since Jules was late with pay again or whatever reason, it's in the other place in the sitting room."

"You bring enough cash to last you there or want me to credit union you some?"

"I brought double what I figured I'd need and used less than estimate so I'm good for a few days at least but I'll need you to fast cash me on Monday. I have some saved in a false book in my room that should be enough. It's not one of those cheap false looking things though, it's a book I picked up second hand and carved out the middle before gluing pages together so it will look exactly like the others. It's in with the Charles Dickens's novels, called Bleak House."

"You ever figure we have to many hidey spots?"

"Nope, we get broken into they might get the grocery money and the mad cash but our savings and rent should be safe, even if they find one we've got the other, unless you want to open a bank account."

"Hey your past already tracked you down, you open a bank account."

"I'm just fine dealing in cash thanks."

"Yeah, me to. I'll stop at the credit union on my way to work Monday. Pick up is Port Angeles?"

"Yeah, and thanks again."

"Fuck off. Try to snag a lay while you are down there. It has been way to long for you girl and you don't need to worry about the fucker getting attached if he lives cross country."

"Fuck you very much. Go screw your cop and don't forget to talk to Jules asap."

"Yeah right, burning through my minutes, I'll stay reachable, talk soon."

"Yeah, I'll be reachable to. Call you next week. Mad love."

"Mad love bitch."

We both hung up the phone. I felt calmer after talking to Lisa and wanted to say fuck it and get on my flight but Charlie's letter still open on my passenger seat and the weight of the locket against my neck stopped me. Instead, I called August.

"Calling for more time off bitch?" He skipped the pleasantries, fucking caller id.

"How'd you know?"

"You haven't mentioned family in the three years you've been working for me. I figured you'd need more than three days. Already booked you off the week with a line up for a second should you need it."

"Thanks August."

"Anytime cher. You need me to expedite this months pay and wire it to you there?"

"Nah, thanks, Lisa is sending me enough for the visit but could you call the airline and change my ticket with your credit card? Just take the change fee off what you owe me."

"I'll take care of it, check your email for the update yeah."

"Thanks again for doing that."

"You girls ought to have a credit card for emergencies."

"I'd rather not risk the debt, better to just spend what I have."

"So you say. Ok, I'll take care of the flight. Email me when all is settled there and you are coming home."

"Will do; thanks again."

"Take care cher."

The final call made, I turned the car around and drove back to Forks, careful as the summer sun set. I made my way to our old house. No point wasting the money on a hotel when home was free. I still had my old key and used it to get in. The place was dusty and abandoned. I wandered through the rooms, memories and emotions flooding me. It took me an hour before I felt steady enough to do anything but there was no way I would find enough calm to sleep so I turned on the radio to an alternative rock station and opened the windows before setting about cleaning the house, top to bottom. I saved my bedroom for last. That was the hardest one. It was exactly as I had left it three years, seven weeks and four days before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

When I finished, I sat in the rocking chair and gazed around the room before staring at the floor trying to calm my pounding heart and even out my breathing. As I stared, I noticed a space in the floorboards, it was a tiny thing, no one would notice it unless they knew what to look for. Lisa and I had more than one of these little hidey-holes in our floor. I went over and pried the wood up not really expecting anything to be in there. What I found was like a kick in the gut. It was everything Edward had taken when he left, my CD and photos of him and the other Cullen's.

It took me a minute to fight back the pain but I let anger fill me, it was easier than the pain and it made me stronger. I took the items out back, put them in the old barbeque, and lit a match over them. I watched the edges of the photos curl before I shut the lid and went inside. I showered and crawled into bed but I couldn't sleep, not in that room. I took my blanket and pillow and went back downstairs to the couch. I would tell Charlie he should listen to Billy and sell the house. We both needed to just let go of the past. I could even help by starting to pack up.

The next day I did just that. I went to the store and got groceries for a few days and some packing supplies. Then I went back to the house, I blared music and started to carefully pack things up. I started with my old room before moving to the living room and then most of the kitchen. I had to leave a few things out to use while I was there. I boxed up everything else up, leaving only Charlie's room for him to do. Everything was carefully packed in boxes, labeled and stacked into a corner in the front room. That night I slept well, my day had been busy and I was exhausted.

The next day I pulled on my, dark wash skinny jeans, sky high electric blue stilettos, a lace edged electric blue tank, layers of necklaces, including the locket from Charlie, silver rings and dangling earrings with my black fedora. I packed the boxes from my room and drove to the Forks charity donation drop off. There was nothing but an old album of photos from summers with Charlie and a few books that I wanted to keep.

It was still only nine when I got back to the house and I wasn't sure what to do with my day. I knew Charlie and Sue were due back late tonight but I wasn't sure what to do with myself until I saw him the next morning. I wasn't used to having free time. Lisa and I didn't have time for free days, a couple free hours to sit in a café or wander the markets but never free days, we always had work or errands, things that needed to be done. Now there was nothing, so I wasn't sure if I was happy or pissed to see Seth sitting on my steps when I got back.

"You get up early."

"When I don't work nights I do." I replied.

"Want to go to the beach?"

"Why?"

"It's a nice day."

"Sam wont like you hanging around me." I informed him as I moved past him to the door.

"He knows I'm here."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, "Of course he does." One of his clones probably wouldn't shit without his permission.

"So the beach?" He reminded me of a puppy, always so happy and eager.

"Don't you work?"

"Not on Sunday. Is that a no?" He looked so disappointed.

I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my mouth, "No."

"So it's a yes?" The disappointment was replaced with an almost tentative excitement.

"No." I chuckled at his frown, "Did you eat?"

His whole face seemed to perk up at that, "You want to get breakfast?"

"I'll cook and then we can talk about the beach. Come on in." He was just too hard to turn away.

I cooked us both eggs and ended up using the entire carton, Seth was a big guy, all of the Sam clones were but I was still surprised by how much the kid could eat. I was also surprised when he ushered me out of the room as soon as I put my plate in the sink.

"I'll clean up, you go change for the beach." I found myself halfway to my old room to change before I realized I had yet to actually agree to go with him. There was just no saying no to him; it really would be like kicking a puppy.

I looked through my small duffle, I had one 20s style flapper dress, the 50s dress I wore to the wedding, a high waist 50s style fitted pencil skirt that reached just past my knees and two shirts that went with it, four tank tops and a pale wash distressed jean mini. My bag also held my red peep toe stilettos from the wedding, retro black maryjane stilettos and a pair of white wedges with cork bottoms.

I pulled off the outfit I had chosen today and changed into a plain white tank and the jean mini. It was half a size to big but I liked that it hung on my hips. I pulled on my white wedges, loath to wreck any of my shoes but I had not brought any beachwear. I tossed my fedora on the bed and pulled my nearly waist length hair into a ponytail.

"You ready?" Seth was waiting at the bottom of the stairs as I came down. "Aren't you going to wear your suit? The water is nice in the afternoon and we can go cliff jumping later. Also maybe you want to wear sandals or something."

I rolled my eyes at him, "I didn't bring a suit and these and the blue stilettos are the only sandals I brought."

"Right, ok, well maybe one of the girls can loan you a suit or something. Come on."

I followed him out of the house, "Girls?"

"Yeah. Emily is Sam's wife; they got married about two years ago. Kim is Jared's wife for about a year now and you know Quil's fiancé Angela, she went to Forks High. Then there is Jacob's girl Holly and my girl Jenna, I'm sure you met them all at the wedding. Embry, Paul and the twins are still single. Not surprising really I guess, Embry is a player, Paul's an ass and the twins still have a year to go in school, so does my Jenna. My sister, well our sister now, Leah, she's just met someone, finally, his name is Mark. I guess he's related to Jacob's brother-in-law in Hawaii or something. Anyways, he came here for work for the summer and now he's moving down to be with her. He wasn't able to come to the wedding though so you wont have met him. I think he makes the move on Thursday. He's a marine biologist, not sure what he'll do here but I'm sure he'll find something and Leah is real happy."

I could feel the tension tightening every muscle in my body. "We're meeting Sam and his clones."

"We aren't clones. We're just close, brothers."

"Right." I rolled my eyes and turned back to the house, "Have fun."

"Come on Bella. Please come."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Sam hates me."

"He doesn't."

"Ok, I hate Sam, and Jacob, and Quil, and all his other clones, maybe Angela and the other girls too."

"What about me?"

I turned back to him at the steps and sent him a small smile, "You're not hate-able. I tried."

"Please come. We don't have to hang out with the other guys. I just want to get to know my sister ok."

I opened my mouth to tell him no again but he was giving me the puppy dog look and I just can't kick a puppy. "Fine." I walked back over to his beat up car and climbed in. He turned on the radio and drove us straight to the beach.

"I know I said we don't have to hang out with the other guys." I immediately sent him a withering look and he held up his hands, "I was just going to say that if you want I can still ask one of the girls to lend you a suit to swim."

"No thanks."

"Ok. Come on, I have towels and a Frisbee in the trunk. Do you play Frisbee?"

"I never tried. I've never been the most athletic but I'll give it a shot."

"Great." He beamed at me. "Come on."

He grabbed a cooler and a bag from the trunk and led me down the sand. I could see the others further down the beach and even though they waved to him, Seth set down his cooler half way down the beach from them and spread out our towels.

"Emily and the other girls do the food so I'll snag us some lunch later but I have water and soda and some snack food in the cooler."

I sank onto the towel and undid the straps on my shoes then I wiggled my feet in the sand and breathed in the ocean air.

"Hey Seth. We're all down the beach." Two guys came over to us.

"Bella and I are just going to hang out for a bit and get to know each other."

"Sure, sure." I could feel their eyes on me.

"Right, um Bella this is Collin and Brady. Guys, meet my new sister Bella."

"Hi," I sent them a tight smile. Shit, all of Sam's clones could pass for brothers but these two were identical, they had to be brothers.

"Nice to meet you." They replied in tandem.

"We're going back now. Embry is setting up a game of football. Are you guys going to jump with us later?" The one on the left spoke.

"Maybe." Seth answered them.

"Ok then. See ya." The one on the right finished before they both turned and walked back to the group down the beach.

"Sorry."

"Why apologize?" I shrugged and Seth didn't answer.

"So what do you do?"

"I work in a café Monday to Thursday and at a bar Tuesday through Saturday."

"You have two jobs?"

"They both started out part time."

"What are they now?"

"I work about 28 hours a week at the café and 32 at the bar but I do serving and entertainment at the bar."

"Entertainment?"

"I sing. Two or three nights a week, usually Tuesday and Thursday but sometimes I do a short set on a Friday or Saturday. I get a cut of the cover and weekends are busier but I make more in tips those nights so I prefer to sing during the week, not that the bar is ever quiet."

"You live in New Orleans?"

"In the French Quarter with a girl I met in Kansas."

"You lived in Kansas?"

"My truck broke down there so I got a job at a local diner. Lisa worked at the one bar in town, I drank there and she ate where I worked. It was a stopping place for us both so at the end of summer we packed up and bought bus tickets to New Orleans, found a place together, applied to jobs at the same places and here we are, three years later. She's my roommate and only friend."

"You have a boyfriend?"

"No. Where is your girlfriend?"

"She's over with the others."

"Why?"

He shrugged, "You didn't want to be around any of the guys or our girls. She's fine anyways, we're all close, like family."

"Right." I didn't really want to talk about Sam and his clones.

"I can bring her over if you wanted to meet her."

I shrugged, "Sure, unless she wants to hang out with her friends."

"We see them everyday. I'm sure she'd like to meet you." He got up and jogged down the beach. I looked out over the water.

An angry voice interrupted the quiet a few minutes later, "What are you doing here pale-face."

I looked up, and up, along a perfect copper torso with a well defined six pack, broad shoulders, a full mouth, straight nose and high cheekbones. My eyes devoured every inch until they met the rich dark chocolate ones glaring down at me.

I hadn't missed the tattoo marking him as a Sam clone but this one was sexy as hell, with eyes so deep and full of mystery as to pull you in and drown you. My throat felt dry and I couldn't quite recall what I was going to say to him, had he asked me a question?

"Hey Paul. You met my new sister." Seth's voice broke the trance, allowing me to blink and break eye contact.

I swallowed and forced myself to speak, "Uh, yeah, Paul, right." I remembered his question, which had been more of a demand and I hardened my voice, "I'm spending time with my new brother. The other Sam clones are down the beach." I sniffed at him but avoided meeting his eyes again. I heard a giggle to my left and turned to see a girl holding on to Seth's hand, "You must be Jenna."

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you. I mean, I know we met at the wedding, but it was just the quick introduction and now I'm really meeting you so it's nice. I mean, ok, I'm shutting up now."

I laughed and smiled at her, "It's nice to really meet you to. Sorry to pull you away from your friends."

"That's cool. You sure you don't mind me hanging out for a bit?"

"Of course. Please sit."

"Thanks." She sat beside me and we chatted easily. She was a sweet girl and I was glad my happy new brother had such a good girl.

"Hi, I'm Kim." A new voice interrupted us and I noticed Seth was play fighting with the other guys in the shallow water, about halfway between where the others were camped out and where Jenna and I sat.

"Bell." I smiled at her recognizing her from the wedding.

"I just came to see if you girls were hungry. Emily and I made a ton of food but if we girls don't get in it first the boys will consume everything so its best to eat while they are tossing each other around out there."

Jenna laughed and agreed with her, "It's true, they are scrounging around for crumbs and fighting over the last chip before they realize they ate our portion."

I smiled at them both, "Ok, it was good talking to you Jenna."

"Aren't you hungry? There is a lot of food. Sam said Seth was bringing you today so Emily and I were sure to make extra."

I felt my smile become a little less natural but forced it to stay in place, "No thanks, I'm good."

"Are you sure? If I know my boyfriend, he has nothing in that cooler but soda and a bag of chips he's hiding from the other guys."

"I'm sure."

"Ok, well if you change your mind, just walk on over."

I nodded at her, still smiling and turned to watch Seth play fighting with one of the Sam clones. From this distance I couldn't tell which one it was, I only knew him, Jacob, Quil and Sam on sight, though I bet I could make out Embry closer up and I could sure tell which one was Paul now, even from over here. He was tossing one guy under the waves a few feet from Seth.

"Hey, Bella, I'm Emily, Sam's wife." I sighed but forced a smile as I turned to look at her. "Kim said you weren't hungry but I wanted to bring you a sandwich incase you changed you mind. As soon as the guys come in it will all be gone unless we hide it over here for you." She held out a plate wrapped in foil. "We have some potato salad and coleslaw so I gave you some of that to. Just set it on the top of the drinks in the cooler until you want to eat. The plate is plastic not paper so the ice wont get anything soggy."

"Uh, thanks." I took the plate from her and set it on my lap.

She smiled kindly at me and shrugged one shoulder, "Just come on over if you need anything or get lonely. The guys can get distracted messing around sometimes."

"I'm fine, thanks."

She nodded and turned to move back down the beach. I wondered when another of them would come over again and why they were all being so nice.

I looked back down at the plate and sighed before opening it and taking a bite out of the sandwich. It was turkey with mustard, cheddar cheese, crisp lettuce and thinly sliced tomatoes. I ate half of it and picked at the homemade slaw and potato salads, both were excellent.

"The girls brought over food." Seth jogged over before shaking water over me.

I laughed and held out the plate to him, "I think they have more for you over there but I'm done with mine if you want to start with it."

"You didn't eat much."

"I ate breakfast."

He frowned, "Not very much."

"I'm a small woman, I don't need much."

"You sure you're full because there is lots more."

"Seth, please, my eating habits are fine; I'm just not hungry."

"Ok." He shrugged and stuffed his mouth with a giant bite of sandwich. "I'm going to grab a plate of my own, you sure you wont come over and hang with everyone? You seem to get on ok with the girls."

I shook my head, "No Seth. You go and spend time with your friends."

He shook his head, "I'll just grab lunch and be right back. This is our day." Seth stuffed the rest of my sandwich in his mouth and began jogging down the beach.

I lay back and closed my eyes, not entirely surprised when a voice other than Seth's interrupted the quiet.

"Are you going to be anti-social all day?"

I let my eyes open a crack, shielding them from the sun with my arm, "I'm not being anti-social, I was chatting with Jenna and I came to spend time with Seth."

"Why don't you just come sit with everyone, then Seth wont have to run back and forth between you and the rest of the group."

"I came to spend time with Seth not the Sam clones." I snapped at her, "He wants to hang out with all of you he can. Hell, I couldn't keep my best friends from becoming one of Sam's followers why would one of his already indoctrinated be waylaid by me?"

I could see the temper in her eyes, "Maybe its time to get over the past."

I stood up and grabbed my sandals, but I quickly wiped the triumphant smirk off her face, "The past makes us who we are Leah, all the pain and suffering makes us stronger and smarter. Getting over the past isn't forgive and forget, it's learning from it and moving the fuck on. I am over La Push and everyone here, except Charlie. The rest of you can go to hell because I will not get burned by the same fire. Sam wants another piece of my soul to piss on you tell him I'm fresh out of heart so unless he can get Charlie to abandon me, he and the rest of you are shit out of luck, find someone else to break." I spun on my heal and began walking down the beach to the car park. As soon as I reached the pavement, I sat down and pulled on my platforms. I walked in New Orleans but everything was in a six-block radius, the miles it was back to Forks were sure to fuck up my shoes. I had only gotten these a little over a month ago to.

"Bella! Wait, please." I turned at the voice calling me.

"Just leave it alone Seth. I want to go home."

"Ok, just let me drive you back."

I nodded to him and walked over to his car, grateful for my shoes and no doubt my feet, which would have been killing me halfway home.

We drove in silence until he parked at the Forks house, "Thanks for the invite Seth. It was good getting to know you and your girl a bit."

"Yeah, right." He looked sad again but I fought back the small twinge of sympathy I felt, he was one of Sam's, stepbrother or no.

"Alright well, I'll see you around maybe."

"How long will you be here?"

I shrugged, "I need to get back to work I just wanted to talk to Charlie. Maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, Thursday at the absolute latest." I needed to get out of this town. Ever since we had left the beach, I felt tightness in my chest, an ache that was familiar to the pain of losing the Cullen's and then Jacob and then Quil and Angela. I would not let this place drown me again.

"Ok, well, I guess I will see you. Thanks for coming."

"Yeah, you go back and have fun with your friends." I sent him a smile before getting out and letting myself back into the house. I spent the rest of the day reading.

As the sun began to set, there was a knock at my front door.

I was shocked when I opened it and saw Sam Uley standing behind it.

"Hello Bella."

"Sam." I nodded curtly at him.

"You don't like me."

"You came here to tell me that?"

"I'm sorry for whatever I have done for that to be the case but I am not out to ruin your life Bella. Charlie has really missed you. He's been really worried and the last thing anyone here wants is for you to disappear again, so please, for Charlie let's just let the past rest and start fresh."

I smiled at him and he seemed to relax until I calmly spoke, "Go fuck yourself."

"Bella,"

"No." I cut him off, "I stayed to talk to Charlie but the past doesn't rest, suffering doesn't end and I have no desire to start anything, fresh or otherwise with you or your clones and followers. Seth is a good kid and I have no reason other than his being one of yours not to like him but it doesn't really matter either way. As soon as I get squared with Charlie I am out of here and on the first flight back to Louisiana."

"Bella,"

I cut him off again, "Thanks for stopping by Sam." I smiled at him with false sweetness and slammed the door in his face.

I made a salad for dinner but I wasn't hungry so I picked at it before setting it aside and putting in a movie. I was more than ready to get the hell out of this town. Just one more night, I'd talk with Charlie and be back at home drinking with Lisa, August and Etienne by nightfall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

I woke early again and watched the sunrise. I made breakfast and then showered. I pulled on my high waist pencil skirt with a white tank top, my black maryjane stilettos and my black fedora. I packed up all of my things and put them in the rental car before locking up the house. After Sam's little visit I had decided it was time to get the hell out of dodge and that stupid ache in my chest had only gotten worse over the night.

I felt mildly better as I drove into La Push, I was sure I was making the right decision. I would talk to Charlie, tell him I loved him, give him my cell number and the number to the bar with August's name, then give him my house key and tell him to sell the house and let go of the past just like I was trying to do.

It was just a little after eight thirty when I pulled up to Charlie's house but he was awake. He looked so happy to see me still in town that I immediately felt bad for only being here to say goodbye.

"Bella! You're still here. Come in and have some breakfast."

"Hey dad. Thanks." I followed him inside the one story house to the kitchen where Sue was at the stove.

"Hello Bella. Would you like some eggs?"

"I ate already thanks Sue."

"So how was your time here or were you in Seattle?" Charlie asked sitting back down to his half eaten breakfast.

"I was here." I sat down and took a deep breath, no time like the present. "I cleaned the house, donated all my old things." I saw hurt flash across his eyes, might as well rip off the whole band-aid at once, "I packed up everything else, except your room. Everything is labeled so you can sell or donate what you don't need or want." He nodded, his eyes on his plate. I took a deep breath to calm myself and gain courage as I reached into my clutch and pulled out the letter that had come with my necklace. I slid it across the table, my fingers still on it until he looked up into my eyes, "You were a great father, I should have been a better daughter." My voice cracked even though it came out more of a whisper.

"Oh, Bells."

I shook my head and bit back tears, "I'm sorry I made you worry. I should have at least called." I reached back into my clutch, putting the letter back in it and pulling out another paper, "This is my cell number and the number to the bar where I work. August is my manager and a friend. If you can't get me on my cell, he'll be able to get a message to me for you. I'll call sometimes to, let you know that I'm alright."

He swallowed and I could see the tears he was fighting in his eyes, "You know I love you kid."

"I love you to, never forget that, I might not be the best daughter but I do love you and I am so sorry for hurting or disappointing you."

"It's ok Bells. I'm just sorry I wasn't there for you, that I didn't help you."

"You tried, I know you tried and I never thought you didn't love me." I swiped at a tear that had escaped my control, "I am safe and for the most part I'm happy. I like my life. So you don't have to worry ok and I'll call so you know it stays that way."

"You'll always have a place here Bells."

I nodded, "I know, but you need to sell the house. There are to many memories there, good and bad, holding us both back, its time to let it go."

"How long are you staying for? Will you have supper with us?"

I had wanted to be on the road to Seattle but I couldn't tell him no, I could do this one thing for him, "Sure. I'd like that."

"We're meeting at Sam and Emily's at six thirty." Sue had stayed quiet until then and with her words I immediately regretting agreeing but I couldn't back down, I was having one last meal with my father.

My smile was forced but I held it in place, "Sure."

"You have something special today Bells? You look real nice."

"Thanks dad but I have nothing important today, I just dress different in New Orleans than I did here is all."

"Those shoes don't hurt?" Sue joined in now that the conversation was less personal, sitting beside Charlie at the table.

I shrugged, "No, I work on my feet in them all day or night depending on which job I'm at."

"You have more than one?" Charlie smiled at me.

"Yeah," I smiled at him, "Started out as two part time jobs, now it's a lot more hours but where I was just paying the bills in the beginning, I have some meager savings now. Lisa and I work together, Monday through Thursday days at a café, usually six or seven hours a day. We work in a bar from Tuesday through Saturday. I serve drinks mostly but on Tuesday and Thursday nights I also sing a couple sets, sometimes I'll sing on the weekend too. Working there is where the vintage style came in and the skinny jeans and stilettos I wear the rest of the time make up my wardrobe."

"You sing?" Charlie asked looking surprised.

I blushed nodding; "A little, August heard me singing while doing set up one day and had me fill in for a no show on a Tuesday, it became my regular slot. Then Thursday was added as a regular slot as well and occasionally on the weekends I sing a bit but those are my best tip nights serving. Its jazz mostly and some blues."

"Will you sing for us?" Sue asked smiling warmly.

I blushed but nodded, "Sure, I guess." I thought for a minute and then hummed a few bars before softly singing the lyrics to September in the Rain.

"Beautiful." Charlie whispered. I smiled at him.

"Do you like singing?" Sue asked.

I shrugged, "Sure. I mean, I have no ambitions to becoming the next Norah Jones or anything but I like singing at the bar. I think August wants me to have a regular set on Saturday's, the cut from cover will be great but I would be passing up on the opportunity for great tips too."

"What are your plans for the future?" Sue asked as she began to clean the kitchen.

I shrugged, "Not sure really. I like where I'm at right now."

I could almost feel her fighting the urge to comment but she refrained.

Charlie just smiled at me, "As long as you're happy kid."

I smiled back at him, "Thanks dad."

"I better swing by and check in with my deputy, then I told Billy I'd come by this afternoon to watch the baseball game, unless you want to do something Bells, I could cancel. You know Billy wouldn't mind."

I shook my head, "You go ahead and enjoy the game."

"I'm having lunch with Leah if you'd like to join us Bella."

"No thanks. I'm just going to drive into PA and run a few errands. I'll see you guys at dinner."

I went to the bookstore and wandered around the waterfront a bit then found a café with a patio overlooking the water. The prices were a bit much but it was a nice place, geared towards tourists with fancy coffees and assorted snacks. I ordered an iced coffee and read for a while, it was relaxing until my peace was interrupted by tourists who started up a conversation, they were a nice group and we chatted for a while before I decided it was time to go.

I drove back to La Push. I didn't know where Sam lived, something I maybe should have mentioned this morning but didn't think about. Luckily, I saw the identical Sam clones walking along the road.

I pulled over and unrolled the passenger side window, "Hey, you two heading to Sam and Emily's?"

"Yeah." The one nearest the car answered.

"I'll trade you a ride for directions. I'm supposed to meet Charlie there."

"Sure, sure." He grinned at me and opened the car door. The Jake-ism sent a small twinge of pain through me; I still missed him.

He sat next to me and his brother got in the back. "So which one are you?" I asked him bluntly.

"Brady, best way to tell us apart is that Collin has a scar on his left eyebrow, it's really faint but if you look for it you'll see it. Besides that not even our Gran can tell us apart and she's raised us."

"So you really are brothers?"

"Twins" He answered, his tone expressing the duh.

"Right. All of you guys could pass for brothers though."

"Yeah," He agreed, "we kind of are though. I mean all our mannerisms are similar since we spend so much time together so it enhances the few physical characteristics we share at least that's what my Gran told us."

"You guys are eighteen?"

"Seventeen. Our birthday isn't until spring. Turn left here." I took his directions but otherwise didn't try to make further conversation, "Now right. It's that drive right there, the house is set into the woods just a little."

I pulled to a stop at the beautiful one story cottage.

"Thanks for the lift." Collin finally spoke up as he exited the car.

"Yeah, thanks." Brady added.

"Thanks for the directions."

"Yeah," he got out of the car, so I took a calming breath and got out as well.

"Hey Bella!" Jenna called from the porch coming down to meet us.

"Hey Jenna." I couldn't help but smile at the younger girl.

"Come on in, your dad isn't here yet." I walked over to the steps.

Sam stepped outside before I put my foot on the first one. He nodded at the twins who disappeared into the house, before he faced me, "Can I have a word?"

What could I say; it was his house so I nodded curtly. Jenna sent me a smile and went back inside as well.

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his cropped hair. "Things are a bit complicated Bella."

"You want me to leave?"

"No." His reply was instantaneous and it surprised me a little. He sighed again and stepped off the porch to stand with me. "I'm sorry for everything that happened to you Bella. The image of you in those woods, your eyes after Jacob and then Quil and when he… with Angela… It was like you weren't even really there, your eyes looked through things, like you had no will to live; it all haunts me. I'm sorry for all of it. I never set out to hurt you, none of us did but we were in a difficult spot, we wanted to keep you safe and there was so much we just could not tell you, believe me both Jacob and Quil wanted to, they still resent me a little for what happened with you. They understand it though and you never got that chance so I get why you hate me." He sounded so conflicted, almost broken; I had to work to harden my heart.

"Why are you saying all this?"

"Because I don't want you to leave. Charlie suffered these last three years. That first year was the worst. He fought with Billy and Jake, and I think he blamed Jake a bit for you leaving. The kid was a mess over it, he was already a mess over what went down with you and he cares about Charlie, the guy was always like a second father or an uncle so it killed Jake that Charlie shut him out. Only Sue could get through to him and she was suffering her own loss."

"Charlie and I are fine Sam. I wont let him worry like that again."

"That's not it. It's part of it but now things are different only I can't really tell you why just now. I will, if you could please just stay, come over for breakfast in the morning and we'll explain everything."

"I'm not one of your lackey's Sam, if you have something to say to me then just say it. I'm not playing this game with you, and waiting on your timetable. I came here because Charlie asked me to and I agreed before I found out dinner was going to be at your house. I just want to give him one last meal before I head home, which will be first thing in the morning whether you've had your say or not."

He looked back at the house and then to me, "Fine, follow me."

"No." He glared back at me, "I don't follow your orders." I told him crossing my arms."

"We can't have this conversation in the drive. Five minutes. Please."

I nodded for him to walk and followed him into the tree line, careful not to let my stiletto heals sink into soft ground.

"Well?" I asked after a few steps.

"The Cullen's are vampires." He started, "but you know that. Jake once told you our legends, whether you learned from them or from the leeches I don't know but those legends didn't just speak about the Cold Ones. Jake told you legends of our tribe that aren't supposed to be told to outsiders."

"So you stole him and then Quil from me because he once told me an old legend?"

"No." Sam shook his head. "I didn't steal Jake from you Bella. I know you think I did but Jake, well all of us, changed. I didn't choose him and I would have prevented it, for all of them, if I could but we didn't have a choice. It's in our blood."

"What?"

"The legends Bella."

"The Cold Ones?"

He snorted, "Not them, they are our enemy Bella and the reason the gene was reactivated in us. You want to blame someone for taking Jake from you, blame the Cullen's. Their being here is what forced the change in me and then Jared and Paul. We hoped it was only the three of us but then Embry and Jake. The Cullen's had left but it was too late. Some red headed bitch hung around for a while, dancing just out of our reach and she brought the gene to life in Quil, then in Seth and Leah. We thought it was over until just two months later, at fourteen, the twins joined us. It's not fair, not to any of us and we mourned each time a brother began to show symptoms of joining us. Once the change begins, there is no stopping it. Now we have the biggest pack in generations, we are all bound to the tribe, to La Push and to each other."

"What are you talking about Sam?"

"Wolves Bella. We're werewolves."

Jacob's voice from so many years ago ran through my mind, _did you know the Quileute's are supposedly descendent from wolves._

"When a wolf first phases he is dangerous Bella. He can't control his emotions and anger is always our strongest one. It is the one that makes us change forms and if we get angry and phase near someone they can get hurt."

"Emily." I whispered without meaning to.

I saw the pain flash across his face as he nodded, "Yes, Emily. Hurting her is something I will have to live with the rest of my life. I'd rather die a thousand painful deaths than for her to ever suffer a moment's pain. That I hurt her makes it even worse. I didn't just not protect her, I hurt her, scarred her. My perfect Emily, she is still so beautiful, so perfect and I could not love anyone more. I never want one of the others to know the pain of hurting someone they love. They already know it through me but that is an echo of what it is to have done it. I protected them from that and protected you from them. Even if they hadn't meant to, they could have hurt you."

I nodded, biting back tears at the pain in his voice as he spoke about Emily.

"I also had to protect the pack and our tribe, I had to keep our secret. Jacob would not have been able to keep it from you; he would not have been able to stay away from you, so I ordered him to. It hurt me to hurt the both of you that way but it was what I had to do, for both of you and for the tribe. Being Alpha is hard, I had to make hard decisions and maybe they weren't the right ones but they were the best ones I could make at the time."

"Fine, so you ordered Jake and Quil to stay away for my safety and to keep your secret. Why are you telling me this now?"

Sam sighed, "It would all have been so different if you'd just looked at each other. You never would have lost Quil, maybe not even Jake if it had happened before he phased, you were on the rez enough and we had come across you, hell he saw you in the woods that night the leech left, if only you'd looked at each other then."

"What are you talking about?"

"Bella, only the wolves and our descendants can know about what we are. The legends are passed down in the tribe from generation to generation but the actual histories pass only from father to son within the pack. The one person outside the pack that we can tell is our imprint, our mate, the one person in the world who is made to complete us. The one person more important than the tribe or the pack, our soul mates."

I snorted and then laughed, "I am so not your soul mate buddy. I think maybe you hit your head. Or is this some kind of practical joke? I mean you had me going for a minute with the Cold Ones and the werewolf thing."

I saw a smile pull at the corners of his mouth, easing the stern look that always seemed to grace his face, "Emily is my imprint Bella."

"Right, ok. Congratulations. Except for according to you, I couldn't know any of this before because only soul mates get that privilege and yet here you are telling me. You might want to work on your story there, Sam and I don't remember it being a full moon when Jake ditched me and that was for more than three days on wolfy pms."

"The moon is a myth Bella. We phase all year long."

"Right, ok. I think your five minutes are up and Charlie is probably here."

"Fine, but first I'll prove the wolf thing and when I do you have to promise to stay and finish this discussion later."

"Fine, sure, whatever." I rolled my eyes at him and then blushed, my mouth dropping open as he began to strip.

"You going to watch?" He asked, his hands on his fly. "Not sure Emily will approve and I know… others wont."

I had spun around before he finished speaking but I was confused by how he had trailed off at the end and then added the cryptic others thing. I looked over my shoulder to ask him about it just as he seemed to explode. I spun around, slipping and falling to my butt in front of a horse sized black wolf.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

"Fuck…" I stared at him, "Sam?" His massive black head seemed to nod. "Fuck."

His form blurred in my peripheral vision and then he was a man again. I barely registered him pulling on his pants and walking over to me. He held out his hand to help me up, I hesitated only a second before putting my hand into his large and hot one.

"So you'll not leave until we talk more right? That was the deal."

"Yeah." I nodded, my brain still processing the fact that I had just seen a grown man turn into a horse sized wolf and back again. I mean I knew vampires existed and when he first mentioned it, theoretically I had been ok with the idea but seeing it, that shit was freaky and cool and I wasn't sure what.

I followed him back to the house. Everyone was staring at us as we went in.

"Bells!" Charlie sounded the same mixture of surprised and excited to see me he had shown since I had first shown up for his wedding and it made me feel guilty all over again that he was partly expecting me to just disappear on him.

"Hey Dad." I smiled at him. "Did the right team win the game this afternoon?"

"You bet. It was a close one to, 34-32."

"I'm sure it was exciting then."

"Well let's eat." Emily smiled over at me and then looked at Sam, her smile growing and her eyes glowing, you could almost see the love radiating off her. I looked around the room and saw the similar thing between all the other couples. Even Charlie and Sue seemed a little brighter near each other.

"I'm Holly." A quiet voice spoke next to me at the table.

"Jacob's girl. I remember. How was your weekend?"

"Good thanks. Yours?"

I shrugged, "fine, slower than I'm used to."

"What do you normally do on the weekend?"

"I work Friday and Saturday nights. Sunday is my only real day off and I sleep in late, then do the house cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping."

"What about the rest of the week?" Seth asked frowning.

"I work six days a week, thirty hours, give or take at the bar and the same at the café. Monday is a quiet day, just working at the café. Sunday night we meet August for dinner since the bar is closed, so Monday Lisa and I stay in and watch a movie, veg out before the week really starts. Then is the three days a week I go from one job to the other with little down time, except to eat and to sleep a couple hours. Thursday is the longest day and it's a busy night at the bar so I sleep late Friday's. I have French lesson's Friday afternoon with August's boyfriend Etienne, we meet for an hour every other Monday after work at the café as well but mostly it's a couple hours the one time a week. Luc, from the band at the bar is also teaching me piano before work Saturday and we practice a little before or after a shift every once in a while. I'm not picking it up as quickly as I did the guitar but I was able to practice that at home."

"Well I just feel lazy after hearing that." Emily smiled at me.

"You're going to burn yourself out." Sam added.

"I'm fine. I like being busy."

"What about school, you ought to be in university, making something of yourself?" I didn't recognize the woman who spoke.

"I don't have the money saved or the ambition to work towards a specific profession. I like what I do, it pays the bills with enough for me to buy the vintage clothes and over priced shoes I want. Or to buy a guitar on a whim or fly across the country for my father's wedding with less than a weeks notice to my boss. I get free French lessons and music lessons, first the guitar and now the piano. I get to sing which is fun and builds confidence. I meet new people every day from all over the world. I might not be saving lives or prosecuting a criminal in a court somewhere but its honest work and I'm good at it and believe me customer service is no picnic."

"You can't work in a bar forever." The judgment in her snotty tone made my spine stiffen.

"With all respect ma'am, I'll be twenty-two next month not forty-two. I have lots of time to figure out what I want to do. Maybe that will be college but I doubt it. Lisa and I took an online business class last year and have been talking about opening our own place one day so maybe I'll do that. Maybe I'll just be a waitress, even if I don't work in a bar I can work in the café or in a diner," I shrugged but didn't let my eyes move from hers "Sue's worked in the diner here as long as I can remember and she's raised two kids. In the end, I don't suppose it really matters, I don't live to work, I work to live." I waited to see if she would say anything else but she didn't, no one did for a few minutes.

"As long as your happy Bells." Charlie smiled at me and I could see the tension in his eyes. I hated that he was so worried that I would disappear from his life again. I was a terrible daughter.

I smiled at him, "Thank you."

"So, how about that island. You two haven't told us how you liked it up in Canada." Billy filled the silence and talk turned to the two day trip the newly weds took to Victoria. The rest of the meal continued with light conversation.

I hugged my father tightly and promised to stop by in the morning for breakfast. I still planned to leave in the morning but I could make the time for breakfast.

The others all cleared out until it was just the younger generation and I turned to Sam, "It's later, so whatever more you have to say, let's get it over with."

"Why don't we talk more in the morning?" He suggested, but I knew he expected me to agree with him on it; he was too used to everyone following his way.

"If you want me to listen then start talking, if not I'm going home to sleep. I have a long day back to New Orleans tomorrow and a shift at the bar when I land."

"You agreed to stay until we talked more."

"I agreed to stay to finish the conversation later. It's later. Let's finish talking so I can go home."

"This is your home."

I rolled my eyes at him, "I am not playing this game with you Uley. Say what you need to say or don't but if you don't start talking I will leave and you can finish this conversation with your own fucking ego because I am going back home, to New Orleans."

"Fine. Let's sit at least." He motioned to the living room and I went to sit in a chair, my eyes never leaving him though my peripheral vision was absorbing every nuance of Paul who sat angrily in the other chair.

"We're werewolves."

"Yeah, I got that part from the horse sized wolf you turned into."

"Right, well, like I said, I phased first, then Jared and Paul several months later, followed by Embry some time after that. He was quickly followed by Jacob…"

"And then Quil, who was followed by Seth and Leah and then the twins. I got it. You all got fucked through the blood lines because the Cullen's decided to play house here and then Victoria couldn't decide whether it would be more or less cruel to kill me or let me live in misery."

"Victoria? You knew the red head?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "Yeah, her mate tried to eat me, almost succeeded," I held up my scarred wrist for him to see and heard growls around the room, "The Cullen's killed him instead and Eddie sucked the venom, painful process by the way wouldn't recommend it for your worst enemy. Victoria decided it would be fun to kill a mate for a mate in revenge or so Laurent said in the meadow before, and I'm guessing at this point but, you all killed him." I waited for his nod before I continued. "Then she caught up to me on the cliff's and decided that I knew something about her pain and she wasn't going to kill me. I wasn't Edward's mate so it sort of killed the poeticism of the move anyways. Next day she sent me a note and some tulips saying since I was suffering she forgave me and would find a way to make him suffer too. Never did hear if she found a way to fuck him up but one can hope. Anyways in the note she told me, and I'm paraphrasing a bit here but the gist of it was, life's a bitch so learn to be one to." I smirked at him, "I guess the lesson took. Regardless here we are and the lesson of my brush with the undead who just wouldn't fucking let me die or have the decency to actually kill me, is over and there is no need to recap the he phased, followed by him and him and him shit again. I get it, the bastards came and played emotional terrorism on the human and turned the native boys" I shot a quick look to my new stepsister, "and girl excuse me Leah" then focused back on Sam "into overgrown dogs who kill said bastards as a favored pastime. So now, we are all up to date, except why all of a sudden I am allowed in the loop. I mean three years ago when Jacob and Quil changed you decided to shatter what was left of me after the bastards finished their game and then piss on the shards of my heart and soul by taking my one remaining friend into the fold. What's changed in the three year's I've been gone?"

"Imprinting" Sam answered evenly.

"Yeah you mentioned that outside, you all can only tell your soul mate but Emily is yours and I might actually kill myself if it had been me. I'm guessing, since they are all obviously in the know, Kim, Angela, Jenna and Holly are imprints as well or are they just special like me? Did you play beat the bitch while she's down with their emotions too?" I was getting bitchy, angry and defensive but I couldn't help it. For just over three years, I had taught myself to get angry instead of feeling pain and I learned it was just easier to feel angry at the world than let the pain consume me, so when I was hurting or scared I turned into a bitch.

"Paul." Sam nodded to my left, I didn't need the direction, I knew where he was.

"What about him?"

"You're his imprint." Sam sighed and ran his hand through is hair.

I noticed he did that whenever he was agitated; great now I could read Sam Uley's mood, fucker, wait, what did he say? "What?"

"You are Paul's imprint."

"Fuck off."

"Bella…" Jacob spoke gently as though talking to a scared animal.

"Go fuck yourself Black, I'm talking to the original clone." I didn't take my eyes off Sam, "Now what are you on about and more importantly what kind of drugs are you taking because if Charlie catches you with those I don't think but I'm a werewolf protector of La Push is going to keep you out of his jail."

Sam ran his hand through his hair again and sat down. "Paul imprinted on you at the beach yesterday, couldn't you feel anything?"

"Yeah, the sand in my toes and a little sick to my stomach for eating twice in a short span of time. Also annoyed, tired, bored and more than ready to go home to New Orleans, sort of how I'm feeling now actually."

"You can't leave Bella."

"Fuck you." I stood up. "I'm not one of your little bitch boys to order around."

"He needs you Bella." Emily's gentle voice broke our heated glares and I turned to her.

"Fucker got on just fine without me for the last three years and for eighteen years before that."

"He hadn't imprinted then." Sam growled.

"Right so he just magically imprinted yesterday."

"Yes."

"Well un-fucking imprint me then because I don't give a flying fuck what you magically made happen, I'm not joining the dog team. I'm done with the supernatural. Hell now I can blame all the terrible shit in my life to the abnormal and maybe find some nice boring normal fucker to date and move on with my life."

"There is no undoing it. You're soul mates." Sam growled at me.

"Why are you even the one moaning," I spun around to look at Paul, "what about you, does Sam need to give you permission to speak or are you just to fuck ass dumb to have your own voice?" He growled and it was the sexiest sound I had ever heard, his eyes shot up and met mine, the dark chocolate depths drowning me in their liquid heat. I heard a crash to the left and tore my eyes away from him; "I don't think growling counts as speech at least not to us mere mortals." My voice was a little weaker but thankfully steady.

"You're my imprint. Whatever makes you fucking happy is all it lets me want." He spat.

"Yeah well what did you want three fucking days ago then?"

"For this wedding shit to be over and to kill the blond bitch floating around, don't suppose you know her to do you leech lover?"

"Sorry Cujo, my list of the undead is tapped out. How about me, how'd you feel about me before the magical imprint."

"Go fuck a leech for all I care, just get off our rez."

"Great," I turned back to Sam, "See, no soul mates here. Just undo whatever you did and I'll go back to New Orleans, and add singeing the tail off oversized wolves to my dreams of using a flame thrower on the other supernatural beings I had the misfortune of meeting and being claimed the soul mate to."

"There is no undoing it." He huffed, "I didn't do anything. You looked at each other and his soul recognized yours."

"Pretty sure we saw each other before yesterday so I return to the original, the fucker was just fine for the last three years thing."

"It's the eyes. You never looked each other in the eyes before." Jenna corrected.

"Fucker just has weird eyes, he can go look at some other bitch."

"He's looked at plenty and his eyes are normal they just seem weird to you because his soul is speaking to yours."

I sent Leah a skeptical look, "I think his soul is counting the ways he hates me and mine is happily reviewing all the werewolf myths I can remember, it is silver bullets that kill you right? Or is that a myth?"

"It's a myth and this is serious Bella."

I shot a look at Sam that I knew was a blend of amusement and distain. "It's a mistake. The shit has weird eyes; send him to look at another girl, one not playing good little imprint to one of you or old and married. Maybe have him walk around Forks or PA, I'm sure he'll come across a pretty little subservient girl who is happy to bow to you and kiss his paws."

"His eyes aren't weird Bella. It's not a mistake. Like it or not you two are soul mates and you will both suffer if you fight it." Sam half yelled at me.

"Is that all?" I laughed bitterly at him, "Good thing you helped me learn to live with suffering then isn't Sam. I'm sure he'll get used to it to. My advice get pissed, in both senses of the word, I prefer whiskey but whatever works for him. Boxing helps to and it did wonders for my balance. Then again, he's a wolf, maybe all he'll need is a bitch in heat. Not really my problem though, so fuck you all very much, I'm going to bed and tomorrow I'm getting out of this fucking state."

I left the house and as I drove to Forks, I felt the ache in my chest return at full force and it only served to make me angrier, stupid fucking supernatural assholes playing with my life again. Soul mates. I didn't believe in that shit. It was a fairytale and this was a fucking nightmare.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

I was to worked up to sleep and I didn't have my sneakers to go for a run and I doubted there would be any bars open this late on a Monday night in PA to go dance off the energy, so when a banging at the door followed my arrival by five minutes, I was ready for a fight.

Sam began talking before I had fully opened the door, "I get it, you hate me, but I did what I did for the good of the tribe and my pack brothers as well as for your own damn safety. You still want to hate me fine but Paul doesn't deserve to be punished for it. At least give him a fucking chance."

"A chance to what! He already admitted he wants me gone."

"He didn't know you!" He pushed his way into the house and slammed the door.

"He still doesn't know me!" I shot back at him folding my arms across my chest.

"You're his imprint!"

"Yeah and he looked thrilled by that!"

"What can you possibly have against him?"

"Besides being your lackey clone?"

"Yes!"

"Nope pretty sure him being a mindless copy of you, sitting around with his tail between his legs waiting for permission to sit up, lay down, eat, sleep and shit is the only thing but I've only really spent a few minutes in his company."

Sam laughed. The fucker laughed. "You know, you and Paul deserve each other. He's just as angry, foul mouthed and unable to listen as you are."

"Get out."

"No." His tone was instantly hard again and his face serious. "You know nothing about me, the pack or Paul and what you think you know is bullshit so you are going to stick around and get to know us because I will not allow my brother, and through him our entire pack, to suffer because you are a stubborn bitch. I get it, the leech broke your heart and you got screwed over when Jacob became a wolf. You want to hate me fine but you aren't going anywhere."

"You can't stop me."

"Like hell I can't."

"Go fuck yourself."

"I don't need to, I have an imprint." He smirked at me.

"Sucks for her. Maybe after I leave she'll clue in to your bullshit, realize she isn't stuck here with you, and get the hell out of dodge. Hell I'll put her up in New Orleans and help find her a job, maybe start an ex-imprint support group to help the other three."

He looked more menacing than I had ever seen him look as he stepped closer to me. "You will stay here the week and get to know Paul and the pack."

I huffed and rolled my eyes, "Yeah, right, whatever you say mighty wolf chief."

"Be at our house in the morning." He ordered.

"Be out of my house now." I spat back. Surprisingly he did turn and leave. I went to bed and slept fitfully dreaming of a silver wolf with deep liquid pools of dark chocolate eyes.

In the morning I dressed in my jeans and rolled them up with my white wedge sandals and topped the outfit with my last clean tank, a pale pink fitted, low racer back tank with three little buttons open at the cleavage. I left on the locket from Charlie, a silver ring I always wore, that Renee got me for Christmas one year before I moved out, and simple silver hoops. I got in my rental car, stowing my packed bag in the trunk, once again ready to depart as soon as I said goodbye to Charlie.

I drove to La Push, feeling the ache in my chest begin to get smaller as I got closer. Sue, Charlie and I had an amicable breakfast and I hugged my father goodbye. It was at this point I saw Sue frowning at me. It wasn't until after Charlie climbed in the cruiser and I went to get my keys that she spoke, revealing the thoughts behind the frown.

"You aren't really leaving."

"Yes Sue, I'm really leaving."

"What about Paul?"

"What about him?"

"You're his imprint."

"I thought only wolves and imprints and kids are in the know, was Harry a wolf?"

"I'm on the tribal council but Harry's father was in the last wolf pack, had the leeches been here during our generation he would have phased, along with Billy."

"Oh, well, good for you. Tell Charlie to call me whenever he wants to and I will call and check in sometime next week."

"You can't leave."

"Oh but I can and I am." I informed her, walking past her and out of the house.

My car wouldn't start.

There was a triumphant look in her eyes as she spoke, that pissed me off. "Oh, well I'll call Jacob and have him tow it. He fixes cars for a living now."

"Right and it will probably take him at least a week to fix it right?" She shrugged but I could see a smile playing at her lips. "Don't bother, I'll call the rental agency and tell them it broke down here and have them tow it themselves. There is a bus from Forks to PA and another from PA to Seattle or I could just rent another car. Thanks for breakfast and tell Sam, nice try but I am leaving this state today and he can't stop me, not with anything short of kidnapping me and locking me in a cage, after which I would press charges."

"Bella."

"Take care of my dad and have a pleasant married life." I spun around and pulled my bag out of the trunk before tossing her the keys. "I'll let the rental agency know you have the keys when they come to pick it up."

I started walking away but hadn't gone a block when I was stopped again, "Hey Bella, Sue called said you had trouble with the rental."

"Well Black, I imagine the trouble came from whatever you or one of the other Sam clones removed or loosened earlier this morning while I was eating with Charlie."

"I didn't do anything to it, but I'll find the problem and get it fixed up for you."

"Sure, you do that. Make sure to bill the rental agency. I got insurance when I rented it so they should pay up fine when they pick it up. In the meantime, I have a bus to catch so have a nice life. Sorry about the wolf thing but hey you seem happy about the Holly thing so you know, congrats or whatever. Doubt I'll be seeing you so have a good life."

"Bella, please, just give Paul a chance."

"Funny thing how Sam and Sue and you are all for me staying but I haven't heard more than, get off my rez, from the man himself. Call me crazy but I'm in agreement with him, hell more than off this rez, I want out of this state."

We walked in quiet a little ways, "Would it hurt to spend just a few days here?"

"Would it really have hurt for you to pick up a phone and say, I don't know, hey Bella, sorry I can't be your friend anymore and maybe something like, it's not you, but I need time to not be in love with you. Or some other made up bullshit like it that didn't feel like a shot gun blowing a new hole in my chest by another person I love abandoning me because I just wasn't worth it or they got fucking bored."

"I'm sorry Bella. Sam ordered me not to speak to you. He knew I wouldn't be able to not tell you."

"So why not just order you not to say anything about the wolves? You know what, don't answer that. That is entirely on Sam and so not the point."

"I get it, Sam, Quil and I, hurting you like that was terrible but Paul didn't give the order and he didn't break your heart."

"No he just enforced Sam's rule and followed his lead like a good little puppy."

"Bella following an alpha order is hard wired in us. Once one is given we physically can't disobey it."

"Fine, have Sam order Paul not be imprinted on me."

"It doesn't work that way and anyways the imprint is the one thing that outweighs even the alpha. She is above everything else to her wolf including the tribe and the pack."

"Guess he's just shit out of luck then."

"That's not…"

"What Jake? Fair? It's not fair? Sorry to tell you this cher but life isn't fair. It isn't sunshine and roses and happy endings with fairytale true love triumphing over all."

Jake didn't say anything else, he stopped walking with me, but I didn't look back, I just kept walking the long trek back to Forks. I had only gone a couple blocks when a new presence joined me.

"Why are you walking?"

"Master and Commander of the Wolf had Jake fuck with my rental car so I couldn't leave La Push."

"My house is a block back and two over. I'll drive you to Forks."

I stopped and eyed him up and down, avoiding meeting his eyes. "Why?"

He snorted, "The wolf is worried about you walking and I bet those shoes are going to kill your feet before you get halfway."

I shrugged, "Ok." He took my bag and started walking back in the opposite direction.

I followed him and we walked side by side in silence.

After a minute he spoke, "What time is your flight?"

"I'm flying standby so I'll get on the first flight with an available seat."

"I get why you are pissed at Sam but why do you hate La Push?"

"I don't hate La Push."

"You just want to get out of here as fast as you can and never look back."

"It's the memories I don't want to see again."

"Still missing the leech?"

I shook my head. "He and his family played with my emotions, he found my weaknesses and exploited them, he was borderline obsessive and stalker-ish but he found a way to make me need him, to not feel safe unless he was near. They gave me a place to belong; a family who understood and loved me, or at least made me feel like they did. They were a beautiful gilt framed picture with enough careful warnings about their nature as to be mysterious and alluring and then they made me feel like I belonged with them in that beautiful world. They dressed me and taught me what do say and do, think and feel. They played their twisted game and then got bored and left me broken and alone, a porcelain doll tossed to the ground, abandoned for a new one. I was a pet they got tired of playing with or caring for."

"So he played you?"

"They all did and now Sam and the rest of your pack want to play the same game. The story is the same. A soul mate and a place to belong with love and a stable family."

"Sorry to disrupt the story but my family is anything but stable. Well hell it's just me and the pack and you know my brothers are great but we all have our issues."

"Why do you hate me? Or is it imprinting you hate?"

"Both. I hate the idea of a leech loving cock rider of the undead being my soul mate."

I laughed, "I might have been manipulated into believing myself in love with him so the leech lover comment can fly but the fucking part is bull. I might not be a virgin anymore but Edward Cullen sure was. I've kissed Lisa more intimately than he ever kissed me."

"Lisa?"

"My roommate, coworker at both jobs and only friend. Well August is a friend in a way. He's my boss but we meet socially for a bite to eat or drinks often enough and I suppose his boyfriend, Etienne is a friend too, he teaches me French, but they are more like friendly acquaintances really."

"You never had sex with Jacob or Quil." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No. How did you know that?"

"Wolf mind, when we are phased we share thoughts. In the beginning all our thoughts ran into each others heads randomly but now we are better at controlling it and only a few thoughts we aren't trying to communicate slip through."

"So you talk to each other in your heads?"

"Only when we are phased."

"Are you silver?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I had a dream about a silver wolf with your eyes last night."

"Our eyes get bigger but remain human eyes when we phase, it's the only part of us that doesn't really change. What was I doing?"

"Watching me."

"That's it?"

"Yup."

"Creepy dream."

"Yeah."

"I live in that house at the end."

"Alone?"

He shrugged, "The pack come and go but I like my privacy."

"It looks abandoned."

"I redid the inside and the outside is solid it's just the yard that needs work."

"You redid the inside yourself?"

"It's what I do."

"Construction work?"

"I build things. Mostly furniture, carvings and whatever but yeah I can also do the bigger things for renovation like drywall or whatever."

"So that's your career?"

He shrugged, "I work a couple days a week at the art gallery doing traditional carvings during tourist season and a few other odd jobs around the rez. We all do odd jobs around the rez and the council gives us a stipend, it's not much but its something for the time we spend running patrols and protecting the tribe. Mostly its getting food at cost from the local grocery since feeding ourselves is the most expensive thing. All the older guys fish enough for us to get our fill and we hunt when the season allows it; the hides can be tanned and sold and the meat is grilled and shared among us. It's a pretty simple and collective group living thing. We have our own jobs but have to do things flexible enough to run patrols or take off in the middle of the day when a scent is caught. Fucking leeches have stayed away half a dozen decades but now they tramp around like it's the new favorite vacation spot. Keys are in the house." He walked past his truck towards the front door.

"What did you want to grow up to be when you were little?" I asked as I followed him inside.

"Alive. You?"

His simple and blunt statement made me stumble on his front steps. "Alive?"

"You don't know anything about me or the pack Bella, don't pretend you do and we won't pretend we know anything about you." I swallowed, while he continued. "So childhood dreams? Did you want to be cop like Charlie or whatever it is your mother does?"

I shook my head, "I wanted to be a writer."

"Do you write?"

"Sometimes." I answered absently, looking around his house stunned, "This is beautiful." It was all done in natural woods, the kitchen and living room were an open concept; floating stairs that looked like a wooden ribbon off the right wall divided two doors. "How many rooms?"

"Three bedrooms, two full bathrooms and one that's just a sink and toilet. Originally it was two bedroom and one bathroom but I gutted the attic and turned it into the master suite, added a bathroom up there. Down here, I tore down the wall between the old master and the little bedroom, divided the bathroom so the rooms are about the same size and connected at the back through a smaller bathroom. In front of that is where I added the half bathroom; the door is just behind the stairs. So there are really two bathrooms between the two bedrooms down here or one and a half or whatever. I didn't like the separate dining room, kitchen, living room thing so while I knocked down the bedroom and bathroom walls I pulled out the rest of the walls and redid the whole layout, I thought it looked bigger, more open and light so I left it like that."

"Can I see the rooms?"

He nodded towards the closest door, "Not much in there but knock yourself out."

I went into the room, the windows looked right out into the woods as though the house were lost in them with no civilization for miles but I knew out front the rest of the street was nearer than it looked, the large front yard just set the house back into the woods, surrounding it on three sides. I opened the closet to see it was bigger than I had expected with shelves and drawers as well as a place to hang clothes, negating the need for a dresser in the room, which was furnished with a small bed, nightstand and lamp. I walked through the other door and into the connecting bathroom. The right wall was the bath and shower with a window high up to let in natural light. Across from it was a small counter space with a sink and on the far end was a toilet. I walked through the opposite door into the second bedroom. It was almost identical to the first except it had no furniture asides from the little night table matching the one in the other room.

"The night stands are from my old room, the bed to."

"When did you buy this house?"

"I didn't. It was always mine. I just hated the original, it was a hole, so I tore it apart and rebuilt it. I couldn't leave La Push but I could still have a new life."

"Is that what you wanted in high school? To leave La Push and start a new life."

He shrugged, "A fresh start away from to many bad memories, to go to a place where I'm not that pitiable, angry Meraz kid. Yeah. Isn't getting out of the small town what most kids dream of?"

"Why didn't you leave?"

"I phased middle of senior year. Just another fuck you from the world. Want to see upstairs or are you done?"

"If you don't mind." I sent him a small, sad smile and he nodded before turning. I followed him out the door.

"Toilet room is there." He pointed to the door I hadn't seen behind the stairs. He led me up the stairs and through a door at the top. "This was the attic."

I looked around, once again taken in by the beauty of his craft. The walls downstairs were done in cream to accent the natural woods. Up here was all wood like some kind of upscale cabin with a ceiling of exposed beams. One wall was divided into huge windows right up to the peak of the house; it looked out over the woods and had French doors that opened onto a patio. There was a massive four-poster bed with beautiful matching side tables. On the wall opposite, I opened a door to find a huge walk in closet; it was narrow and long, a rectangle spanning the length of the room, with shelving, drawers and places to hang clothes along the far wall. I walked down it noticing that his clothes took up less than a third of the space. I went back out and to the other door, it opened into a huge bathroom with a jetted tub set against the wall with a giant window overlooking the woods again, a separate waterfall shower, his and hers sinks and a separate toilet room with its own little window.

"Paul, this is amazing." I told him walking back into the main bedroom.

He shrugged, "thanks."

I let myself out onto the patio and looked out into the woods. "It's like the rest of La Push isn't really there. Just us in a cabin in the woods." I told him after a moment.

"Yeah, it's the best part of the house. The yard is mostly in the front and we are the last house on the end of the block and we face an odd angle so it's nothing but woods on three sides."

"It's so quiet."

"Why are you sad?"

"I'm tired."

"Sixty hour work weeks, music lessons, French lessons and whatever else. I'm not surprised."

"I've been here for almost a week with nothing to do."

"You got here five days ago and have found ways to keep busy and still barely sleep."

"I didn't do anything yesterday or the day before."

"What do you do for fun?"

"I sing, learn to play the piano and speak French."

"Part of your job and the other two are work hobbies. I mean in your down time to relax."

"What do you do?"

"Jump off cliffs."

"Really?" I turned from where I was standing at the rail to lean against it and watch him. "You jump off cliff's to relax?"

"It's fun and feels good to let go. You should try it."

"Jumping off a cliff?"

"Having fun and letting go."

"Besides jumping off cliff's and renovating beautiful homes what do you do?"

"I told you, I build things, furniture mostly but I also do some carving and sell it as well."

"Besides work."

"I run patrols, hang out with the pack and the usual things a twenty three year old male does I guess."

"I read. When I want downtime, I read or see movies and I write. I do yoga and sometimes take self-defense classes, I go out for drinks with friends, all of the things a normal twenty-two year old girl does."

"A normal twenty-two year old doesn't work sixty hour weeks and take French and piano lessons and yoga and self-defense on top of it."

"I like to keep busy."

"You don't like to be still. It's why you're tired."

"I read and I write."

"When?"

"I read yesterday."

"When is the last time you just had fun?"

"I went to the beach with Seth."

"You sat there."

"Exactly, I was still."

Paul laughed and held up his hands "Ok, fine but you could have swum or come cliff jumping with us. Instead you wall yourself off from making friends and stay to busy to have time to think."

"I didn't have a suit and I have friends."

"Your roommate slash coworker and two friendly acquaintances who are also your boss and French teacher."

"Do you have any friends? The pack not withstanding since that is a forced friendship really."

"Jared has been my best friend since we were in diapers."

"Well my best friend turned into a giant dog and stopped taking my calls."

"Not his fault."

"Not mine either but you'll forgive me for not caring to have it happen again."

He nodded, "Fair enough. You hungry?"

"A little." I admitted.

"Come on then, I need lunch."

I followed him back into the house and down the stairs. While he went into the kitchen area, I wandered around the living area and got a closer look at things. The place had huge windows on all but the front facing wall, those were much smaller and curtained. There was a beautiful stone fireplace, a decent sized flat screen surrounded by shelves. The couch was large and comfortably worn looking and the coffee table looked beat up but stable. The photos around were all of Sam and the guys or in groups with the girls. One was of a woman I didn't recognize with two scraggy boys I imagined were Jared and Paul. She was in several others with the two boys over various years and I wondered if she was Paul's mother, she was beautiful. I wandered over to the kitchen and pushed open the back door, it opened onto a porch that I was guessing was right under the upstairs one. It had a porch swing so I sat on it and gazed out over the woods.

"Here. I might have been on my own a long time but I still can't cook much."

"Sounds just like Charlie." I sent him a smile, "Thanks." I ate half the sandwich while he devoured two leaning against the rail. I handed the rest of mine to him.

"You don't eat much."

"I'm a small woman."

"Tiny." He murmured looking over my form, "I could wrap my hands around your waist and I think I can see a rib through that shirt."

"You can not. I am a healthy one eleven."

"You need to put on at least ten pounds maybe fifteen or twenty. You're not as scary thin as after the leech left but much less curvy than you were in Jake's memory."

"What do you care?"

"You're my imprint. It's genetically encoded in my blood to worry about you."

"Well I'm fine."

"You look ready to pass out. Let's put on a movie and you can take a nap."

"I don't want to nap."

"Want to watch a movie?"

I shrugged, "I guess, sure."

We went back into the house and he dumped the dishes in the sink, "What do you want to watch?"

"Anything is fine."

"Ok." He went to the TV and put on a DVD.

"What did you put in?"

"Thought you didn't care?"

"I don't."

"The Transporter."

"Good choice." I nodded. I was right, the couch was worn in and comfortable, the kind of couch that seems to embrace you in warmth and comfort. I was asleep before the scene when Frank opened the package to find the Asian girl.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

The sun was low when I woke up.

"Feel better?"

I yawned and sat up, "Yeah actually, thanks. How long was I asleep?"

"Five hours or so. I'll grill up something for dinner, you can stay here the night and I'll get your rental car fixed by the morning or drive you to the airport myself."

"I can go back to the house in Forks."

He shrugged, "You want chicken or burgers for dinner?"

"Burgers."

He pulled something out of the freezer and put it in the sink before turning back to me, "Meat is in the sink to thaw, we'll eat around seven if it's alright with you?"

"Sounds fine, we just ate lunch."

"Wolves eat about three times as much as regular people in one sitting and we eat twice as often so food is pretty well always on our minds. Want a beer?"

"Please. What did you do while I slept?"

"Watched the movie, slept a couple hours, cleaned up lunch dishes, called Sam and told him to get someone to cover my patrol. Nothing really."

"When were you supposed to run patrol?"

"Half an hour ago. It's fine. I've covered for the others plenty."

"Where do you work?"

"Shed on the side of the house and outside. I want to expand it but its fine. I have money anyways."

"From what?"

"Inheritance."

I didn't pry further, "So what do we do now?"

"Do you always have to have something to do?"

"Yes."

"Change out of that and let's go for a walk."

"This is all I have and where are my shoes?"

"I took them off when you fell asleep. Wait here."

He came back down a minute later, "Here." He tossed me a black t-shirt and pair of shorts. I rolled my eyes at him and went into the nearer bedroom to change. The shirt reached my knees but the shorts belonged to a girl, I didn't like the shot of jealousy that ran through me when I realized that but they were only two sizes to big, so I pushed away the feeling and put them on.

"I found an old pair of sandals of Kim's at the bottom of the Kim and Jared box of shit they left here when they didn't need to use my place for a place to be alone. After three years you'd think they'd pick it up but I guess it's a good thing now." He called from outside the door.

"Thanks." I pulled it open and accepted the slightly to large shoes.

"Tiny feet."

"I told you, I'm a small woman."

"Tiny." He responded with a wink. "Come on, it's good enough lets go."

I followed him out the back door into the woods. "Is it safe to walk out here like this?"

"Dark wont hit for a good two hours and you are with a werewolf remember. I dismember and burn leeches for kicks."

"Right." I laughed and stumbled in the to big shoes. He took my hand and we walked slowly through the woods. "It's pretty out here. Quiet."

"Not if you listen." He replied. I took his advice and listened. I heard the wind rustling the leaves, the song of some birds and some other quiet sounds. It was peaceful.

About twenty minutes later, we reached a waterfall.

"It's beautiful!" I gasped.

"Yeah, this is my happy place." He pulled off his shirt and slipped off his shoes, "Come on." He tugged me along and I kicked off my borrowed sandals, following him into the water. It was cool but not cold, well the little pond wasn't, the waterfall was cold and beat down over my shoulders. I loved it. I felt warm arms wrap around me and I leaned back into his heat.

"How are you so warm?"

"Wolf thing. We all run well over a hundred." I sighed in response and just leaned back into him, resting my head against his shoulder and closing my eyes. A few minutes passed before he spoke again, "Look over there." I opened my eyes to see where he was motioning into the woods and saw a deer and her foal. "Baby looks young still, must have been a June birth."

"You seem more at ease out here. In your home to but out there…"

"I'm a quiet, dark and moody asshole."

I shrugged, "Well quiet and dark I've seen but there is just something about you that seems… tense maybe. Only its not something noticeable until after seeing you here."

"You're a lot more relaxed out here to."

"How worried should I be with a werewolf to protect me from the beasts of the woods?"

"How worried should you be in Sam's kitchen or sitting on the beach in broad daylight."

"Fair enough. I guess I always just feel, anxious or something."

"Not here?"

"No." I sighed and leaned back against him again, "I feel peaceful here."

"Peaceful but cold. Come on and get back into the water, it will be warmer than under the falls." We moved off the rocks and into the warmer water.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Do you have a place like this in New Orleans? A peaceful place?" He asked instead of answering.

"No." I sighed, "I wish I could take it with me."

"It's always here when you need it."

"I'd never find my way back and I'd be to scared out here alone."

"I'll bring you."

We swam around a bit more before climbing out. I shivered in the cooling evening air. "Take off that wet shirt and put on my dry one." He told me, turning to look at the waterfall and give me some privacy. I stripped off the shirt and shorts. His shirts were long enough to be dresses anyways.

"Ok, I'm decent."

He turned and his eyes raked over my body, the tee shirt clung to my wet skin. H swallowed and nodded, reaching out for the wet bundle in my arms "Let me take that one."

He led the way back through the woods. It took us longer to get back and neither of us felt the need to speak, it was nice.

"Go on and shower up in my room. I'll wait till you're done."

"I can use the one down here."

"Mine is better and the one down here isn't stocked."

"Ok, if you're sure." He nodded so I hurried up the steps, my bare feet silent on the smooth wood.

His shower was heaven. It was like hot rainfall cascading down over me. I used his shampoo and soap, they smelled earthy and sexy and male. I wrapped myself in his towel and when I went into the bedroom, my bag was on the end of the bed. I walked over and pulled out my 20s flapper dress. It was loose and comfortable in a cream colored cotton, jersey material. I left off any shoes and made my way downstairs. Paul was in the kitchen in a dry pair of shorts, still shirtless.

"Shower is free."

"Thanks. What do you want with the burgers? I don't have much in the way of green stuff but or I have Doritos or fries or I can run to the store.

"Doritos are fine with me. Can I help?"

"You can slice some cheese and the tomato for the toppings. I'll just be five minutes in the shower."

"It's fine, take your time. Knives and a cutting board?"

"Knives are in the island drawer on the left and cutting board is here." He set it on the island before pulling a knife out of the drawer. "Help yourself to beer or whatever."

"Thanks." I went into the kitchen and opened a beer before slicing the cheese and the tomato, picking at little pieces, I was surprised by how hungry I was. Paul was back down in a pair of jeans, still shirtless, ten minutes later. "Why do none of you wear shirts?" I asked my eyes raking over every inch of his broad, muscular chest, ripped abs and narrow hips.

"We have to take off our clothes and carry them with us when we phase, only carrying shorts makes it easier and sometimes we need to phase fast and don't have time to do more than shuck a pair or shorts, if that. We've all been through a lot of clothes and shoes over the years. We also run hot so we don't really feel the cold. After a while, you get used to it. I think I only own five or six shirts and one of those I got special for the wedding, we all did. Well Leah got them for us anyways."

I laughed, "So we went through half your wardrobe of tops just today?"

"Yup, but a quick load of laundry will cure that. Machine is in that cupboard beside the kitchen with a drier on top. I'll put in a load after dinner if you have anything you want to put in."

"Thanks." We worked easily together in the kitchen and when he took the patties out to the deck to grill, I grabbed both our beers and followed.

"Do you ever think about what you want to do long term?" He asked as he started up the grill.

"Sure. Lisa and I took an online business class last year but it was just too much on top of work to keep up. It was interesting though. We talked about opening a café, then at night it would turn into a bar, like a real prohibition era club with live jazz and girls serving drinks in proper twenties clothes. We also talked about opening a shop. We'd have tons of books for sale with a café in the back with comfortable chairs to just sit and chill. Art by local people would be displayed for sale on the walls and all around on shelves or display tables and all the furniture would be for sale as well. The table and chairs, everything, it would be a right mix of second hand and original handmade things for sale. Lisa makes jewelry so she also thought about opening up a little shop for that, she'd do the production and I'd run the store while Etienne managed the books. Who knows really, it was all just talk and pipe dreams. I guess I never thought very seriously about it."

"Sounds like some good ideas to me."

I shrugged, "Maybe. How'd you get started with your business?"

"I took some classes online in business once people started asking to buy my stuff though Jared deals with the books for me. Mostly word just got around that I was good and it built itself. I did odd jobs Sam found for me the summer after graduating. The year you spent here, I worked with him on some construction sites and started to renovate this place. People around here appreciated the work I did so Jared set up a web site with some of the furniture I made and people bought it. I always did carving so I put some of those pieces up and was asked to work on some carvings at the gallery for tourists to watch the process in the summer. I still do odd fix it jobs around the reservation, work on renovations people want done or build them porch swings, I'm near famous for them they sell so well but I also do both other outdoor and indoor furniture. I built the stuff in the upstairs room. The whole thing just sort of built up around me."

"You make it sound simple."

"It was a lot of work but Sam and Jared helped, they pushed me to make the hobby a real job and now I have a pretty decent career of it."

"Well, I'm glad it worked out for you."

"Yeah, likely better than anything I would have gotten into if I had never phased and been able to leave the rez."

"Why do you say that?"

"I was a pretty angry guy back then. I'm still a moody ass but it's a lot better than the last time you lived here."

"Well it just goes to show."

"What?"

"Everything happens for a reason." I told him, "It's something both Lisa and I live by. We might not always know or understand why things go the way they go but everything happens for a reason. We make our choices in life and choose our paths all the while fate guides us along, creating certain events to get us back on the right track to something or to teach us a lesson or whatever, who knows. Sort of a, we make our own destiny in the chaos of the world but fate also has a plan, philosophy."

"I like that. It's a good way to view things. Accepting chaos and trusting fate."

"Exactly." I grinned at him and he plated the burgers.

We ate and cleaned the kitchen making light small talk or just enjoying the companionable silence.

"Movie or a game?" He asked after the last dish was dry and put away.

I shrugged, "What did you have in mind?"

"Poker?"

"Stakes?"

"What do you think?"

"We can play for small coins or questions."

"Both, winner of a round gets one question."

"Five Card Stud or Texas Hold Em?"

"Texas Hold Em."

"Cards?"

He went and grabbed the cards and we sat at the table to play. The first round I won thirty cents so I got to ask first. "What's your favorite color?"

"Red."

He got two wins in a row next, and asked me my favorite song and food. We asked favorite flower and name of the first person we kissed. He was less than pleased it was Edward but I reminded him it wasn't really a real kiss. He argued that it didn't count so I had to give him a different name. About an hour in, we gave up on the cards and just started playing twenty hard and painful questions. Bottles of beer littered the table.

"What happened to your parents?"

"My mom was a greedy whore who got herself knocked up by an older man while only seventeen. He was a decent guy from what I know and he married her but then he died in a car accident when I was two. She got herself knocked up to get him to marry her because he was really well off and she wanted a man to take care of her and buy her things. When he died she got screwed over, I guess he wasn't as dumb or easy to manipulate as she'd hoped because everything he had was left to me in a trust for when I reached eighteen. She couldn't touch any of it but the grand a month stipulated for my care, which left the trust at well over eight hundred grand when I hit eighteen." I whistled. "Yeah, she was pissed, he was well off from property investments and his life insurance was a good policy."

"So where is she now?"

"Dead. Her third husband tossed her down the stairs and she died of internal injuries when I was sixteen. Jared's mom took custody of me after that. Woman is a goddamn saint. She owns the bakery in town. Used to be that she ran it for some sexist prick but as soon as I hit eighteen the first thing I did with the money was buy it for her."

"That was good of her and of you."

"Woman practically raised me with Jared."

"What happened to husband number two?"

"Mom cheated on him with future husband number three because it turned out he was a bum who wouldn't give her the life style she wanted. They were married until I was eight. He hated me and my loving mother would just tell me to man up when he laid into me with his fists to teach me to be a man. That's when I learned how to fight. She married the third prick before the ink on the divorce papers was dry. He was worse than the last guy. He worked and let my mom quit her job, which made her happy but she was never the domestic little wife type he demanded her to be. Everything had to be perfect. Every meal home made and on the table when he walked in the door, his ironing and whatever the fuck else done to specification and when it wasn't he'd beat the shit out of her. Two years in and mom was crying about his having an affair. He told her it was a man's prerogative and when she got upset, he walked out. As soon as she realized his money went with him, she went crawling. He told her to fuck off I guess because she had a string of boyfriends over the next three years. She was gone more than she was here until she showed up with husband number four. Two years down the line and the drunk fuck overdosed and mom was sent to rehab. Six months later she's back and clean, meets back up with husband number three and they start up again but it's not long before he's beating the crap out of her again and she is bitching about his new wife and how he'll have to leave the bitch and remarry her. I didn't understand until after he shoved her down the stairs and it came out she was knocked up. He fucked off with his sweet, docile little wife who pretended the whole thing never happened, just like she pretended he never screwed around. My mother died of internal damage and Jared's mom legally took me in but she'd been taking care of me all my life, even put my elementary school projects and report cards on the fridge beside Jared's."

"So your mom left you this house?"

"No. Bitch didn't leave me anything but bad memories and three thousand dollars in debt. This house belonged to my daddy and came to me with everything else. Mom was allowed to live in it but couldn't sell it or she might have after husband three left when she took of to the city or during the drug stage with husband four."

"I'm sorry Paul."

"Life's a bitch."

"A gift and a curse."

"What's that?"

"What Victoria said to me in her note. Life is hard, a gift and a curse. There is no end to suffering, take the pain and let it make you stronger."

"Yeah." He agreed. "What about your mom?"

"Mom, was, well is, flighty and eccentric. I can't remember a time she wasn't forgetting to grocery shop, pay bills, do laundry, or pick me up from school. She loved life and trying new things, when she did cook it was always some fun experiment to try something new and not always edible, especially when she wasn't working from a recipe. She was a friend more than a mother and at times, I was the mother. I made sure bills were paid; I did the shopping and the cooking and the laundry. I made sure she got off to work and didn't spend all our money on some scam or new fad. She was loving and kind and fun but irresponsible. I never fit in with kids at school so never had real friends. She used to half laugh and half complain about me always ruining her fun and being a boring old woman instead of a young girl. I worried about her being on her own so I came to stay with Charlie less and less. When she married Phil, I didn't want to move here, I loved the sun, the desert heat, but she was miserable when he was travelling because she felt she had to stay with me when he went though really I can't imagine why. The truth was I was tired. I didn't want to take care of her anymore and I knew he would make sure she was ok. Things were better when I moved here. I still did the shopping, cooking and cleaning but Charlie is a responsible adult, he pays his bills and goes to work. We are a lot alike in some ways but have nothing really in common and I never really knew him."

"So why Cullen?"

"He was mysterious and beautiful. He made me feel like a teenage girl. His family made me feel like I finally had a place to belong. Alice was my first friend and Edward was the first guy I'd ever even thought to be interested in. They were all so beautiful it ate at my self-esteem and Alice was always picking at what I wore, buying me clothes and doing my hair and makeup to make me prettier. Edward was always so concerned for my safety; I swear it gave me a freaking complex. I was a klutz in Phoenix but suddenly I was afraid to fall down if he wasn't right there to catch me. I don't really know what happened or how it did but I became this needy, self-hating Bella doll and all I wanted was to be near them because I belonged there. I just needed to fit in, to be more beautiful and smarter and less breakable. It was very messed up. Edward was obsessive and kind of a stalker until he got bored of me. They all drew me in, made me feel welcome, manipulated my emotions. Even Rosalie who hated me, all I wanted was for her to like me, if I just tried harder and was more accommodating and more beautiful then she would want me to, just like Alice and the others did. Jasper was the only one who didn't play mind games with me or fuck with my emotions, which is ironic since he is the empath and can actually influence people's emotions. He just sort of stayed away, he wasn't friendly or unfriendly, just kept his distance."

"Jake?"

"Jake was my sun. The Cullen's left me cold and empty, grey like Forks. Jacob brought warmth back to me. I didn't hurt as much when I was with him. He didn't want me to be anything but with him. He pulled the pieces of me back together and promised me he would never leave me but he did and all the pieces held together by his warmth and smile shattered again. I was careful not to love Quil and I had been cautious about having a girl friend, so as much as I liked Angela I didn't let either of them entirely into my heart. Deep down I knew I would loose them to and I did. It broke new pieces of me but wasn't as debilitating as the others. By then I was just sort of lost in the darkness."

"I'm sorry."

"Not you fault."

"It wasn't theirs either, Jacob, Quil and Angela I mean."

"Sam either right."

"I know he wishes he had found a better way of handling it but no I don't think you can really blame him either. It was a bad situation is all."

"Why do you listen to him?"

"He's alpha."

"It's not just the wolf thing though. You let him speak for you."

"Sam takes care of things, he takes care of us. It's been hard and bad things have happened but we count on him. That's not an easy position to be put in; the head of a pack of angry, teenage werewolves but we're alive and sane because of him."

"Everything happens for a reason though right."

"Yeah," he agreed, "I mean any imprint of mine would have to have had some understanding of how dark the world really is."

I laughed lowly, "Yeah and I might never have learned to be so strong or met Lisa or moved to New Orleans and started singing jazz."

"Will you sing something for me?"

The depressing conversation inspired me so I hummed a bit and sang Julie London's Cry me a River.

He smiled at me, "How about something happier?"

I chuckled and sang him Peggy Leah's Fever. He got up and pulled me to my feet and we danced while I switched to Nora Jones's Come Away with Me. As my voice finally faded away, he kissed me. It was sweet and gentle and sad. It was unlike any kiss before it and yet it was like I had been kissing him for years.

I moved my hands up his broad shoulders to his neck and into his short hair. He deepened the kiss but it was still so slow and steady, as though we had forever to kiss. I felt his hands move over my back and hips and felt tingles of warmth spreading through me. He broke the kiss only to pull my dress over my head. I wore nothing but a scrap of white lace panties underneath. I saw his nostrils flare as he just looked at me. Then his hands and mouth were dancing across my skin in caresses so light they were barely there. I let my fingertips dance across his copper flesh, tracing each muscle and scar. When he went back to my mouth in another slow kiss, his tongue caressing mine, I moved my hands to his shorts and opened them. He wore nothing underneath.

When my body felt like lava, liquid and overheated, and I wasn't sure I could stand anymore, it was as if he could feel it and he lifted me into his arms. He continued to kiss me as he carried me upstairs.

He made love to me that same way we kissed. Slow with a steadily building heat that melted away everything, leaving my soul bare to him. I felt tears spill out of the corners of my eyes as I climaxed and he kissed them away.

I fell asleep in his arms and didn't wake up until the rays of morning sun fell across my eyes. I slipped from the bed and took his shirt from the wedding from its hanger in the closet. It was the only one left in there. I went downstairs and out to the porch settling on the swing he had made, and letting it gently rock as I watched the sun rise up over the trees.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

I knew the moment he came downstairs, though he didn't make a sound, and five minutes later, he came out with a steaming mug of fresh coffee in each hand. "Milk or sugar."

I shook my head and accepted the mug, "Thanks." He leaned against the rail staring out into the woods while I watched him, "I can't leave can I?"

"You can do whatever you want to."

"Paul."

"I don't want you to leave."

"I'm not your mother."

"I'm not Cullen or Jake."

"What happens now?"

"Move in."

"Here with you?"

"I can move into one of the rooms down here."

"Has anything changed or do you still hate me underneath the imprint."

"I never hated you, not personally at least. I sort of hate everyone and everything not pack." He replied, "Especially leeches and you are, or were a leech lover."

"Now I'm a wolf imprint."

"My imprint."

"Right."

"What now?"

"I go back to New Orleans and talk to Lisa, pack up and quit my jobs. Is anywhere hiring around here?"

"Take a break Bella. Move down and relax a bit. Get to know the pack. Rebuild your friendship with Jake. Try to get along with Sam."

"I can support myself."

"I know and when you are settled you can decided what you want to do."

"Want me to make breakfast?"

"Never turn down a meal."

I smiled at his answer and got up to go inside. He cleaned up the table and our clothes from the night before while I made bacon and eggs. We ate at the island and cleaned up together.

"I'll call Jake and get him to fix your rental while you shower."

"Thanks." I nodded.

An hour later and we were sitting side by side on his porch steps. I knew the moment he heard the car because his body tensed. I went inside as soon as Jake parked but Paul didn't stay out and talk to him because less than two minutes later he was following me into the house with the keys.

"I'll get your things."

"Paul."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me."

"Everything happens for a reason Bella. If you're it then I want to try to understand why."

I thought about his words while he went and got my bag and put it into the car. He kissed me before I got in; this kiss was different from the night before, it was bruising intensity and desperate passion and my body screamed for him to take me.

I got into the car and drove away, each mile more painful. His words ran through my mind along with flashes of him, the way the left corner of his mouth would quirk up when he was amused or just before he really smiled. How relaxed and easy he looked leaning against the post of the back porch. His dark eyes burning into me as he told me about his history. The little frown line that just formed between his eyes when he was worrying about me, either because I was tired or didn't eat as much as he thought I should. Each little shift in his expression seemed to have become stored like photographs in my head, as though I had been studying him for years instead of having spent less than twenty-four hours with him.

I could recall each circular burn scar, three on his forearm and one on his calf, the long jagged scar on his hip and the one just behind his left ear. He had three on his back in diagonal strips and one that crossed over onto his shoulder. I could remember the feel and taste of them but while I could guess how he'd gotten them, I didn't know where each one came from or how old he was at the time.

I felt cold without his warmth around me.

I called Lisa from the airport.

"Hey Bell, heading home or do you need me to send you more cash?"

"I need you to send me everything."

"Bell?"

"I'm not coming back Lise."

"What the fuck?"

"I met someone, it's complicated, things here are complicated but I'm done running from the past and who I used to be."

"Take some time and think about this Bell."

"Please Lise."

I heard her sigh, "Ok, it's your life. I'll box it all and ship it, just send me the address."

"Keep enough for another months rent, hopefully you'll find a new roommate to move in."

"Yeah, right, listen you can always come back alright."

"Thanks Lise."

"I'll be seeing you Bell."

"I'll see you again then. Best of luck, yeah."

"You to."

I gave her the address and then we hung up with a quick, "Take care."

I called August and Etienne next. They were not so easy as Lise and thought I was doing something crazy. Maybe I was. In the end though they wished me luck and love and August informed me he'd find a job for me at the bar if I came back. Finally, I called the café. I wasn't close to them so it was a quick, I'm quitting effective now and that was it. Then I was on the road back to La Push.

Paul wasn't home when I got there so I walked around back and sat on the porch swing.

"Bella?" Jared stepped out of the woods a little while later.

"Jared."

"I thought you went home."

"Yeah."

He looked at me confused, "Why are you sitting out here?"

"Paul isn't here."

"Back door is always open."

"Good, I need to pee. Thanks."

"Yeah."

"Why are you here?"

"I was running patrol and caught your scent."

"Where is Paul?"

"Sam's place, want me to get him?"

I shook my head, "No thanks, but shouldn't you be getting back to patrol or something?"

"Right, yeah, are you sure you're ok?"

"Fine thanks." He was still watching me funny so I got up and went into Paul's house to pee. I grabbed a beer and a book from his shelves and went back out to the porch swing. I had only read three pages when Paul showed up, walking out of the woods in a pair of low-slung cut-offs. "Jared went for you?"

He nodded, "Full flight?"

I shrugged, "Waste of money to fly there and back. Lisa is sending my things."

He nodded, "Pack's eating at Sam's."

"Is that a nightly thing?"

"Every Sunday we do a cookout, also on bonfire nights or special occasions the whole pack heads over for dinner but a lot of the time a few of us will turn up there or to which ever house the girls have been cooking at. Mostly it's Emily's kitchen, pack central there, poor bastard has wolves tramping in and out all the time, if not for pack business then for his woman's cooking."

"Ok." I stood up and walked down the steps to him.

"We'll need to return the rental and find you something more permanent to drive." He led the way over to his truck.

"As soon as my things get here I'll have the cash for something used."

"Leave your bank cards in New Orleans?"

"I have no bank account or credit cards."

He shot a look to me then nodded, "We can go tomorrow and get you an account, unless there is a reason besides not being found that you don't have one?" I shook my head. "Then we can drop off your rental and you can drive my truck or we can buy you something." Before I could speak, he held up his hand to stop me and continued, "You can give me cash for it when it gets here or just drive my truck if you don't want to buy. I don't have as much use for it since it's just as easy for me to run most places on the rez."

"I'll drive your truck then, no point buying two cars if we don't need them."

He nodded in agreement, as he parked at Sam and Emily's cottage. Dinner went much smoother than the last one, no arguments between Sam and I, though I had to fight back the urge to smack the smug smile off his face when he saw I hadn't left and to punch him for the arrogance floating off him for me having given in to his fucking orders. I contented myself with staying close to Paul and saying as little as possible; mostly I just ignored them all.

When we went home Paul went upstairs and came back down with a clean pair of shorts and a pillow, "I'll clear all my crap out when yours arrives."

"It's your house Paul. I'll take one of the rooms down here."

He gave me this look with one eyebrow cocked as if daring me to argue with him. I knew we'd both end up sleeping down here or he'd carry me up, so I gave in with a roll of my eyes and went up to bed.

First thing I did was find a now clean t-shirt in his closet and pull it on to sleep in. A couple hours later and I was still awake and heard the downstairs door open.

"Paul?" I got out of bed and called down the stairs quietly, half wondering if I imagined the noise.

"Yeah? I wake you."

No, I couldn't fucking sleep for thinking about him. "No."

"Need something?"

You. "Do you have patrol?"

"No, just couldn't sleep. What's wrong?"

"Can you come here?" He was up the stairs a second later, "I'm cold." I lied.

He stalked forward and I backed up until my knees hit the mattress. I crawled into bed and he settled next to me. I breathed him in before snuggling into his side and falling asleep in seconds.

I woke up sweating and quietly climbed out of the bed and went down to start the coffee. Five minutes later and I heard the shower start.

"What are you doing today?" I asked him as he came down into the kitchen and I handed him a mug of coffee and a plate of pancakes.

"Meeting with a couple who want custom baby furniture with Jared in a couple hours. Then I have patrol."

"You need your truck for the meeting?"

"Jared is picking me up so you can have it."

"Great. I'll go into town and look for work."

"I thought you were going to take a break."

"That doesn't mean I shouldn't keep an eye out, besides what am I supposed to do? Sit around here all day and wait for you to get home?"

"Go to the beach, visit friends from school, write, sing, redecorate the house, whatever you want."

"Even if I had friends it's the middle of the week, most people have jobs, I don't have my laptop to write or my guitar to sing and your house is decorated fine."

He sighed, "What about Jake, Quil and Angela? Or get to know the other girls."

"They don't work?"

"Emily doesn't. She's pack mother, it's a full time job cooking and looking after all of us. Kim only works part time at the bakery with Jared's mom, Jenna has one more year of school left so she has nothing for the summer and Holly works on the cars with Jake, she's a bigger grease monkey than him. I'm sure he can spare her."

"Jake fixes cars now, what do the other guys do?"

"Sam runs a construction crew, mostly it's the pack; they do renovations and occasionally flip a house in Forks. Embry does electrical, I help with framing and woodwork and all the boys pitch in to earn cash. Quil and Embry do some work for Jake on top of working for Sam, though mostly it's just Jake and Holly at the garage. Jared does the books for Sam, Jacob and his mom's bakery as well as me; the fucker is good with numbers. Collin and Brady are still in school; they work for Sam in the summer. Both Clearwater's work at their mom's diner, Seth cooks and Leah waits tables."

"Angela?"

"She's working at a daycare in Forks."

"What do the twins want to do?"

"Collin wants to work with kids so he'll probably work with Angela after getting his certification from PAU for young childhood education and Brady is talking about doing a trade like plumbing to round out Sam's crew. Quil bought a house in Forks that we are renovating and going to resell. He's good at business like that where as Sam is better with design, before he phased he planned to get into architecture."

"So everyone is pretty busy then."

"Yeah, we keep busy."

"So I should to then."

I saw the left side of his mouth quirk up as he fought a smile. "Redecorate."

"What's wrong with your house?"

"It's our house now and it needs to reflect you to."

"No, it's your house, I just live here and my stuff will make it reflect me when it gets here."

"Plan out the downstairs rooms then."

"Can I have one of them?"

"Sure, you want an office or a library or something?"

"No a bedroom."

"You have a bedroom."

"That's your room."

"Not anymore."

"Paul."

"Bella."

"Why decorate an empty room then?"

"So it's not empty."

"What do you want to use it for, do you have guests?"

"What if Lisa comes to visit you?"

"She can sleep with me."

"Fine. Leave the room empty. I have notebooks you can write in, movies you can watch, books you can read, whatever."

"Why don't you want me looking for work?"

"You need to take a break or you are going to burn out or crash and get sick. Relax, be lazy, eat." He said eyeing my form again.

"Seriously what is your obsession with me eating?"

"You eat like a bird and my bicep weights more than you."

"You have huge arms. There is nothing wrong with my weight."

"Fine. Don't eat. Do whatever you want Bella. Just please. Take a fucking vacation. Relax for a week and settle into the slower La Push life."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

"I still want the truck today."

"Take it but we have to return your rental car before Jared comes to pick me up so let's get going. I'll wash up later."

"I can do it. Nothing else to do."

"You aren't here to cook and clean up after me."

"I like cooking and its nice to do it for someone again, I either don't have the time or energy in New Orleans. Besides I'm sure you'll do your share of the cleaning, this place is immaculate for a bachelor pad."

"Yeah well I try not to be a pig and I pay a girl to come in once a week and do a proper clean."

"You pay a cleaning lady?"

"Inheritance money. I live carefully and work hard, I always have, so I don't really need to stress about paying for little luxuries like the girl who comes in for two or three hours once a week and cleans. Or eating out when I don't have Emily to cook, or paying a little more than my share in the grocery pool to cover the younger guys who aren't working or the guys who are short one month because of anniversaries or Christmas and shit."

We drove into PA and returned my rental car and Paul stopped to get us both a coffee before driving back to La Push where Jared was already waiting for us.

"Sorry man, we went to return Bella's rental."

"Sure, sure, plenty of time. Morning Bella."

"Good Morning Jared."

"What are you up to today?"

I shrugged, "Learning how to be lazy I guess."

He laughed, "Good luck. If it becomes too much Kim gets off work in an hour, it might be easier with company and girl talk."

"Yeah, thanks, I'll keep it in mind."

Paul kissed my temple and climbed into Jared's truck. I watched them disappear down the street and went inside. A half hour later and I had done the dishes, a load of laundry and nearly paced a hole in his floor." I went outside and shook my head at his front yard and after five minutes of staring I realized Paul had told me to redecorate. I liked his taste; the house was classic, warm and simple. The front yard was an eyesore.

I climbed into his truck and drove out to Port Angeles. It took me a bit of driving in circles to find a nursery but I did. I also found a very nice elderly gentleman, working the till and got him to spend just over an hour going over what I wanted and how big the space was, then he helped me select plants and tools and even gave me a fifteen percent discount.

I drove back to La Push, mindful of the plants in the truck bed. George, the nice man who owned the nursery, had also let me borrow his little trailer to get my new mower and all the things that didn't fit in the truck home.

I looked around the yard and shook my head. It was a bloody disaster. I got to work. Two hours later, I felt good but I was discouraged by how long it was taking to do small things. I was grateful for the distraction when a car pulled to a stop in front of the house and Kim and Emily got out.

"Hey Bella. Jared said you were vegging today; we thought we'd pop by for a visit." Kim called.

"Great. I could use one." I wiped sweat from my brow.

"This is not quite the type of vegging I thought he meant." Kim laughed looking at the yard.

Emily and I laughed with her. "The doing nothing thing wasn't working for me."

"Baby steps." Emily suggested. "This is a big job."

"Yeah and its' harder work than I thought."

"This is where reinforcements come in and having a pack of very strong men at your call helps." Emily smiled warmly, pulling out her cell.

"Yeah, those boys do anything for the hand that feeds." Kim agreed.

"I'm sure they are busy, I can do it." I told them but Emily had already dialed.

"Hey boys, what are you doing now?... Ok, well, could you come over to Paul's and help Bella, Kim and I with a little yard work?... Great. Thanks boys." She hung up and turned to me, "Collin and Brady will be over in five to help with the heavy lifting. Shall we get you a cold drink and maybe prepare snacks for them?"

I let her take the lead; she really was like a mother hen, or mother wolf or whatever. We went in and made snacks and when we came back out the boys had arrived and had already unloaded the rest of the stuff I'd left in the truck.

I explained what I was doing and Emily put them to work, sandwiches in hand. In an hour, we had the yard cleared and the boys had pulled the dead plants and young trees and were mowing the lawn on my new mower. Thank god, for George's discount. I was now down to a hundred dollars but I had a project until my stuff arrived in a day or two.

Once the lawn was mowed, we hydrated and refueled the twins while we marked out where I wanted the stone path from the drive to the front door and where I wanted the flowers. We worked for hours only stopping to feed the twins a third time before sending them home and then sprawling out on the newly cut lawn.

We sat up when we heard a truck pull up to the house.

"What's this?"

I smiled over at Paul, "You said to redecorate."

"I also said to relax."

"I did. It was boring, besides the twins did most of the heavy lifting. Do you like it? It's not done or anything, I have a tree for that hole there and this area here is going to be those stones to make a path to the door and along the front there I want to replant some of the baby trees we dug up before starting."

"What about flowers?"

"You don't strike me as the flower type."

"Don't you want flowers?"

I sighed but smiled at him, "I'm putting those big round pots there over by the steps here and they'll have flowers and those three oval ones will be set together at the end of the drive there with the house number on the little one in front. I really just wanted to clean it up a bit but not give it too much of a manicured look. These wooden pots at the front will have some wild flower seeds tossed in the soil around them so they look like they've been there forever and the two half barrel looking ones for the front are going to be filled with daisies but I'll leave all that for tomorrow. I'm wiped."

"Yeah." Kim agreed, "Me to."

"Want to swing by the diner for dinner then?" Jared asked her pulling her into a hug. "Or I can pick us up a pizza and a movie?"

"Pizza and a movie sounds great."

"I better get home to, Sam will be getting home soon." Emily came over and hugged me. "I'll be by after breakfast to help with the rest."

"I'm not working tomorrow so I'll come by with Emily. Have a good night." Kim hugged me to before walking over to Jared's truck, "Jared?"

"Yeah, right, night Bella. Later Paul."

A minute later, and Paul and I were alone in the growing twilight, "Is the yard ok?"

"It's great. I can help with the stones tomorrow. Come on. You shower while I make us something to eat."

"Thanks." I followed him into the house and went up to his heavenly shower. When I came down he had a frozen pizza heated and beers opened for both of us.

"Figured Jared had the right of it. Why don't you pick a movie?"

I walked over to the shelves and scanned his titles, "Star Trek? I haven't seen the new one."

"Sure. Sit and I'll put it in." I ate my pizza and then curled against him to watch. When it was over, I was half asleep already. Paul turned off the movie and lifted me up to carry me upstairs.

"I can walk."

"Yeah but I can carry you to. Close your eyes."

"Are you going to be my heater again?"

"If you want me to."

I nodded against his chest. The house was perfectly warm, I just liked being in his arms; I slept better than I had in years both nights I'd spent with him.

The next day we finished the yard and then went to Sue's for dinner with Charlie. He was thrilled I was still in town, not so much that I was living with Paul though and offered me our old house several times.

The day after that, my stuff arrived from New Orleans. I unpacked, did laundry and set out the few pictures and other things I had. I wasn't a clutter person, and Lisa and I shared a small space, so there wasn't much and it blended well with Paul's stuff, like it had always been there.

The next day I opened a bank account, went shopping with Kim and bought some lounging clothes, flat sandals and some shirts for Paul. I liked to sleep in the ones he wore so they were in the wash twice as fast. I think he found it amusing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

**A/ N - I got a couple reviews about Bella being different with Paul and just giving up and wanted to leave a quick explanation. She never met Paul before. Like Seth the only thing she really has against him is that he's part of Sam's pack but he's special and she can't deny how he makes her feel. She is strong enough to face what life throws at her or at least to try. So she's trying. As for her life in New Orleans, no she wasn't attached to it. She as she has said to Paul and Sam, she didn't want to get attached to people. She's very careful about loving people now. While she cares about her friends there and misses her life, the thought of leaving Paul is already painful. She accepts the imprint however begrudgingly because she is falling for Paul (wouldn't you he is fuck hot and so sweet). The same goes for Emily and Kim, she might be stronger and stand up for herself but she's not a total bitch, she's not out to be mean to people who had nothing to do with hurting her. That being said her anger at those who hurt her hasn't just vanished. **

**I hope those readers stick with me and give it a chance to see where it is all leading. I do have a plan and yes it will suck for the wolves.**

**Ok on with the story….**

Every night Paul slept with me. We hadn't discussed it but after the first couple of nights, it had become a habit. I liked sleeping with him and usually couldn't sleep until he got in on the nights he had patrol.

My first week slipped quietly into the second and then third.

"Dinner at Sam's tonight." Paul came onto the back patio and handed me a beer.

"You go."

"People think I've kidnapped you and locked you in my attic."

"Our room is the attic and I had lunch with Charlie yesterday, went into PA today and went shopping with Kim two days ago."

"You're an imprint Bella, a member of the pack, they all want to spend time with you, and get to know you. All the imprints are close with each other. The pack is a family."

"I'm your imprint not the packs and I am close with Kim."

"Why wont you just try with them?"

"Why should I?"

"Please."

"Can't you just go without me?"

"I have to, there is a pack meeting in half an hour but it shouldn't take long, I'll pick up something at the diner for us to eat."

"Eat with your brothers."

"No."

"Why?"

He got up and walked into the house. When I asked him something he didn't care to talk about he just didn't answer or he ignored the question entirely and moved on to a different topic.

"Paul!" I followed him into the house.

"Do you want a veggie burger or one of those grilled chicken salad things?"

"I'll just eat here."

"I'll get you the salad thing. I should be back in an hour."

"Fine, I'll go, let me get dressed."

"You don't have to."

"Get dressed or go?"

"Both."

"Well, I am anyways so just wait."

"Fine." He leaned against the kitchen counter and took a swig of his beer. I went upstairs and changed out of his t-shirt. I was already wearing skinny jeans so I pulled on my oxblood suede four and a half inch stilettos and a red, lace edged tank before going back down stairs.

"Ready then?" He set his empty bottle in the sink.

"Sure." I handed my bottle to him and he finished it before setting it in the sink and motioning me out of the house.

I avoided people, well the pack, as much as I could.

We drove to the house in silence, but the normally easy and relaxed companionable silence was charged this time.

I greeted Kim and Jared who stopped by the house all the time and then Emily. The others I just nodded to and went to sit near Paul.

"The blond is back." Sam began.

"Double patrols?" Jake spoke up though the question was half an order. I'd never been to a pack meeting and the two of them seemed to lead it.

"The imprints should stay on the rez as much as possible. Bella, Angela this affects you most. Angela you'll need to try to cut back hours, lucky it's a sunny summer and she stays hidden during daylight hours but be careful anyways."

Jake looked around at the guys, "Any ideas on what she wants?"

"Bella?"

I turned to Quil and glared at him, "I'm not the authority on leeches just because a few tried to kill me."

"She's a yellow eye. I tried calling the Dr. Leech to see if she's one of his but no answer and she's crossed the treaty line." Sam cut back in.

"Bitch is fair game then." Jake nodded.

"Yellow-eyes?" Something was pulling at the back of my mind.

"So you do know her?" Embry seemed to sneer at me and I heard Paul growl at him.

"Go fuck yourself." I spat.

"That your staple curse?" He shot back.

"Paul, keys." I held my hand out and he sighed but put the keys in them.

I got up but was stopped by Sam, "When the meeting is over he can take you. It's getting dark and she's crossing our lines. Someone should be with you just to be safe."

"Isn't that why you have the guys running patrol or do you just get your kicks having Paul running around the woods until three am?"

"No one is running right now. Embry and Leah are going out as soon as we finish here. Patrols can be lightened when the threat is gone so if you want to share anything with us that might help please feel free."

I ignored him and walked out of the house. "Bella!" I heard him shout after me. "Collin, Brady go after her. Paul you need to get your imprint under control." I heard him growl as the twins came out onto the porch and I cursed him, no one controlled me, I wasn't a fucking pet.

"Hey Bell." Collin grinned and sat next to me.

"You enjoy pissing him off?" Brady asked leaning on the banister.

"Hey guys and no he's just such a prick its hard not to."

"He's really not." Collin informed me.

"Yeah, Sam's cool, it's just you he has problems with. Embry thinks its sexual tension." Brady added inciting a few growls from in the house where it seemed the others had halted conversation to listen to us.

"Tough shit if Emily isn't putting out, maybe if he were less of a controlling ass she'd be more receptive." Another growl sounded from inside.

"Emily and Sam are just fine, we stayed with them last week when Gran was over at the Makah rez visiting her sister in hospital, it sucks having wolf hearing sometimes." Collin felt the need to share.

"Yeah and Embry thinks you and Sam need to just fuck." Brady corrected me, inciting more noise from the eavesdropping wolves.

"I think I just threw up a little bit." I informed him.

"Maybe if you just gave in and screwed Paul you'd have an easier time accepting the imprint." Collin suggested.

"I'm just fine with the imprint it's the alpha I have an issue with." I snapped at him not bothering to tell him Paul and I had slept together. Just the once, not that I didn't want to repeat it but for some reason Paul was keeping a physical distance between us, though our conversations tended to have no boundaries and we shared a bedroom.

"Sorry." Collin held up his hands in a defensive position and I felt bad.

"Me to. Can we just not talk about this?"

"Sex?" Brady asked.

"The pack." I replied.

"We are pack." Collin informed me.

"You are pack, I'm Paul's imprint."

"That makes you pack." Collin explained.

"Which brings us back to the part I have a problem with."

"The pack?" Collin asked.

"And Sam." Brady informed him, "She has a problem with Sam."

"Which is why they should fuck?" Collin asked to innocently.

"Yup." Brady nodded. "Get rid of the sexual tension.

"I definitely threw up a little bit that time." I told them. "There is no sexual tension."

"So what kind of tension is it?"

"The normal kind."

"What's that?"

"I don't like him."

"Why?"

"He's controlling and manipulative and has to have his way. Very Cullen of him really." The growls inside were mixed with a few laughs.

"So you hate Sam for saving your life and then protecting you from two temperamental teenage werewolves?"

"Yes. No." I thought about it a minute but they quickly moved on.

"So if it's all Sam's fault why don't you talk to Jake or Quil or even Angela?"

"She doesn't like any of us." Collin informed his brother.

"I like you just fine."

Collin frowned, "So why do you hate being around us then? Besides Sam being an Alpha and all because you know, this is a pack, an Alpha is sort of standard practice."

"Yeah and as an imprint you are pack." Brady finished.

"I don't hate being around you."

"So let's go and eat. I'm starving." Collin grinned.

Brady rubbed his stomach, "Yeah, Emily made roast and Kim brought cupcakes."

I followed them back inside without thinking and cursed as I sat next to Paul, manipulative shits.

"Just to be clear I never said anything about sexual tension or you and Sam fucking." Embry spoke up.

"You just said someone should bend her over a log and screw her senseless and into submission." Quil spoke up.

"Maybe he meant himself." Seth suggested.

I heard Paul growling lowly beside me, and snapped at my new brother, "Really, do I have to have that mental picture before I eat?"

"I meant Paul." Embry insisted.

"I would hope so because Paul would so kill you for going after his girl." Jared laughed.

"Can we get back to business? Dinner will get cold." Emily spoke up.

"Sorry baby," Sam smiled at her, "Ok guys, double patrols, schedule is changed up. Paul you're on pre-dawn, Quil and Embry mornings, Seth noon through the afternoon, Twins twilight, Jacob and Leah late night."

"Why is Paul running alone at one of the most dangerous times?" I spoke up annoyed.

"I'm running with Paul." He leveled a dark look at me, "he's our best fighter, Leah is our fastest and Jake the strongest, there are reasons for why we run and when, each of us is good but we have our own strengths and we take turns running shit shifts, no one gets singled out. The only shift that's light is midday because it's been so damn sunny the leeches hide out all day, when it's cloudy one of us runs double time."

"Whatever." I admitted defeat.

"Paul can run with Embry and I'll stay on pre-dawn runs." Quil offered.

"Don't bother." I told him still looking at Sam.

"Do you have a problem with me or authority in general?" Sam glared at me.

"Both."

"Can't we just get over it?" Angela sighed.

"I'm over it." I informed her.

Sam snorted, "Obviously not so what is it going to take for you to move past the past?"

"With the Cullen's I'd say a body part or two and a nice shiny lighter. With you? A personality transplant."

"For him or you?" Embry mumbled.

"Either." I snapped at him, "Sam can drop the king of all master and commander shit or I can become a subservient little puppet for him to order around. Maybe you can ask the Cullen's for pointers on how to do that to me next time they come through. Then again, it might not work the same way twice so a lobotomy might be your only hope, just try not to leave Paul with a drooling mess, I mean I don't know how the imprint thing works but I would assume he needs me to be more than a vegetable."

"Not funny." Paul spat beside me.

"Wasn't supposed to be," I shot back.

"Sam is Alpha. He's good at it. He kept all of us from going crazy and taught us how to deal with this shit, how to focus and be better wolves so that we are safer out there, it's his job to lead us. I guess he maybe fucked up a bit with your situation but it was a rock and a fucking hard place. He's also my friend and could be yours to if you were a little less of a bitch."

"Shame he turned me into one then isn't it."

"Cullen did that. Cullen turned you into a porcelain doll and broke you. Cullen initiated the change in all of us including Jake and Quil. If you want someone to blame and hate start with him. We all blame them and none of the pack judge you for being the willing pet to the walking corpse."

"You do and you might want to blame them but remember they were long gone when Quil, Seth, Leah and the twins phased."

"The red head did that."

"Fine, it's all their fault and mine since she was here for me."

"Why are you defending them? One minute you want to light the fucker on fire and the next you're pissed I hate him for turning me and my brothers into monsters bound to La Push."

"I'm not defending them. You know I hate them and their fucking emotional manipulation game."

"So then stop blaming Sam and just blame them, even what he did is because of them, because they caused this in us."

"You're blood lines caused this in you Paul just like your fucking blood lines and ancestors bound you to me. The Cullen's had nothing to do with it." I pushed myself up off the couch again and walked for the door. Paul was instantly up as well and yanked me back around with a sharp pull on my arm, which over balanced me on my very high heals. He steadied me and I tugged my arm out of his grip.

He growled at me, "This has nothing to do with the imprint."

"As long as you hate what you are you hate me to." I spat at him, "but you never made a secret of the fact that you hated me did you? If it weren't for the imprint you'd have cheered me out of Washington. All of you would have."

He ran a hand threw his hair in agitation and it made flames of anger flare up, he got that from Sam. "I never hated you, just the fucking leech."

"Bullshit and don't fucking kid yourself about your fucking pack never judging me for the Cullen thing. You still do and you know the whole story, I can only imagine how they pity you for getting stuck with me."

"Pity me! Before Jacob imprinted he'd have killed me for imprinting on you. He and Quil both are on the head of the poor Bella, she deserves so much better than Paul committee, the one that has Sam ordering me to bring you out in public more so the pack can rescue you from me. Only the fact that you don't disappear the moment Jared shows up assures them I haven't drugged, gagged and bound you to the bed."

"Yeah well I like Jared and Kim."

"We like you to." Kim whispered breaking into our not so private discussion.

"You used to like Jacob and Quil and Angela and if you weren't so Anti-Sam you'd like Emily. Hell you'd like Sam!" Paul ignored her.

"I like Emily just fin and I'm not Anti-Sam"

"Really? Then why do you pick a fight with him every time you are in the same room and why wont you come here for dinner, or spend anytime with the pack?"

"I'm here now."

"I practically begged you to come."

"If that's you begging you need to work on it."

"Why can't you fucking try with the pack?"

He was bringing all my walls crumbling down. "Why bother? So I can loose another fucking family? No thanks. Dealing with whatever supernatural shit ties me to you is hard enough and once you decide to break the imprint I will have more than enough to deal with trying to hold the fragments of my soul together without adding sisters and brothers into the mix. That is how Cullen broke me, you can do it just fine on your own."

The fire faded from his eyes and I could see pain in their depths, though his expression and posture never changed. "I can't just decide to break the imprint Bella. There is no breaking it. You are my soul mate. Even in death we'll be tied to each other."

"If you could though you would, you don't want me."

The room was deathly silent.

"No," he finally answered seriously. "At first yes, I would have wanted it broken because I didn't know you. I didn't want anyone. I was sure it was a mistake but not now. Now if it were possible to break I'd find a way to never let that happen. I'd find a way to make it impossible again."

"I don't want to love you." I whispered, trying not to cry.

"But you can't help it anymore than I can and you don't really want to fight it." His voice was low and soft, soothing while making my eyes burn with more tears.

"I don't want to love them."

"You don't want them, don't want Sam, to have the power to hurt you again but that will never happen. I will never allow it to happen. I'd fight him if it came to that. The pack, the tribe, everything is less than you. You're the reason Bella and you're worth every beating, every moment of my fucked up life, you are worth all of it and more."

He pulled me gently into his arms, "I'm sorry you had to hurt but I will never let you hurt like that again." I cried softly into his t-shirt.

Sam broke the silence a minute later, "Jacob you're running pre-dawn with me, Quil you're with Leah at twilight. I'll run a double with Embry. Paul, take your girl home."

I ignored him and the others as Paul shifted and lifted me into his arms.

"Wait." Emily called and a moment later, I heard rustling as she handed Paul a bag. "You both need to eat."

I snuggled into Paul and let his heartbeat lull me to sleep. To many emotions had worn me out.

I woke up a few hours later in bed with Paul, "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me anything you were feeling?"

"You never asked."

"Bella."

"What should I have said? Facts are what they are. You never wanted me and hated getting stuck with me."

"Is that the impression you got the last few weeks?"

"We slept together and the imprint got worse."

"It's not a sickness Bella, it doesn't get better or worse it just is. All that happened was we accepted the imprint, embraced it even."

"How can you be sure it wont go away?"

"Because you own half of my soul just like I own half of yours. When one of us dies, half of each of our souls die and half will live on with the one of us still living. Soul mates are perfect matches, true mates. It isn't something that can ever just go away."

"How do you know? It just magically happened maybe it will magically stop."

"The magic wasn't the match Bella. You were always my soul mate; from the moment you were born, you were meant for me, just like I was meant for you. It's not about me being a wolf or some supernatural voodoo shit to make babies or whatever. The only magic was the gift of being able to recognize you without a shadow of a doubt. The wolf knows his mate even if the man is blind to it. I would never have been whole, never have been as happy as I can be with you. I will be a better man and a better wolf with you because I am complete with you."

"I'm still scared." I whispered the words to him as if afraid to speak them aloud.

"Me to baby." He sighed, "I don't deserve you and while the wolf won't allow me to be with anyone else now that he has found his mate, you can still choose to leave me. Your soul will not be complete and it will feel the loss but you can still make that choice, to be with someone else." His arm tightened around me. "I think that would actually kill me but if it was what you wanted, I would let you go."

"You underestimate you Paul. You deserve more than I have left to give."

"So we are both a little damaged, maybe it's part of why we are so perfect together. We see the worth of each other more than ourselves."

"I'll try with the pack but I cant guarantee anything with Sam. There may be some resentment there still."

"I'd like nothing more than to keep you to myself but the pack is our family, it is important that you try and I know you'll work it out. The rest of us have and it was not always easy."

I yawned, "Paul?"

"Yeah?" I didn't say anything but after a moment he murmured, "me too" and kissed the top of my head. I fell asleep against his heartbeat, knowing it beat out the words neither of us was entirely ready to speak; I love you.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

I had promised Paul I'd try with the pack but the truth was, I wasn't ready to make nice. Just the thought of them made me angry. I would have to start small. I invited Jared and Kim over for dinner. I liked them.

"Jared and Kim don't count as trying with the pack." Paul told me coming into the kitchen as though he'd read my mind.

"Why not, Jared's a wolf."

"Jared's been my best friend forever, you don't think of him as pack. Kim and he are the only ones you've been sociably to since moving here.

"Emily helped with the yard." I countered.

"So invite Emily and Sam over."

I glared at him, "Why does he need to come here, don't you take enough of his shit out there every damn day."

"Sam is Alpha Bella, he isn't a dictator he's our general and yes in those cases he leads and gives us orders but the rest of the time he is just our friend."

"Your friend, not mine."

"You said you would try."

"I also said Sam was a different matter."

"Fine, invite Jake and Holly or Quil and Angela or all of them."

"Why?"

"To get to know the pack."

"I already know them."

He growled and ran his hand through his hair, I really fucking hated it when he did that, he got it from Sam, the same way they had all picked up Jake's way of saying sure, sure. It made me want to scream.

"Give the pack a chance Bella, please."

"Did Sam really Alpha order you to bring me out in public more?"

"No, but with Jake and Quil on him he's close to it."

"Does Seth count?"

He smiled a little, "Any of them but Jared and Kim."

I sighed, "Fine, I'll invite Seth and Jenna over too."

"Thank you."

"Are you going out?"

"I'm finishing a carving for the Council House, do you want to come?"

I shook my head, "Not if its because Sam and Jake want it."

He sighed, "They're both working. I'd like you to come. Sue will be there, we can see if she and Charlie want to get lunch."

"Ok." I shrugged. "I have to be back by four to get dinner going though. Jared and Kim are coming over at seven."

I packed a book in my bag and went with Paul but never ended up reading. Watching Paul carving the log was captivating. He was beautiful, his concentration absolute. We had lunch with Sue and Charlie at the diner and then went grocery shopping.

Dinner went well. I was always comfortable with Jared and Kim and Seth really was a sweet guy. I'd forgot how well I'd gotten along with Jenna at the beach that first day to. It would be easy enough to spend more time with them. It was just so foreign to me to actually attempt to make friends. Lisa Anne and I were both loners and bitches, we melded well together and August and Etienne had just sort of evolved into more than just a boss and his boyfriend without me meaning them to. I'd spent so long trying not to get attached to people it was strange now to be trying to make connections. It made me realize how damaged I still was. Maybe I wasn't as over the past as I had wanted to be.

I learned the woman who had disapproved of my working at the bar and café in New Orleans was Jenna's mother. She still disapproved of me so my first visit to Jenna was also my last. I had her come over instead.

Finally, Sunday came around again.

"Dinner at Sam's tonight." Paul told me coming onto the porch.

"You go."

"Bella."

"I had lunch with Seth today, in public and everything. What the hell more does his dictatorship General Wolf want?"

I could see Paul fighting a smile, "I'll bring something home to eat after the pack meeting."

"Eat with your brothers, I made plans with Charlie anyways."

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head, "Fine, I'll see you later."

The next week the twins came back to mow my lawn for me since it was becoming a mess again, I had them stay for lunch and we ended up playing on Paul's x-box. They were hilarious and I was proud of my new pack bond. Four members in two weeks, that had to appease the dictator. I mentally reminded myself it annoyed Paul when I called Sam that so when I mentioned it to him later I made sure to just call him General. Paul didn't mind that as much. It was at least better than many of the other names I called his boss.

I steadfastly refused to talk to Jake, Quil or Angela and there was no way in hell I was making nice with General Wolf but the rest of the pack I deemed it ok to socialize with on the rare occasions I felt the need to leave my sanctuary in the woods. Mostly I was still a loner. I had always been a bit of an introvert. I liked to read, I liked the quiet and I loved spending time with Paul. I could talk to him about anything, debate random silly things or just be still and quiet next to him, I always felt a pervading calm when he was near. That and an excessive amount of lust and frustration, as close as we were, we were still just good friends. Leave it to me to have somehow fucked up the imprint thing and be the only one whose wolf didn't actually desire her. Besides the lust, which I refused to acknowledge life with Paul was peaceful and easy.

I had been living with Paul for over six weeks when the first real vampire threat affected my life. The blonde was back and I guess this time she wasn't alone and her eyes were not so innocent anymore.

Sam called to order me to his house. I was in the tub and the incessantly ringing phone pulled me out of my happily relaxed state. "Yeah?" I answered, dripping on the bedroom floor.

"Get to mine and Emily's."

"Fuck off." I hung up on him and went to move back to my bath.

The phone rang again, I growled and grabbed the receiver, "What?"

"Go to Sam and Em's there's a Leech on the rez."

"I don't take orders Paul."

"Please."

I sighed, "Fine. Pick me up after and stay safe."

"Sure, sure." That fucking saying! I dropped the phone back in its cradle and sighed. So much for my bath, I quickly dried and pulled on clothes before grabbing the keys to Paul's truck.

All the other imprints were already at the house when I arrived. I wonder if this counted as this weeks quota of pack bonding? I went into the house where Emily was doing her mama wolf thing, cooking for when the boys got back and feeding us. It was a wonder the imprints weren't fat.

"I'm almost surprised to see you here." Angela came over to me.

I shrugged, "Paul called and asked me to wait here."

"Before or after you hung up on Sam?" Kim asked coming over.

"You were with him?"

She laughed, "Just an educated guess."

"So what do you do now?"

"We wait."

"I say we drink." Holly suggested.

Hmm, maybe Jake's imprint wasn't so bad. "I'm all for it." I concurred. Who knew how long we'd be here, might as well get drunk. Hey drunken imprint bonding; that had to count for the trying with the whole be more sociable with the pack effort.

I was surprised when Emily opened the freezer and pulled out a bottle of vodka. "I think we can all use it. Jen, you're staying the night with Seth right?"

"Yeah, mum's out of town anyways."

Drinks were passed around, the imprints were all great girls and I found myself actually enjoying the time.

We began to talk about past relationships, pre-imprint lives, gossip about the guys and dreams for the future. I learned more in that hour than I had in the weeks I'd been living with Paul. Of course that wasn't really surprising since Paul and I didn't really talk about the pack and I only left my haven when I had to. Mostly I just stayed at Paul's, writing and cooking or hanging out with Paul.

Everyone was chatting until Angela turned to me, "I tried you know."

"Angela?"

"To talk to you. You avoid me, Quil and Jake and I get it I do. The way things happened was horrible but I tried to talk to you at school, to be your friend. You're the one who gave up on me."

I just looked at her for a a full minute, I could feel tears stinging my eyes, "I know Ang. I'm sorry. I just knew what you were going to say, how things would be. By that point I was just so broken but you're right, its not your fault and I know you did try. I'm sorry."

She sent me a small smile; "Maybe we can try to be friends again then? I missed you."

I smiled back at her and nodded, "If you can forgive me. I'd like that."

She nodded and then seemed to hesitate, "Do you think you'll ever forgive Quil and Jake? Quil really misses you and I know Jake does to."

"I don't know Angela. Honestly I am just so angry because it still hurts."

Holly spoke up, shocking us all. "Jake's still in love with Bella." she silenced the room. "The only question I have is if she loves him back."

I looked at her and took in a deep breath deciding to be honest, "I wanted to want Jake but I didn't love him like that and I couldn't make myself feel what I didn't. He wasn't my choice. Sam would have chosen someone else, he had already chosen Leah, he loved her and Jake chose me, loved me. So what does that mean? What does the imprint really mean?"

"What do you want?" Kim asked quietly.

"To be free. I want to take Paul and go back to New Orleans but I can't have both. I can have the life I worked so hard for or a life with Paul. I love him, I tried not to because I hate what he is, I hate the imprint and everything supernatural but I love who he is. I will live everyday wondering if he really loves me or if its just the imprint because I don't know if he would have chosen me without it and it kills me because I don't think he would have. I can't understand how that doesn't bother you. They don't have a choice, their love, its not real or if its real its not natural, its because they're supernatural. They wouldn't have chosen us without it."

"Jared sat beside me for two years." Kim's voice wavered with tears, "He never even spoke to me."

"This is crazy. Jared loves you Kim, how can you doubt that?" Angela spoke up, her voice shaky.

"It's easy for you. Quil was crazy for you before he phased. Sam had proposed to Leah, he wanted to spend his life with her." Emily countered.

"Jake is so concerned with Paul having imprinted on Bella, its all he can do not to phase just thinking about it. He's adamant that Paul doesn't deserve her, no one could possibly deserve her because he still wants her for himself." Holly added.

"Seth doesn't even offer an opinion on things, its just, whatever you want Jenna. I don't even think he really sees me or particularly likes me. I'm just his imprint, the girl he has to love."

"That's what I hate, it's why I hate the pack and all the fake happy family bullshit that comes with it. They all only care about us because one of them imprinted."

"That's not true." Angela insisted quietly. No one answered her. We were all lost in our own thoughts.

After a while, Emily refilled all the drinks.

"We were fighting about Leah." She said sitting back down. We all turned to her. "When he phased to close to me, we were fighting about Leah."

"Jake almost phased next to me in the kitchen after Paul imprinted on Bella and he still keeps the bike's they built together on the side wall in the garage. He won't use them or sell them, no one is even allowed to touch them.

"Sometimes I think Jared resents me for the imprint. He'll go outside and drink with Paul. Oh he'll do anything to make sure I'm happy and have everything I need but just before he goes I see this look in his eyes."

"Like's he's trapped in a cage." Jenna finished for her. "Seth gets it to sometimes. It's always easy to tell when he's thought something bad about the imprint because he becomes extra attentive, like the guilt of it is eating at him but even the guilt makes him resent it more and I know he's not really with me because he wants to be."

"Sam still watches Leah. When the whole pack is here, I see him look at her with this expression, like longing mixed with regret." Emily sighed and took a large sip of her drink.

"Why do you live with it?" I found myself asking.

"Why are you?" Kim returned.

"I fell in love with him." I answered a little bitterly.

"Why?"

"I feel safe with him. I never noticed it before, not until it was gone, but I was always anxious. I'm not around him. Also, because he makes me feel nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I always felt like I needed to be better. I needed to hold everything together. With Paul I don't care if he doesn't like my clothes or my hair, I don't care if he hates something that I love. He never makes me feel unworthy because I'm different or not beautiful."

"Is it enough?" Jenna seemed to be asking herself the question.

"I don't know." I answered her anyways.

"I bet the sex makes it hard to not feel beautiful and loved though." Angela spoke up again.

I shrugged, "Paul and I aren't having sex."

They all looked at me like I had grown another head. Hell I wanted to but it was just not an element of our relationship. He didn't want me like that. What surprised me is that unlike with Edward he didn't make me feel unworthy, unloved, or not pretty enough, it just wasn't an issue. My hormones might be but I could deal with those.

Kim found her voice first, "You and Paul aren't… With Paul?"

I shook my head again.

"But Paul is so…" Holly's voice trailed off.

"Have a thing for my wolf Hol?" I joked.

"No." She laughed. I didn't mean that. He's to scary for me, I'd swear he never smiled."

"It's just that it's Paul." Emily spoke as though that would clarify things for me.

"So?"

"Paul's so, well, he's so, instinctual." Jenna tried.

"Instinctual?" I frowned at her.

"You know, driven by the basic needs of animal instincts, fighting, fucking and eating." She blushed.

Just how different was Paul with me? If he was the most horny of the wolves what did it mean that sex wasn't part of our bond? Why didn't he want me?

"Maybe that just proves the point." I fought the urge to cry.

"Point?" Angela asked.

"Paul doesn't want me, he's just forced to be with me because of the imprint. That's not love, it's not real, it's a supernatural curse."

We drank more. All conversation stalled. Twenty minutes later, the boys came in looking dirty and tired.

"There's food in the oven." Emily barely glanced at them before looking back to us. "I'm going to lie down now that every one is home safe. Goodnight girls."

We all nodded and murmured goodnight.

"I'm ready to go to." Jenna stood up.

"Want a ride?" Holly rose as well.

"I don't think we should be driving." Angela advised.

"Want to walk with me Kim?" I got up and she nodded.

"Jared, bring the truck after you eat." She told him.

"I'll walk with you." Holly pulled on her shoes.

"Mind the detour to mine as well?" Jenna asked looking over at us.

"You can sleep at mine. Jake's supposed to be on patrol in an hour so he won't be home tonight."

"Great." She nodded and we left, the guys just watching us, speechless in surprise.

I said goodbye to the girls at the turnoff and walked the rest of the way to Paul's house. Inside I went up to the attic and locked the door before climbing into bed. A little while later I heard the door rattle and then the retreating steps as Paul went back downstairs. It was the first night since I had moved here that I hadn't slept wrapped in his arms.

I didn't sleep much that night, just reviewed the surprising conversation over and over again in my mind.

In the morning, I woke up to find Kim and Jared already over.

"Morning Kim." I sent her a weak smile.

"I made coffee." Paul told me as he came into the kitchen.

I wasn't ready to face him yet so I focused on Kim. "Great, have a mug Kim?"

"Love one, shall we sit outside?"

I nodded and poured us both a fresh mug.

"I have patrol." Paul reminded me.

"Be careful." I nodded to him and continued on out back with Kim. We sat silently sipping and the boys came out a few minutes after to phase. It was another ten minutes before either of us broke the silence.

"I think I might need some time." Kim spoke in a whisper.

I nodded, "I think I might need to think a bit to."

We finished our coffee in silence, our peace broken by the sound of an engine. It was Emily and Holly.

Tears streamed down Emily's cheeks as she climbed out, "I'm leaving Sam" was all she said.

"You to?" I asked Holly as Kim hugged Emily.

She nodded, "I packed while he ran patrol last night. Em and I are going to rent a room in Forks until we figure a few things out."

"Charlie hasn't sold the house yet. It's small for four but we can make it work."

I tossed a few things into a gym bag and then we went to Kim's. Emily had us stop by the grocery and liquor store on our way to my old house. The furniture was still all there but we had to go back out for sheets and things. By mid-afternoon we were settled in and all had several missed calls from the boys.

"So what do we do?" I asked Emily. She had been an imprint the longest, "How do we do this without making them suffer from the voodoo imprint shit?"

"They have to be whatever we want them to be." Kim was the one to speak.

"As long as they are near us, spend time with us, then it should be fine." Emily added.

"We'll have to help each other stay strong." Holly told us.

"It wont take them long to sniff us out. Sam knows I don't like to leave much, people on the reservation are bad enough but off the reservation they really stare."

"The pull of the imprint will lead us all to want to be nearer to them and whenever I am near Jared I want him."

"Like Holly said, we just have to be strong for each other." I told her.

Emily was right; it didn't take long for the boys to show up.

"Who's up first?" Holly asked as she came out of the bathroom.

"Emily." I told her.

Emily shook her hair back, lifting her chin and opened the front door. "Hello Sam."

"Em?" He moved to kiss her but she stepped back. "What's going on baby?"

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Em?"

She sniffed and swallowed, "I need some time, I think you should focus the boys and this blonde vamp for a while."

He looked from her to me on the stairs, his expression immediately hardened, "What have you done."

I shrugged, "Nothing, I just moved home. Emily came to me for a place to stay."

"Moved home?" He asked, "Does Paul know?"

"I imagine he will when he gets home and sees that I'm not staying with him anymore."

"And why aren't you staying with him?"

"Freeloading off my friends isn't really my style."

"Your friends?"

"Yes, my friends, I figure that's about as close a description as I can come to, though really I suppose I can just say I don't want to freeload off my wolf, perhaps that's more fitting." I mused, "What do you think Holly?"

"Oh I think your wolf is the better way to put it. I mean, you aren't really friends if you think about it, just supernaturally bound." She replied, "I do know how you feel though, I've been freeloading off my wolf for a while now. It's past time to stand on my own two feet again. I mean I moved here almost a year ago."

"Emily." He turned back to her, "What's going on baby? Please talk to me, tell me what you need? I can make it better if you just tell me what it is you want."

"I want you to go home Sam." Her voice was still quiet but it was steady.

"Holly what abut Jake?"

"Oh, Bella's agreed to put me up for a while to."

"All four of us thought we'd take a little step back to think about some things." Kim stepped down to me.

"What things? Emily?" He turned back to his wife.

"Go home Sam."

"You're my wife."

"Just not the right wife." She responded. Kim took her hand, "Please go home. I want you to go home now and leave me alone for a little while."

Sam's body was trembling as she closed the door. Jake, Paul and Jared were in the yard minutes later; the large black form of Sam's wolf was visible in the tree line.

"Bella!" Paul shouted banging on the door.

"Kim!"

"Holly!"

Jared and Jake shouted overtop of each other.

I steeled myself and pulled open the door, "Please try not to break the door Paul, it's not strong enough to stand against you."

"What the hell is going on!"

"Oh, well I've moved home. Charlie and I worked out a great deal on the place and the girls are helping me with some update projects, you know, painting, new cupboards things like that."

"Why?" He demanded, his hands trembling.

"Well isn't this what you all wanted? Me to move home permanently? As far as I understand, that's how the imprint works right? I need to stay here so you can be near me."

"Why did you move out?" He growled.

"Well I'm taking your advice Paul, or following your example really. I might have a lot of bad memories in this house and this town but I'm stuck here so I'll make the most of it. Update the house, make my own fresh start and make it into home. Can't live off you forever can I?"

"Why not?"

I smiled at him, "I'm sure you'll still find a way to make sure I eat enough or whatever else makes your wolf all secure in my well being without being forced to cohabitate."

"Bella?" His eyes were dong that weird liquid shit that made me want to be closer to him.

"You should be happy Paul. You've got everything you wanted." He looked at me confused, "I'm off your rez but still around to satisfy the need of the wolf voodoo shit. I've bonded with the other imprints; I even invited Emily and Holly over just like you suggested and I did talk to Angela last night, we're trying to rebuild our friendship. Now, I'm safe so you can go home and I'll put in my required pack time tomorrow to satisfy the imprint." The trembling in his hands had intensified and his whole body was shaking lightly, "You really should calm down Paul. You're standing a little close to me and the girls to phase just now." He looked almost like I'd hit him. "Just go home and we'll be around tomorrow sometime. I need to pick up the rest of my things."

"Me too." Holly called, "I just brought a few things."

"Hol?" Jake called stepping forward.

She smiled at him, "Aren't you happy Jake? I'm bonding with Bella just like you wanted. I'll see you at work tomorrow. I figure the time together at the garage should satisfy the imprint well enough."

"Holly?"

"Nothing to say Jared?" Kim spoke up.

"Kim?"

"I suppose I didn't really expect you to." She mused.

"Kim, baby, please tell me what's going on?"

"I'm out growing my high school crush."

Jared began to shake even more than Paul. "Oh don't worry, I still love you. I'm just not sure exactly what I want anymore or if that's enough for me."

"Kim?"

"You should go home now. We can work out how all of us can satisfy the imprint together tomorrow. Maybe the Sunday pack dinners will help and you can patrol around the house once in a while." She shrugged, "We'll figure it out tomorrow, say ten?"

"Ok, well, goodnight then." With that Holly followed Emily's example with Sam and shut the door in their faces.

That night we ordered a pizza and drank a lot. I already hated sleeping without Paul. I wondered how much harder it was for them, they'd slept with their wolves so much longer than I had slept with mine. Somehow, we all ended up passed out in the master bedroom, curled together for body heat.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

**Sorry about the wait. I'm on a road trip. I'll post when I pick up a signal but it won't be regular until I get home Labour Day weekend. Hope you enjoy. **

The next day we all woke up with horrendous hang over's to someone banging on the front door. Whoever the wolf belonged to, we might be forced to hurt him. It wasn't a wolf. It was Jenna.

"You four look like shit." She said coming into the house. "Seth came over last night. I guess he was all freaked out I was going to stop dating him because of you four moving off the reservation."

"What did you tell him?" Emily asked going to the kitchen to make coffee.

We trailed after her and I handed out aspirin while Kim poured tall glasses of water for each of us.

"I told him I thought we should take a break." She said with a sigh. "He started to freak out and shake in the living room. Then when he realized I was actually scared he might phase there, he freaked out more and had to leave. I think he's still to upset to talk because he hasn't come back."

"Where are they?" Emily asked sitting down.

"Angela came by this morning. I guess Quil freaked out and went running to her to but she assured him they were good. She said they are all at your house and it's a real shit show over there. She begged me to tell Seth I didn't mean it. I have a feeling she might head here as well."

"Thanks for the heads up." Holly mumbled pouring cereal into a bowl.

"Eggs" I told her, "We need greasy food. Trust me. Let's go to the diner.

"You're the one who worked in a bar. I'm all for taking your advice on this one." Kim sad, her head buried in her arms.

"Let's get dressed." We took turns showering and then went to the diner for breakfast. Leah was working.

"Well didn't you just butt fuck the bunker with this stunt." Leah said as she ambled over.

"Sorry?"

She rolled her eyes, "All the guys have gone loco because you've got all the imprints leaving their mates."

"Wolves." I corrected her.

"What?"

"All the imprints have left their wolves."

"Is there a difference?" She looked confused from one of us to the other. "Previously Disney movie happy mates are rejecting the imprint."

"We aren't rejecting the imprint." Jenna supplied. "I'll still be here for your brother."

"Right, you just broke up with him."

"Exactly." She nodded.

Leah looked confused, "Em?"

"Yes Leah?"

"Why are you doing this to Sam?"

"Isn't this what you wanted Leah?" She replied with an honest look of confusion on her face.

"Why would I want you to hurt him?"

Emily half smiled though it was a sad look rather than amused. "Like Jenna said. I'm not rejecting the imprint."

"No, just walking out on your husband."

"That was my mistake."

"I thought you were happy."

"You thought wrong."

"Can we get some breakfast?" Holly interrupted the cousins. Emily looked ready to cry. Kim and I each took one of her hands.

Leah ignored her and turned to me, "Why are you doing this? Sam and Jake hurt you, I get it, I do. I've been through the heartbreak but do they really deserve this?"

"I'm not doing anything Leah. I've moved back to Forks for Paul because of this supernatural bond, that's it."

"Yeah except then you left him and what did Jared or Seth ever do to you or do you just want to hurt us all?"

"I am not out to hurt anyone Leah. Like I said, I'm only here because Paul apparently needs me around."

"Leah, none of us are rejecting the imprint. We are just re-evaluating our lives. It has nothing to do with Bella except that she's kindly agreed to let us stay with her for a while." Kim told her firmly.

"What's a pack sister for?" I faked a smile at her.

"Exactly." Kim nodded before turning back to Leah, "Now could we all please get the hungry breakfast with orange juice and coffee, lots of coffee. Please."

Leah spun around and walked away from us. She threw her order pad at another waitress and stormed out the back.

Jenna sighed and got up to order our breakfast at the counter.

"You aren't doing this because of me are you?" I turned to them.

Holly shrugged, "For me, a little since it's you Jake is in love with but maybe, like for Jenna that wouldn't matter. I don't know."

"We never talked about these things before." Kim added, "That doesn't mean we didn't think about or worry about them."

"We just weren't brave enough to question it." Emily sighed.

We ate our breakfast once again lost in our own thoughts.

"Come on, let's go check out the damage and reassure the boys we aren't rejecting the imprints." Emily herded us out.

"Do you think it's hurting them? What we're doing?" Jenna asked as we left.

"Yes." Emily answered honestly. "We just have to make them understand that the bond of the imprint is fine. It's only the rest of it we're rejecting."

"Right." Jenna nodded, still looking a little unsure.

"Jen?" Holly linked arms with the younger girl.

"I don't want to hurt Seth."

"None of us want to hurt them Jen."

"I know you love him. We all love them and if that's enough for you, then great, I hope you are happy. Angela seems to be." I told her, "It's not enough for me."

"No, me either." Kim nodded.

"I can't live like this. It was all fine before Bella came but now when Jake's not around I cry. I'm always wondering if he still really wishes he'd imprinted on her."

"I wouldn't let myself acknowledge that I was unhappy. Sam was hurting so much for having hurt me. I just accepted that he needed me. It's not enough though. I want to be married to someone who wants to be married to me, not a man who still loves my cousin."

Jenna nodded, "I know and when I'm not with him, I hate the feeling that he's only with me because he has to be but when we're together, I can't help but forget all that and just get lost in the feel of being near him."

"Yeah, we all have that problem." Holly agreed.

"But we'll all be there to support each other, just like when they came by Bella's last night." Emily stated confidently.

We all agreed with her and decided it was time to head to the reservation and face the pack.

We drove straight to Emily's house. It was a mess. The door was off the hinges, windows were broken, the shrubbery looked bulldozed in places, it was like a tornado had been through.

"What the hell." Emily climbed out of her car and looked around the yard.

"Fuck." Holly swore walking around the debris.

"Do you think it was a leech?" Jenna's scared voice affected us all.

I spun around and began running for Paul's place cursing the wedges I wore. Kim was behind me, running for Jared's and we heard Emily screaming for Sam. All I could think was that I had to get to Paul and that I would know. If something happened to him, I would be able to tell. The imprint would somehow communicate it. It had to. Paul couldn't be hurt. I just couldn't lose him. Life couldn't be that cruel. After everything, I still believed there was some good, that sometimes there was a happy ending. Maybe not a fairy tale one where everything works out perfectly and no one ever really suffers but a good one, one where Paul and I built a relationship, one where he was with me. Hell, I'd make Sam my best fucking friend if only Paul was ok. He had to be ok. I'd know if he wasn't.

The house didn't look much better than Sam's had, at least not on the inside. Paul had phased inside.

Please god, please, not Paul.

The mantra repeated through my mind as I ran out the back door, screaming for Paul.

I came face to face with three wolves and my heart nearly exploded in relief. I ran straight into Paul's arms, jumping to wrap my legs around his narrow waist, I buried my face in his neck and wept.

I heard a crash and peaked up to see Jared knock over the chair he was sitting in and run in the direction of his home. He must have heard Kim calling for him.

"Emily," Sam demanded, "Where's Em?"

"Home looking for you." I told him burying my head into Paul's neck again and breathing in his scent.

Paul dropped to the ground still holding me tightly to him, "What happened baby?" He asked between murmuring comforting words and rubbing my back.

"Happened? I have no idea." I finally pulled away from him. "God Paul, are you ok? Are the other guys? Who was it? The blonde? Did you catch her?"

He looked confused, "Who was who Bella? The blonde hasn't been back since the other night."

I felt tears rising again as I sniffled at him, "We went to the house, Emily's house and its wrecked and Jenna thought maybe a leech might have done it. I was afraid something happened to you." I sobbed and clung to him again, burying my head in his shoulder.

"It's fine baby. No leeches on the rez. I swear."

"You phased in the house."

"I found out you'd left me. I freaked out a little. You should see Jared's place."

"Is that what happened at Sam's?" he didn't answer so I pulled away to look at him. "Paul?"

"There was a bit of a fight after we left you girls last night but its fine, we're all fine, I promise."

"A fight? With who? You said there were no leeches here!"

"With each other, its fine, it happens. We were all just a little freaked out."

I pulled away from him and tried to stand but pain shot through my ankle and I collapsed. Paul caught me and pulled me into his arms, lifting me and carrying me inside. He set me on the kitchen counter and lifted my ankle, it was badly swollen, the adrenaline while I'd been running had kept me from noticing I'd hurt it.

"Fuck Bella, what did you do to yourself."

I shrugged, "I ran here from Sam's."

"In those shoes?" He demanded.

"I was worried about you!"

"If there had been a vampire what would you have done anyways? You should have taken care of yourself!"

"I'm fine, it's a sprain or something."

"We're going to the hospital." He lifted me again and carried me outside. "We can pick up your things on the way back."

"Pick up my things?"

"From Forks."

"No."

"Bella."

"Don't even try to pull that arrogant Sam clone, you will follow my orders, crap."

He set me gently on the truck seat and stepped back taking deep breaths, "Please tell me what all this shit is about Bella. Until two nights ago, everything was fine. Then you go spend a few hours with the imprints and all of you ignore us, you lock me out of our room and then move out with four of them. What the hell happened?"

"We bonded." I smirked a little, "Isn't that what you wanted."

He growled and slammed his fist into the side of the truck, "I wanted you to be a part of the fucking pack Bella."

"You wanted me to toe the line and play good little imprint like the other girls." I spat back at him. "What was it Sam said? To get me under control? Sorry but that's not me and they are tired of doing it to."

"So you convinced them to reject the imprint?"

"No, none of us are rejecting the imprint and it was Holly who brought it up not me so you can take all that blame and shove it up the pack's ass."

"If you aren't rejecting the imprint why have all of you left?" He yelled back at me, shaking lightly.

"I moved out of your house Paul. If I were rejecting the imprint I'd have moved back to New Orleans!"

"So what the fuck is this then!"

"What fucking difference does it make if I live with you or not? I'm still here, you can play protector wolf and take care of your imprint without giving up your space."

"When did I ever, _ever_ indicate that I didn't want you here or that I felt like I was giving up something I wanted by moving you in here?"

"You want me here so the wolf sees I'm safe and eating. Like Kim said, you can run a quick check around my house when you feel the need and if it makes you feel better to watch me eat a couple of meals we can meet at the diner or you can come over for dinner. As for you giving up something you wanted well that's a different matter entirely, unless you meant besides your freedom of choice and a woman you could love."

He growled in frustration, shaking, "What the fuck is it you want from me?"

"Nothing Paul. I don't want anything from you. I'm your imprint. Fine, I'll stay in Forks and be your imprint but I do not want anything from you!"

He backed away as the shaking got worse, clenching his fists to try to stop from phasing. "Tell me what happened at Sam's. What is it that Holly brought up? Why were we fine when I left in the morning and then not fine after? What did she or I say or do to make you change your mind about being with me?"

"I told you Paul, I'm not rejecting the imprint."

"This isn't you Bella, it isn't us." The shaking seemed to lessen and his voice was more sad than angry, "We were happy. We were building something real. Please just tell me what happened."

"Real? Is any of this real Paul? You want to know what happened? You imprinted on me. That's what fucking happened, it's the same fucking thing that happened to Kim, Emily Holly and even Jenna, the thing that makes you need us, not love us Paul, need us. I accept the imprint and so do the girls, they are just fucking tired of pretending that any of their relationships are real and I really don't want to fucking start only to cry when you leave or lie to myself about how fucking unhappy I am like they do."

All the anger seemed to have left him as he sank into the grass, it was odd looking down at him for once. He looked so young and unsure.

"Do you want to go back to New Orleans?"

"I wont leave you like that Paul. I understand how the imprint works. I know you need me to be here."

His eyes lifted to meet mine, "That's not what I asked."

"Funny, I must have learned that from you."

"Bella."

"Paul."

"What do you want?"

"To know what you want, not what the imprint says to want, not what Sam or Jake or anyone else says, what do you want?"

"I told you, from the first morning you were here with me. I want you to stay. I want you to live here with me and I want you to be a part of the pack, a part of my family, I know we're fucked up, we all have our issues but it's my family." He sighed, "I'm trying Bella. I am and I know I'm not good at this shit, I've been on my own to long but I am fucking trying."

"Trying to what?"

"Make you happy, make you want to stay" he looked up at me, his eyes pools of swirling liquid chocolate and filled with pain, "to make you love me."

"Paul" My voice broke on his name.

"I can do better, be better, please Bella."

I dropped from the truck seat onto my good foot and dropped to my knees to move over to him. "I don't want to love somebody who doesn't love me. I can't do that, I can't be with someone who pretends to love me when he doesn't, I can't live a lie, not again Paul."

His eyes met mine again, "When have I ever lied to you or pretended to feel or be something I'm not?"

I tried to think about an instance when he had only been giving into the imprint but couldn't really. "You don't love me Paul," I rolled my eyes swallowing back tears, "you don't even really like me." One tear escaped, burning down my cheek, "You're just stuck with me because of the imprint." I swiped at the tears, "Its ok, we can make it work, we can be friends. It doesn't matter that you don't want me."

"Don't? What?" He growled, "I knew I should have listened to Sam."

I glared at him, "When don't you?"

"When I listen to Jared instead," He said grabbing me and pulling me into his arms, for a kiss that curled my toes and stole my ability to breathe let alone think clearly.

"What are you doing?" I panted at him when he finally released my mouth to breathe.

"Following Sam's advice." He said kissing down my neck.

"What's that?" I panted.

"Be myself."

"Huh?" Coherent thought was leaving me as he tugged my shirt over my head.

"Sam said you're my imprint so I should let my instincts guide me. Since my instincts lead to fighting and fucking, I figured I'd follow Jared's advice to be less of an asshole. To give you time to adjust to everything and be more comfortable with the pack and me. I figured he was right, after all, the thing you hate about Sam is that he's dominant, so I tried not to be." He explained while undressing me. "It doesn't seem to be working, so I guess I'll just have to do it my way."

"This is your way?" I asked as he laid me back in the grass.

"One of them." He told me leaning forward to take my nipple in his hot mouth. My answer was a loud moan. "Do you really think that I don't want you?" He asked before biting my nipple, he laved the sting with his tongue before moving over to my other breast. "I'm going to make sure you never make that mistake again." His hot tongue licked over the sensitive spots on my breasts while his hands skimmed over my stomach and hips. He pinched and twisted one nipple while gently kissing along the curve of the other. Then he ran his fingers gently over the sensitive curve of my hip while biting and sucking on my nipples. His hands and mouth explored my torso until I was a panting gooey mess, begging him to make me come.

"Please, Paul, please."

"I'm going to have you screaming my name so loud Jacob shits his baby alpha shorts and phases with jealousy." The possessiveness in his voice was like a caress.

All I could do was beg. "Yes, please Paul."

With a growl, he tore my panties from my body and then kissed along my thighs.

"Paul!" I whined, shifting my hips, "please, please, please."

He ignored me and took his time, caressing down my legs and kissing every sensitive spot right down to my feet. He was very gentle with my still swollen ankle, murmuring soothing words as he kissed the inside of my ankle.

I was nearly crying with need when he finally kissed his way back up my body. Finally, after a small eternity, his hot mouth descended on me. His tongue flicked over my clit and then delved inside of me, fucking me. As I squirmed and cried his name, he moved a hand to steady my hips, growling against my clit before sucking it into his mouth. The climax hit me so hard I screamed out his name just like he'd said I would. Before it was over, I felt him add a finger, slipping it inside of me as his tongue continued to flick over my clit. He pulled the finger out and added a second and as I felt myself coiling for another orgasm, he began to pump his fingers, curling them on the downward stroke.

His name was like a mantra now and I wasn't sure if I was begging him for more or to stop the intense feeling. I had never felt anything like it as the pressure crested and I came again, my body bowing in ecstasy.

I was still convulsing when he moved to cover my body with his. His heat seeping into me as I begged him, still unsure if I was begging for more or for him to stop as I was pretty sure the intensity of what he was making me feel might kill me.

I felt the tip of him at my entrance and he lifted his hands to my face, framing my head so that our eyes held.

"I have never and will never lie to you Bella. I want you. I wanted you before I imprinted on you. Its one of the things I hated most. That the fucking leech got to touch something I wanted. Now you are mine." He growled the last.

"Paul." I could only moan his name, as I attempted to rock up onto him.

"Mine." He growled again.

"Yours, yes, please Paul." I forgot the pain in my ankle as I wrapped my legs around his hips trying to pull his body down to mine.

He wouldn't let me look away as he pushed into me slowly. I could feel my eyes rolling back in my head at the feel of him stretching me as he slid gently home. He held still, his eyes meeting mine a moment longer before he bent to my ear and whispered, "I'll never lie to you Bella, because I love you."

I gasped and he began to move. There was nothing slow or gentle about him now. His body slammed into mine, as he growled above me and I panted his name, urging him to take me harder.

When he growled and I felt him climax, the heat of his semen pulsing against my cervix. I tumbled into an orgasm so explosive I was screaming his name, arching against him and blackness was creeping over my senses.

A short time later, I blinked open my eyes coming to my senses curled in Paul's arms, both of us still naked; he was smirking at me. "I think even the non-wolves on the rez might have heard that."

I punched him in the arm with the little strength I had. I still felt entirely boneless. I had never ever had an orgasm that intense in my life.

"This one time, and never, ever repeat this, but Sam was right."

Paul laughed, "He's right a lot, trust me."

"Why do you let him speak for you?"

"I don't." I lifted my eyebrow at him in question. "Sam took the lead with explaining things to you because I refused to and because I'd have torn a few chunks out of Jake if he had."

"Why?"

"I'm a possessive asshole and baby alpha and I don't get along."

"Baby alpha? You've called him that before, why? Did Sam make him his next in line or whatever it is?"

"Jake, by all rights of the blood lines is supposed to be alpha. He just never stepped up."

"Why?"

Paul shrugged, "He didn't want the responsibility. He didn't want to be a wolf."

"Neither did any of you."

Paul shrugged, "Baby Alpha never cared to step up."

"Wait." Something hit me then, "Alpha? Jake couldn't speak to me because of an Alpha order but if he was meant to be Alpha then…"

"Then if he really wanted to he could have broken Sam's order, taken the pack and gone to you." Paul completed my thought.

"He didn't do that."

"No."

"For my own safety."

"Yes."

"What about Billy?"

"Billy?"

"Yeah, Billy. Or the kids in school or your friends."

"We separated ourselves from old friendships. You saw that with Quil."

"So what if Quil confronted Jake about it in school and he got angry and phased, not only would the secret have been out but kids could have gotten hurt. Why was I so fucking special? How come Billy could live with a temperamental new werewolf but I didn't even warrant a proper goodbye? Not even a fucking phone call." Paul opened his mouth but I cut him off before he could say anything "You know what don't even try to make excuses. I don't want to hear about it."

"I need to get you to a hospital. We need to get that ankle x-rayed."

"It's fine."

Paul just rolled his eyes and pulled on his shorts and then helped me to dress. Now that I was thinking about it again, the pain in my ankle really was bad.

We drove in silence to the Forks hospital and then sat in the waiting room to see a doctor. Neither of us spoke for the two hours we were there. Nothing was broken but it was a really bad sprain.

"You just passed the turn off to my house."

"_Our_ house is in La Push and I'm taking you there."

"No." Paul ignored me. "Don't you have to do what I want or some shit? I want you to take me home."

"No I don't and I am taking you home."

"Paul."

"Bella."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Taking you home?"

I rolled my eyes and instead of fighting with him, I decided to try to get some of the answers I wanted. "Why don't you and Jake get along?"

"I'm an angry possessive asshole who doesn't give a flying fuck about anyone but himself and the pack. Jake on the other hand is an entitled little pansy puppy goody boy who thinks sun shines out of his ass. I don't get along with him because he puts himself above the pack, he still wont embrace what we are, he's selfish and that is dangerous for us and more recently because he thinks he has a right to question my relationship with you."

"Why didn't you want to deal with the imprint yourself?"

"One, because you didn't know me from the escaped mental patient down the block, two because I was freaked out and didn't want to fuck it up and three because Sam is my friend as well as Alpha. He's the only one besides Jared I trust with everything that I am, not because he's pack or Alpha but because of who he is."

"When I got here everyone was either solicitous or glaring at me, why?"

"We all like Charlie. He's a good man and he's really been good to Sue and she has always been a godsend to us. We want the best for them and he missed you. Also because we're wolves, we have excellent hearing and we don't like our alpha being attacked."

"Attacked? You mean berated for being a domineering prick who thinks he has some right to a say in my life?"

"I mean that the guy saved your life and you wont even give him a chance to explain why he did what he did."

"I did, safety of myself and secrecy of the pack."

"Those were his reasons as Alpha. Maybe if you stopped attacking him at every turn and gave him the chance to relax and be himself you'd see the real Sam."

"The one who broke Leah's heart by going after her cousin without giving her a reason for ending their relationship? Or the one that guilted Emily into being with him?"

"Guilted?"

"Never mind. It's between them."

"Fine, let it be between them and stop brining the other imprints between us. We were fine until a few days ago. You were happy living with me."

I turned to look out the window, I didn't have a response, I had been happy. I'd felt peace I hadn't known before.

"Bella?"

"Paul." He pulled to a stop outside the house. Looking at the house reminded me of the state of the inside and of Sam and Emily's home. "What was the fight at Sam's about?"

"The pack drew a few lines in the sand."

"What lines?"

"Sam challenged Jake to take Alpha."

"You mean Jake challenged Sam."

"No," he sighed, "Sam demanded Jake take his place."

"Why?"

"Sam is, well not exactly only human but he's fallible like people are. He made a mistake with you and Jake threw it in his face. Tensions were high and shit happened."

"So did Jake take command?"

Paul shook his head, "He knows Jared and I will never follow him. I don't think Sam can ever fully give over the power of Alpha either. It's a part of him now."

"So if Jake tried to take it, he'd have to fight Sam?"

"I don't know but the pack would be split. Quil and Embry stood with Jake, Collin and Brady with us. Seth didn't want to choose but Leah went with Jake so he followed her."

"An even split." I mumbled.

"Not exactly."

"Why?"

"Sam has been Alpha a long time, he's connected to his wolf more than Jake because he has embraced what he is and Jake still resents it. Jared and I have both embraced this life as well, Jared more than anyone. Leah might be faster but Jared is connected with that form, he's fast, smart and he doesn't hesitate."

"That leaves you and the twins."

"Seth wouldn't want to fight. He'd go easy. Brady and Collin are perfectly synced together, they've always been on the same wave length, used to sharing thoughts so the pack mind never phased them and they are able to use it to their benefit in more ways than even Sam, Jared and I who've been living with it longer."

"And you? Sam said you're his best fighter."

"I'm the angriest bastard in the pack. Used to be I fought in school. Taking a hit doesn't slow me down; I've been taking them since I was a toddler. I use the anger but it doesn't control me, I separate my emotion from the situation so I'm clearheaded in a fight."

"So if there was a split Sam would have the stronger pack."

"Unless the twins changed, yes. If it were only the three of us the fight would not be a good one for us."

"Is the pack splitting?"

"No. It was a fight Bella. Sam wanted Jake to step up but I will never follow him and made that clear. We all drew a few lines had a bit of a fight and moved on. Fighting in the pack happens, we just usually keep it far from the houses and the imprints."

"Couldn't he just Alpha order you to follow him?"

"Yes and no."

"How?"

"He would have to compel my every action every minute of everyday and he's not strong enough to do that."

"I thought an Alpha order is absolute."

"I accept and submit to Sam's rein over me, this acceptance gives him more power than if I continually fought against his authority."

"So if Jake tried to give you an Alpha order you could fight it?"

"I don't know but I'd try and there are ways to manipulate an order. For example, one time not to long after I phased, Sam ordered me not to pick a fight with a kid in school I had some issues with so I had him pick a fight with me. Orders have to be worded just right or they'll leave loopholes."

"What would happen if he tried to fight you to make you submit to him?"

"I'd kill him." There was no hesitation in his answer. It wasn't arrogant or boastful just simple, direct and matter of fact.

"So what now?"

"With us?"

"With the pack." I clarified, the us part could wait a minute longer. I wouldn't get

any more answers after we went back to talking about us.

He shrugged, "Nothing. Sam is alpha, the pack worked out some of its aggression and we'll go back to being our normal, fucked up family. We just have to get the imprints sorted."

"Get us sorted?" I snorted at him.

"Bella, you and the girls are our soul mates."

"No, we aren't Paul, we're your imprints."

"It's the same thing."

"Is it?"

He growled again, "Yes. Damn it. It is. You and I are meant for each other."

"Like Sam and Emily or Jared and Kim?"

"Yes."

"Except that Sam is still in love with Leah and Jared never even noticed Kim in the two years they shared advanced math."

Sam's not in love with Leah. He loves her, sure, but he is in love with Emily and he'd chose Em everytime. He did choose Em. Jared didn't notice a lot of girls, well he noticed them but he and I were both focused on leaving here. I might have fucked around but he was focused on school, he didn't want to date some girl and then break her heart by fucking off with me after graduation."

"Sam didn't choose Emily, he imprinted on her, the choice was taken away and even Emily can see he still loves Leah."

"And Kim?"

"She's loved Jared forever and he didn't even care to speak to her or be her friend until he imprinted. She wasn't worth his time and she has to live with it everyday. Do you really think any of them don't see, can't tell that as much as you all need them you all resent the imprint? I don't want that Paul. I will not love blindly and let myself be broken again."

"So you refuse to be with me because I imprinted?"

"I refuse to jump into pretending to be part of this happy little family when it's all lies."

"So what then Bella?"

"Now you take me home and we do this the right way. Without the imprint crap." He frowned at me, looking so adorably confused. "We date Paul. You know, build a relationship like normal couples do. Continue getting to know each other. Let things progress naturally."

He sighed, "Fine." He turned to look at me, "Just remember this separation is on you. I want you here. I want you in my life and my bed. Me and the wolf both."

I nodded, "I guess Jared and Sam were both right Paul. I need you to be you. No lies or hiding things and I need time."

He nodded and turned over the engine to drive me back to Forks, but turned back to me first. "I can give you time Bella. I can give you any life you want here. I wish I could give you New Orleans and Paris or wherever but I can't, not with me anyways. If it's what you want, I can let you go. Like you said to Sam, I've learned to live with suffering, I hate that the pack will suffer with me but your happiness is more important. That is the imprint. I'm a selfish bastard and don't ever want to let you leave." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "This is my life Bella. I love who I am. I love what I am. Jared, Sam and I have all accepted our fate and embraced it. I'm happy. For the first time in my life, I'm happy. My life here is good. It's all I've ever wanted, now that you're here anyways. So I can give you any life you want. I have the money to buy you a business, move Lisa here and buy your Forks house for her. I have the money to buy or build you a bigger house. I have the money to give you almost any luxury, I just don't need or care for all that so I don't live like it, but I can afford to buy you all the designed crap, all the nice things in the world. I can give you any life here but even if I could abandon my responsibilities and my pack, I love living here, I love my family and my pack."

I nodded, "I'm not asking you to change Paul. I want to know you. I want to know why you love them, why you trust Sam and everything else about your life here. I want to be here. I just need time to know its all real."

He nodded and turned back to the front, shifting the truck into gear and driving us back to my house in Forks. When he parked, he turned back to me, "I'll leave you my truck.

I nodded, "I do love you Paul."

"You just don't trust that I really love you."

"I'm trying."

"I know."

It was all that we could say for now. I nodded and got out of the truck. He watched me walk inside and from the window, I watched him turn and walk into the woods to phase. I could feel my heart breaking a little. I hated hurting him.

I was surprised to find Emily had beaten me back. I had almost thought she and the others wouldn't be back. I was wrong. They all came. It hurt to hurt them. We loved them. We wanted our happy endings to be real though. We wanted, we deserved to be loved, not just needed; to be girlfriends and wives not just imprints.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

**Sorry about the wait. I'm on a road trip. I'll post when I pick up a signal but it won't be regular until I get home Labour Day weekend. Hope you enjoy. **

It was the worst for Emily. Once she had been sure Sam was ok, they talked about what had happened at their house. Sam had been focused on Leah siding against him. Emily had gotten up, kissed him and then walked out. She was done.

Jake and Holly had just fought, Jake had been angry about things, he didn't want any of them to side with him, he didn't want to be alpha, it was all just because of how Sam acted to me. Holly yelled at him about being selfish, about thinking about himself over the pack and over her but for once someone was going to put her first and that was Holly herself. After saying that, she had simply walked out. Seth had gotten angry with Jenna, blaming us for contention in the pack. She had just smiled at him and said he wouldn't have to worry about her causing any more contention in his life, flipped him the bird and left. Jared hadn't hurt Kim, she hadn't fought with him, he'd run home and pulled her in his arms, comforting her and swearing he hadn't been hurt and then he just assumed she was home and life would be the same. Kim didn't agree.

Paul was the only one who had tried to understand. I loved him more for that. He respected me. Edward never had. My relationship with him had never been real. It was why I needed the one with Paul to be. I was so in love him. Edward was nothing, not compared to Paul. He made me feel peace, confidence, love; he made me feel strong and beautiful. Paul didn't make me feel not good enough but he made me want to be better. He made me want to be everything he needed.

That night us girls talked for hours. I learned more about them and shared more with them than anyone ever before. I had never known anyone, nor had anyone known me the way the five of us knew each other by morning. Over night, they had become my sisters. We ran each other down, pointing out our weaknesses and mistakes; we built each other up, sharing in our strengths and giving our unconditional support and love. By the time the cloudy sky lightened with the gray of dawn I knew I would do anything for these girls, give anything to secure their health and happiness. First thing that meant was helping Emily and that meant talking to Sam.

While my sisters slept, I took Paul's truck and drove out to the reservation. Sam came out as soon as he saw the truck. His expression showed just how surprised he was to see me pulling up to his front door.

"What are you doing here?"

I was surprised his voice held no malice. I was sure he would accuse me of having purposely set out to hurt him and the other wolves. I had after all once stated I would help the imprints leave them. "I came to talk about Em."

"Is she alright?"

"No."

"Will she let me make it better?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Love her."

"I do."

I shook my head, "You love Leah."

"I did, once. Now I love Emily."

"You still love Leah."

He ran his hand through his hair, "Was I supposed to just turn it off? Forget good years? Yes, I loved Leah. She didn't deserve what I did to her but Emily is my world."

"Emily is your imprint. You had to love her. You chose to love Leah."

"No."

We weren't going to get anywhere that way and I didn't want to fight with him. He was Paul's brother and Emily loved him. I needed to try. "Sam." I swallowed. "Why did you make the choice you did? You said my eyes haunted you. Why did you choose to hurt me? Not the alpha decision to protect his pack but you. Why did you decide it was the best thing for me?" Paul had told me it wasn't the same thing and now I had to know. I needed to know Sam, to let go of the resentment to help Emily.

He looked away, but after a moment, he answered, "He would have hurt you. Jake would never have given you up. He'd have done to you what I did to Leah. It would have been worse Bella. You loved him but not like that."

"Is it guilt then? Do you still feel guilty for hurting Leah?"

He looked back to me, "Don't you understand? What I did to her, it was worse than what that leech did to you. I didn't leave. I stayed here; I stayed here and married her cousin. I disappeared without explanation for a month; I came back and ignored her. Harry had asked me to stay away from her, to protect her. Then her cousin came to comfort her and within a week, I had bedded her. Within a month, she was living with me. Everyday Leah has to see us together and to make it worse, she was then forced to live in my head. I can shield my thoughts now but I couldn't before. She had to see how much I loved Em, how every thought I had centered around Em. She was, she is a good woman and I have to live everyday of my life knowing that I hurt her. I hurt her like that leech hurt you. If it weren't enough, I also have to live with the anger and hatred I felt for her after I had hurt Emily. She could see it, could feel it through the pack mind. I had phased to close to Em because of her and for a time, just a heartbeat, I hated her for it. Emily is my life, my world, she is perfection and because of Leah, because of me she was hurt." He moved back and sat on the porch, "I loved Leah, I love her as my pack sister and what I did to her is as wrong as what I did to you, but I still believe it was the better option, that I made the better choice for you. The leech had already hurt you; I couldn't allow Jake to do to you what I did to Leah. I couldn't allow you to suffer that again."

I walked over and sat next to him, "Maybe I needed it. That extra push to make me leave, to make myself strong."

"Are you and Paul alright?"

I shrugged, "The imprint is fine."

"Not what I asked."

"No." I smiled at him, "And yes, Paul and I are ok. We're working on building a relationship, starting from the beginning."

"Good, that's good." He nodded.

"You should try it."

"She left me." The pain in his voice was pure. It was an agony I recognized. This wasn't voodoo; he loved her.

"So show her she is more than an imprint. Give her time and space, and just love her. She knows you need her, let her see that you want her too."

"Why are you helping me?"

"I don't hate you. I wanted to. I learned that anger was easier than pain. I didn't heal, I let myself stay broken, I tried to run from the pain and hide who I used to be but I'm not sure I like who I became either. I hurt Charlie. I did to him what the Cullen's did to me."

"We all had a part in that. I had a part in that. It's why I wanted so bad for you to stay after you first showed up."

"Paul thinks of you as a brother."

"I think of him as one. Jared to. All the pack is our family but the three of us share something more than being wolves. I can't explain it. I'd do anything for them."

I nodded, "I love him."

"He really does love you to."

"I think I know that."

"So why aren't you with him?"

"I need to be sure its real."

"The imprint doesn't make us love you Bella. It makes us see you, makes us need you but the love is real. Emily is everything beautiful and good in my life. She is the reason I get up in the morning, because when I wake up I get to see her. When I hold her in my arms, everything is right in the world. I can face anything as long as I have her by my side."

"I believe you."

"Help me."

"Did you know that before she moved here to be with you, Emily wanted to be a nurse?"

"She never told me."

"No, because she'd have to commute to PA and hates how she looks. You might have thought you were being supportive by letting her hide here but by not encouraging her to go out, you taught her to hide who she is and how she looks not because its hard for her but because its hard for you, because every time some one reacts to how she looks it hurts you. She became everything you needed and wanted because she felt so guilty for how much you hurt because you'd phased near her. She knew you still loved Leah and hated that because of the imprint she took that choice away from you. She felt like she needed to be everything for you to make up for the fact that it wasn't her you wanted. She became what you needed and lost who she was."

"I only ever wanted her to be happy."

"Then you need to learn the same lesson I do."

"What?"

"Let go of the past. Let go of the guilt for scarring her and let go of Leah. I have to let go of the anger and Edward."

"You are much stronger than you realize."

"I'm scared Sam. I was always just scared. I'm trying though and I never meant to hurt this pack. I didn't set out to separate all the imprints."

"No," he shook his head, "This was coming. I think deep down we all knew it. We can feel their unhappiness. We just all pretended. It was easier. I guess we were all just scared to."

"She loves you, you love her, just give it time, talk about things, build a solid foundation. Imprinting isn't a solid foundation. It's just a beginning, an arrow to a person you need in your life to balance you, to complete you. Maybe that is a mate and maybe it isn't, for Paul and maybe you, I think it is but there needs to be love and trust, respect and understanding."

"Where do I begin?"

I smiled at him, "I'd suggest asking her on a date."

He laughed, "You think she'll say yes?"

"It's worth a shot." I shrugged, "The woman did marry you after all."

He chuckled, "Yeah, she did." He took a deep breath and let it out, "How do I fix the Leah thing? Show her I choose her? I care about Leah but I want Em."

"Choose her. There is no magic Sam, no grand gesture, no proof, there is only love and faith. Paul has already given me so much love and trust, I know that he respects me, I know that he has chosen me and I choose him to. Now we just need to get to know each other and let it grow into more."

"What about Jared?"

I sighed, "I wish I knew."

"He does love Kim."

"She doesn't feel it. She and Jenna both feel like they were the women Jared and Seth got stuck with. That the wolves resent the imprint and so resent them."

"What can they do? What can Jared do? How does he build a foundation? Does he take her on a date to?"

"I honestly don't know. I think maybe he needs to talk to Kim."

"What did she want? Before the imprint I mean."

"Kim, as you know wanted Jared to see her. She wanted him to notice her and I guess you should be careful what you wish for because he did. Now though she's afraid he's only with her because of the imprint and if he hadn't imprinted then he'd never have looked at her let alone chosen her. She wants to be his choice, not his only option. I suppose its what we all want."

Sam nodded, "You'll look out for each other? Call us if there is anything? I know your house isn't far but it's not on the reservation. With the Cullen's gone I can extend patrols out but that will only tell us no leeches are around, it wont tell us that you're all ok."

"None of us are ok Sam. I don't think any of them have been for a while but we're working on it and I promise one of us will call if there is anything."

"Thank you." I smiled at him again and stood up, walking towards the truck. "Hey Bella." He stopped me so I turned back to look at him. He sighed, his eyes meeting mine, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You'd still make the same choice though."

He nodded, "Yes."

"Thank you for being honest." I smiled sadly, "I think I might be glad about it too." At his questioning look I clarified, "I'm still damaged from Edward. Jake hurt and so I've been angry but I think if we'd been together when he imprinted on Holly, it would have actually broken me. So thank you, for hurting me, to protect me. I think I see now how hard it was for you to do and now that I can understand why you did it, I'm almost grateful."

"Thank you for taking care of Em. If you need anything, just let me know."

I nodded and smiled opening the door to the truck, "A teacher. Kim wanted to be a teacher."

He nodded, "Thanks."

I got in the truck and drove back to my house to talk to the girls.

Emily was already awake and in the kitchen.

"Kim's just left for work, do you want breakfast?"

"No thanks." I smiled at her, pouring myself a mug of coffee.

"Where were you off so early?"

"I went to talk to Sam."

"Oh."

"He loves you Em."

"Oh." Her hand went to her stomach and she moved over to the table to sit down. "What? I mean, why did you? What did he, what did you say?"

"He cares about Leah."

She looked down at her lap, her hands clenched together as she twisted them together, "Of course."

"He loves you." She looked back up at me as I spoke, "He feels guilty. He hurt her and she didn't deserve to be hurt like that. He cares about her and is sorry for her but he loves you."

"I don't, I mean, what, well, what do I do now?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I, well, I want, I want," she paused in thought. "I don't think I really know."

"Do you still want to be a nurse?"

She thought for a minute and then nodded, "Yes. I want to do more than stay home. I want to help people."

"Then I'd say the first thing you do is look into schools."

"What about Sam?"

"I have a feeling he'll show up before to long with a plan to win you back and show you that you are his choice."

"Thank you Bella. For all of this, for giving us the strength to face our fears and stand up for how we feel."

I shrugged, "All I did was show up. Holly did this. She left Jake, she gave us all the strength to talk about it and to be honest with ourselves."

"Will you go talk to Jake?"

"I'm not sure there is anything to say."

"Isn't there?"'

"Maybe, but I'm not sure I know what to say or where to start."

"What about the others? How do we help them?"

I shrugged again, "I don't think we can. They'll just have to figure it out for themselves. All we can do is be there for them."

She nodded again, "We can do that."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"Will you help me look into the nursing program in PA?""

"I'd love to, maybe I'll take a class too. I liked the ones I took with Lisa, we just didn't have the time and energy to keep it up."

"You must miss her."

"Yeah, I do. August and Etienne too but they have a life in New Orleans, Lise and I never really did. We existed, working from one day to the next, keeping busy, never slowing down so that we didn't have to think or face the past. I don't miss New Orleans or my life there at all. Paul was right; I was tired, running myself down and a hairs breath away from crashing from it all. Lise is in the same boat. We just couldn't stop running."

"What was she running from?"

"She never said and I never asked. We never talked about the past or our families."

"I hope she finds peace."

"Me too." I smiled at Em, "I think I'll call her later, check in."

"Call who?" Holly asked yawning as she came into the kitchen.

"Lisa Anne." I answered getting up, "It can wait until tonight though. Emily and I are going in to PA to look at the school, want to come?"

"Sounds like fun, Jake can handle the shop today."

"I'll call Jenna's house, I think she needs some back to school things." Emily said getting up from the table as well.

Two hours later and we were wandering the college campus. Jenna had called long neglected friends from school and was spending the day shopping with them. We were happy for her. By the end of the day, Holly had signed up for a class in advanced mechanics and computer sciences. Emily had applied for nursing school and I had information in business classes for me and teacher's education and a couple extra brochures of programs for good measure for Kim.

That night we opened a couple bottles of wine and went through all the program information, we ordered in pizzas and watched a couple movies, choosing ones that revolved around university.

The next morning we woke up to Angela bringing us breakfast.

"Morning Ang." I yawned coming into the kitchen.

"Bella. How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Fine thank you, Jenna said you were all looking into going back to school last night."

"Yeah," Kim grinned coming into the kitchen and pouring coffee, "Bella and I are going to bring in our applications today."

"That's great." Angela smiled at her. "What are you studying?"

"I used to want to be a teacher so I was looking into that but I think I'm going to take accounting instead. I already know a lot from Jared and I really enjoy helping him. I think it would be a great job." Kim answered with a grin.

"I'm going into the nursing program, if they accept me. I always wanted to be a nurse and Bella is going to take more business classes."

"Jenna looked at our applications to and I think she's decided that next year she's going into computer science with Holly."

"Holly's going into computer science?" Angela asked surprised.

"Yeah, she wants to take one advanced mechanics class and a couple computer sciences."

"I used to want to take photography classes." Angela said softly.

"So why don't you?" I asked sitting down.

"My dad didn't think it was practical. He wanted me to go into the ministry. He hasn't spoken to me since I moved in with Quil without being married."

"I'm sorry Ang. I didn't know."

She shrugged, "I never said. Anyways, it's fine. I've accepted it now and I do talk to my mom still sometimes and my little brother. I took young childhood education for my mom. I do like it, most of the time the kids are great."

"You should look into photography classes, if its what you want Ang. You shouldn't live your life for other people." Holly told her, pulling her into a hug.

"You should come with Bella and I today. Have a look at what they offer."

"I already know." She blushed. "While I was taking classes before, I looked into it."

"Do you still want to take those classes?" I asked her. She nodded. "So let's get you an application."

She smiled at me, "Thanks Bella."

Kim, Angela, Emily and I decided to spend the day in Port Angeles again. We wandered the campus and went shopping. Holly and Jenna met us for dinner and then a movie. It was a good day but we were all feeling the absence of the boys. Two days felt like a long time not to see them.

I guess it was for them to because Paul, Jared and Sam were on my steps when we got back.

I jumped out of the truck, walked directly into Paul's arms, and kissed him, "Hey."

"Hey." He replied, kissing me again, this time with enough heat to singe my toes.

I blushed when he finally pulled away, though he still held me securely in his arms, "What are you boys doing here?" I asked him, reveling in the heat his body seemed to feed into my very soul.

"I came to ask you to dinner."

"We ate." I told him a little sad.

He laughed, "Not now. Tomorrow. For a date."

I grinned at him, "Ok."

He grinned back and then kissed me again. I wrapped myself around him and wished I could just hold onto him forever.

"Leave!" Kim's angry voice broke me from my Paul bubble and I pulled away from him to see her hurry past, tears in her eyes.

My eyes met Emily's and together we turned to Jared.

"What did you do?" Emily asked quietly.

"I have no fucking clue." Jared answered before turning to me, "Bella, please, help me."

"What can I do?"

"I don't know. Fuck. Talk to her. Tell me what to do. How do I fix this? I don't even know what's broken. What did I do? What am I doing wrong?"

I smiled sadly at him, I honestly liked Jared, I had since the beginning, "Just give her a little time. If I can help, I will."

"Thanks." He sighed running his hand through his hair. "I'm staying with Paul, just call me if there is anything you or she needs."

I nodded, "I will." I squeezed Paul's hand and moved past him to the house. Emily kissed Sam's shoulder, followed me up the steps, and moved past me into the house when I stopped to turn around. "You know, its not enough just to love someone, I think its something all of you wolves forgot, as though the imprint just magically bound a relationship up in a bow for you and you didn't need to try. I might not be the authority on healthy relationships but I do know that it takes work, compromise, respect, honesty and real love to make it through the years together without growing bitter and resentful for something as binding and demanding as this imprint business."

I turned back and walked into the house to find Kim.

She was in the living room with Emily and Holly who had gone into the house as soon as she saw our wolves on the steps.

"What happened?" I asked sitting in Charlie's old recliner.

"Nothing." Kim said looking away.

"Kim?"

"I don't know if I can do this."

"So go home to him." I got up and moved to kneel in front of her. "If you want to be with Jared, then just go home to him. You can work things out there."

She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks, "That's just it." She whispered, "I don't know that I want to."

"Kim?" Emily asked squeezing her hand.

"I love him. I really do but I don't think I can go back to that life. I'm so angry with him and with myself. How could I have been so stupid, so naive? I wanted him to notice me and then one day he did and I let myself believe it was this great fairy tale but its not. He never wanted me. My whole life with him is a lie and I can't live it anymore and I don't know if I can ever believe it's not a lie, a part of the imprint magic."

"I'm not going back to Jake." Holly said rubbing her back, "we can be imprints without being with them. It will take time but it will be ok. It was hard today, working with Jake but I could see how it would work. It will be ok."

"You're really not going back to Jake?" I asked her surprised.

She looked at me, "Why? Do you want to date him?"

"No." I shook my head, "I love Paul. I'm just surprised."

She shrugged, "If he ever really falls out of love with you, then yes, I'd consider starting a relationship with him. I don't really think that will ever happen. Jake needs to grow up. He lives in a dream world. He seems so happy and laid back but underneath it he's scared, angry and selfish."

"I'm sorry Holly." I met her eyes, "I never meant to come here and put a wedge in your relationship."

"You were always a wedge in our relationship, I was just able to let myself be blind to it while you were away. It's not your fault. Jake just can't seem to let you go and that's on him, not you."

We talked for a while longer before going to bed. It had been a long day and we were all tired and emotionally drained.

The next day I called Lisa. I missed her crazy ass. I was also feeling very emotional the last week or so. I suppose it wasn't surprising considering all that had been going on since I had gotten that wedding invitation.

"Well hola bitch." She answered on the second ring. "How are things down in chilly Washington?"

"Good. Still hard but you know, I suppose it's all worth it."

"Is it?"

"You ok?"

"Just been thinking. You know I count on you to be here to keep me from doing that. Now you've gone all, face the past and heal or shit and it's got me thinking."

"Well, it might help to talk about it." I settled onto Charlie's old chair in the living room, "I'm a pretty good listener. You know, not as good as I am at slinging drinks or singing sad jazz but still not bad."

She laughed a little, "I miss you bitch."

"I miss you to heartless."

"You happy up there?"

"Yeah, I think I am. Why, you maybe want to give small town life a try?"

"I'm thinking of leaving the city but you wont ever see me moving to the cold assed north. We'll just have to keep up with technology until the cold gets to you and you follow the sun south again."

"Oh, I don't think I'll be doing that. Not more than for a short visit anyways." I let her change the subject. If she didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't push.

"I'll maybe brave the northern elements for a visit one day too."

"Any time."

"It might be a while though."

"Things ok there? You get another roommate? Need anything?"

"Things are good. Like I said, I miss you, August and Etienne do to but we are all good. I'm living with a friend of theirs, nice guy, he cooks and doesn't bring guys back home so we get on fine but he's not you."

"I miss you to."

"Well, like I said I doubt I'll be here much longer."

"Where will you go?"

"Taking a page out of your book and going home."

"Yeah?"

"I figure it's about time I faced my husband."

"Husband?" Now that had to be the biggest surprise of anything I had ever been told, and I knew vampires and werewolves. Lisa Anne did not do commitment.

"My high school boyfriend and I got married, I was sixteen and he was seventeen."

"Pregnant?" I asked quietly.

"We had a little girl. Talia. His twin brother took her for a day so we could go out just us. They both died in a car accident. She was three."

Lisa and I were both crying into the phone, "I'm so sorry Lise."

"I still love him you know. It's why I never wanted to date. Deep down I still just want to be with Jason. I just had to leave, I couldn't stay there, everything in town and on the ranch reminded me of Talia and then I didn't know how to go back."

"Just get on a plane and go." I told her quietly, "It's hard, but you need to go home. Let yourself heal."

"I miss my baby girl." She sobbed. "I miss her every minute."

"I know."

"I blamed him. I blamed Jason for sending her with Jordan. He knew his brother was irresponsible. I didn't want to leave her with him but Jace swore it would be fine." Her words were broken up by her sobs, "It wasn't fine Belle. My little girl, my perfect angel."

"Lise. God Lise." I cried with her. Holly had come into the room and sat holding my hand while I cried into the phone with my friend. "I'm so sorry Lisa."

"I didn't mean to blame him. I didn't really, I was just so broken Belle, my baby, I just wanted my baby back. I still loved him, I still love him."

We cried together over the phone, "Go home honey. Go home and talk to Jason."

"What if he's moved on? What if he hates me for leaving?"

"You'll never know until you go home and he wont hate you. You lost your daughter; no one has a right to judge how you heal from that honey. I don't even know how you begin to heal from that."

"You Belle. You helped me heal. Getting stuck in that desert and meeting you was the best thing to happen to me in a long while. I really needed a friend like you."

"I needed one like you to. You helped me Lise. You gave me the strength to come home. I'd never have accepted that invitation if it weren't for you."

"You going back has given me the strength to go to Belle."

"You'll keep in touch? Call or email ok. Let me know how things are?"

"Always. You to alright? Apart or not I'm here for you bitch."

"Me too heartless."

"I'm off to book that flight while you've bolstered my courage."

"Take care of yourself girl."

"You too. Mad love."

"Mad love."

I ended the call and wiped at the tears still falling.

Holly gripped my hand, "Everything ok?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

She squeezed my hand again, "Ok."

"Lisa lost a daughter a few years back. I never knew."

"Oh." Sadness replaced the concern in her eyes, "I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine. That poor girl."

I nodded in agreement, "She's going home. Going to work things out with her husband."

"You ok?"

I nodded, "I think I just need to call Paul."

She nodded in agreement, "Why don't you head down to see him."

I sent her a smile and nodded. I felt a little numb and dazed as I got up and took my keys. I walked out into the rain, hardly noticing the cold or the fact that I was walking barefoot on my still sore ankle.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**Please review. **

I climbed into the truck and drove to the house. It was Jared who came out at the sound of the engine.

"Paul?" I asked him.

"Patrol." He answered. "You ok?"

I burst into tears. "Shit." Jared jumped off the porch and jogged over to me, he hugged me, "Its ok Belle, just come inside and I'll go get him."

Jared led me into the house. He sat me on the couch and disappeared, a minute later he reappeared with a towel to dry my rain soaked skin. "As he dried me off, he ran his hands over me checking for injury. "Just wait right here, I'll get Paul."

I just sat, teeth chattering until Paul strode naked into the house thirty seconds later.

"Bella!" His voice was filled with concern and pain as he pulled me into his arms. "Baby, what happened? Tell me who to kill."

I chuckled through the fresh tears and clung to him, breathing in his scent and relaxing into his heat.

"I love you." I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Please Belle, you're scaring me. Tell me what happened."

"Lise was married. She got married at sixteen because she was pregnant."

"Did he hurt her? I can fly her here today. I can protect her Belle."

I shook my head, it was still buried against him, "She loves him and he loved her. It was her daughter, her baby girl." I began to sob again, "Talia. She died. She was three and she died and Lise couldn't take it so she picked up and left." I cried harder, "Her baby died Paul. I never even knew she was married. We never talked about the past. We were both hurting but her baby died Paul. Nothing, nothing could compare to that. I can't even…" I hiccupped as I sobbed, "Oh god Paul, I can't even imagine if it was us. What if our daughter died?"

"Our daughters not going to die Bella." He rubbed my back. "Its terrible. I can't even imagine what they went through but our daughter isn't going to die."

I shook my head again, breathing him in. "I only thought about losing you, about you leaving me but what if you die Paul? The other day, I thought, oh god, I was so scared you were hurt. What if you died? What if our baby dies? What if we have a son and he's a wolf and a vampire kills him? Or a sweet little girl who gets hit by a car or oh god Paul. I can't lose you, I can't lose our babies."

He gently rubbed my back until the sobbing stopped.

"Better?" He asked after my breathing started to go back to normal.

I pulled a little away from him so I could look up at him, "What will I do Paul?"

He ran his fingers over my still damp cheek. "I'm not going to die Belle. Well I will, one day, we all will but I'll be careful, I'm always careful and we will do everything in our power to keep any future children we have safe."

"What if Jake takes alpha and fights you? What if the pack splits, you'll be fighting your brothers, you'll hesitate." I sniffled.

"The pack isn't splitting. I told you, we fight, brothers fight, we heal, its fine and like I said, I can take Jake if he were ever dumb enough to actually challenge me. He isn't or he would have done it after I first imprinted on you."

"If the pack is weak though because us girls aren't with you or because you're fighting and a vampire gets through, if you don't have each others backs, the blonde will get you, or another one. Paul, what will I do alone? What if they got our babies?"

"The pack always has each others back. We fight Bella. Brothers fight but we are the only ones we ever allow to mess with each other. We always protect each other. The pack is strong, bigger than it has been in a very long time. There are no guarantees Belle but I'll stay safe and I will protect you and our babies."

I nodded and stepped into the warmth of his arms again. How could you live with a loss like that? I could barely comprehend losing Paul but our child? Oh god, Charlie, poor Charlie, what had I done to him. For three years, he didn't even know if I was ok.

"Take me to Charlie Paul. Please."

"Sure baby. You go upstairs and put on dry clothes and some shoes ok. I need to go let Jared know you're ok and call Sam."

"Oh god Patrol. You were on Patrol, someone is out there alone."

"No, I was running with Quil, Jared's out with him now. I'll take Jared's run tonight. Just go on and get changed."

Half an hour later, Paul and I were both sitting at the kitchen table with Charlie, Sue and Leah. I couldn't help but cry again as I hugged my father.

"Bella?" His concerned voice only made me cry harder. What had I put my father through?

"She's ok." I heard Paul assure him. "she's just had an emotional morning."

"An emotional morning?" Charlie spat, "What the hell did you do to my daughter Meraz?"

"Don't yell at him." I said pulling away from my father. "Paul's only ever been perfect to me."

"It's alright Belle. He has every right not to like me with you. I've pulled enough shit that my reputation would be terrible for two men to share." He turned his attention back to Charlie, "I honestly couldn't really give a shit. I never have and never will care about what people think of me. Belle is the only one who matters and as long as she lets me I will be in her life and the minute I can get her to agree I will make her my wife and I will not allow anything or anyone to come between us, ever."

He and Charlie held each other's eyes in silence for a minute before Charlie nodded, "Well alright then. How about an early lunch?"

"Leah, start up something." Sue told her daughter taking my arm and leading me out to the porch.

"I'm fine Sue. Really. It was an emotional morning."

"What happened?"

"My friend from New Orleans, Lisa Anne, she told me about her past. I swallowed back the lump in my throat. She had a baby girl that died."

Sue let out a sad puff of air, "That's terrible. The poor girl."

I nodded, "I'm so sorry for making Charlie worry like that. I hate what I did to him."

She nodded, "You're here now, it's what matters."

I nodded and sniffled, "I'm still so sorry. I can't imagine. God if Paul and I lost a child."

"You love him."

I nodded and wiped at the tear that had escaped, "Very much."

She smiled and nodded though she still looked concerned, "How have you been feeling?"

I shrugged, "Fine, tired but I've just been adjusting."

She shook her head, "Tired, emotional, you've been eating more?"

"Yeah, Paul is always making sure I'm eating and my appetite has slowly been growing."

"I don't think so."

"Sue?"

"You had a boyfriend in New Orleans?"

I shook my head, "No."

"But you've been with Paul." I blushed. "Let's run on out to the store."

"No, I'm not. I can't be…"

"Let's just run out for a second." I followed her nervously out to her truck and climbed in.

"I drank this week. Two nights the girls and I got drunk." I started to worry. I'd know. I had to know something like this.

We drove to the drug store and I numbly followed her inside.

"Hey Sue."

"Karin, this is Bella, Charlie's daughter. Bella this is my friend Karin, she's the twins mother."

"Hello Karin." I murmured politely still distracted.

"Hello Bella." She smiled warmly.

"We'd like a test and to borrow your bathroom." Sue told her quietly.

Her eyes shot to me and she nodded, "Of course. You go on back and I'll bring it."

Four minutes later, I had peed and was standing staring at the counter. I wasn't sure what I wanted to see on the two tests sitting on the counter.

Sue knocked and came in, she took my hand and squeezed. "Just remember, you already love him and he loves you. Whatever it says, you two will be just fine."

I nodded, "Can you look?" I whispered.

She squeezed my hand again and stepped a little forward to pick up the first test. She looked, put it down and picked up the second. Her expression gave nothing away.

"It's negative isn't it?" I was surprised I felt upset about that but looking at her expression, I changed my mind, "It's positive? I'm pregnant? Oh god. A baby. Am I ready for a baby? What if something happens to him? What if he's a wolf? How do you do it? I'd be crazy. Oh god my baby." I put my hand over my stomach, worried for my perfect child already. Mine and Paul's baby. It filled me with as much warmth as anxiety to think it. Sue was still expressionless, "Oh god its negative isn't it. I'm not pregnant." I bit back tears. "It's not like we planned it or are ready I mean tonight was supposed to be our first date. We're taking things slow, building a solid foundation for a relationship, we didn't want to rush, a baby would be rushing. Hell, we'd be sprinting and maybe he doesn't want kids yet. It's for the best." I rambled, trying not to cry.

"It's positive. Both of them are positive. They say you are five to six weeks, smart pee sticks I suppose but I'd still suggest we take you to the clinic."

I backed up and sat down, pregnant. I was pregnant. How did this happen? Did I want to be pregnant? Oh god. I got pregnant the first time I slept with Paul, that first sweet, slow, love had cemented the bond, not just the imprint, I was pregnant. More than a voodoo imprint bound Paul and me together, we shared a child, a life already growing inside of me.

I was numb as Sue hugged me and then led me to the car and drove back home. I was still numb as we walked back into the house.

"Where did you two go?" Charlie asked looking at us. "You need to pick something up from the store?" He asked looking at our empty hands.

I looked at Paul, still numb, "I'm pregnant." I whispered.

Paul and Charlie were both just staring dumb struck.

"Pregnant?" Paul whispered. "We, I mean, a, damn." He ran his hand through his hair and his eyes met mine, those eyes that always seemed to swirl with emotion and draw me nearer to him, "Am I supposed to apologize? Or, what? Hell. I've always been careful. I just, with you, I never even thought about, I mean, damn. Am I supposed to be sorry?"

I bit back tears, "What do you really feel about it?"

He sighed his eyes never leaving mine, "Happy." He swallowed, "I want you, I want a life together, a family."

I grinned at him as I felt tears spill out my eyes, "I love you."

Paul got up and pulled me into his arms, "I love you Belle." He kissed me deeply and then laughed, "A baby. We're having a baby."

When we refocused on what was going on around us Charlie was still just sitting there staring at us, "Dad?"

He swallowed and forced a smile, "I, well, shit Bells, congratulations I guess." Charlie turned his head a little focusing on Paul, his expression darker, "You take care of my baby."

Paul grinned at him, "Belle and our baby. I'll always take care of them." He turned back to me after Charlie nodded, "We can turn the downstairs rooms in to a nursery and play room or we can build an extension if you want a bigger house, maybe a den and I'll put swings in the yard."

I laughed, "It's a little early for swings and we don't need a bigger house Paul, its already plenty big."

"I'll call Jared and get him to transfer some of the investments in Seattle into a college account. I'll have him put in enough to get him through his Phd if he wants. Also I need to call the lawyer again. I already had you added to my will but we'll get the baby all set up to and we should take you to the doctor. Damn you shouldn't even be walking on that ankle and it's a good thing you refused pain meds. I'll call and see what you are allowed to take, no better just take you in and you need those baby vitamins and lunch, you're eating for two now, you need to eat."

"Paul," I laughed as he ranted, "Paul, its fine, I'm fine, the baby is fine. We still have a long time before the baby comes."

He hugged me to him again. "I'm going to take care of you, of both of you."

"I know."

"I love you Belle."

"I love you to Paul. Come on and lets eat some lunch and we can go tell Sam and the others."

"I saw you worked things out with him. Thank you."

"You were right. I understand now. He's maybe not half bad."

Paul laughed, "Sure, sure. Come on, you need to eat."

We had lunch with Charlie, Sue and Leah. I had forgotten about Leah. The three of us left together.

"Congratulations." Leah smiled at us, "The first pack baby." I wasn't so sure about that, I had my suspicions about Emily but I wouldn't say anything.

I smiled at her, "So much for slowing things down I guess."

She shrugged, "Seems pretty real to me and all you two did for six weeks was talk and get to know each other. What more is there to dating besides uncomfortable dresses and restaurants?"

I laughed, "Nothing I guess."

"Hey Bella."

"Yeah Leah?"

"Tell Em, tell her, if she wants to talk, well, family is family, I know I've had my issues but, I'm around if she wants to talk, you know."

I nodded, "Yeah, I will."

She nodded back and left. Paul tugged me into his arms, lifting me into his truck. He didn't close the door though. Instead he steped closer and took my hand, "Where do I take you Belle? Will you come home now? Are you ready to give our life together a real try?"

I leaned over and kissed him, "Yes, but we need to talk about a few things."

"Like what?"

"I'm going back to school. Baby or not I don't want to be a house wife."

"Do whatever you want." He said with a shrug, "I'll finance a business if you want to start one after school, the pack is a unit, we'll always have baby sitters, we can work around each others jobs just like we do with patrol."

I grinned at him and kissed him, "I love you."

"Anything else?"

I shook my head, "Nope. Just, well, maybe you could give me a couple days to make sure the girls will be ok. Kim is really upset right now. She needs Em and I. Holly and Jenna need us to."

"Emily is not as upset?" He asked with a frown.

"Deep down she knows he really loves her. I think they'll work it out. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if she moved back in with him sooner than later now that they are actually talking about the Leah thing."

He nodded, smiling, "Good." His relief didn't last long. "Kim's not doing so well though? Is there anything Jared can do?"

"I don't know." I looked away from him.

"Belle?"

"It's just, she, well, I'm not sure if."

"Oh god," he groaned, "You don't think she'll go back to him."

I bit my lip and nodded, "She just doesn't believe he loves her, not beyond the imprint. He never even noticed her before it and they were in the same class for two years Paul. Two years. I get the not wanting to date and hurt someone by leaving and that but how do you sit next to someone for two years without speaking to them or noticing them at all?"

He frowned, "Is that what she thinks? That he never noticed her?"

I rolled my eyes, "Everyone here knows that all she wanted was for him to notice her, to like her. Now she has to live with him knowing he resents imprinting and being forced to be with her."

"Come on." He kissed her and closed the door, jogging around to the drivers side.

"Where are we going?"

"Get Jared. I just realized something and I think Kim will be going home much sooner than you think if all she wants is to know he cares without the imprint."

"What? How? Paul?" I asked him confused as he drove us quickly through La Push.

"Where is Kim?"

"At home with the other girls by now."

He nodded and spun the car into a driveway.

"Jared!" He called out the window, not stopping the engine. Jared came out of the house, "Get in beside Bella."

I scooted over the seat and Jared got in. "What's going on?"

"You never told her. If you want to get her back, I think it's all she needs."

"What?" Jared and I asked him at the same side.

"That you saw her, that you wanted her, before the imprint. She thinks the imprint the only reason you are with her or even ever looked at her, that you resent imprinting."

"Damn." Jared clenched his fists against the slight tremble. I knew he wouldn't phase though. I was still confused at what was going on though. Paul drove straight to the Forks house and Jared jumped out and yelled for Kim.

She came out on the porch followed by all the other imprints, even Angela and Jenna were here this morning.

"Jared?" Kim asked looking from him to me. I just shrugged and waited like the others to see what the hell was going on.

"You wore red, every year on the first and last day of school. You always twirl your pencil during an exam while you thought about a question. Tenth grade you cut your hair to your shoulders with bangs, it was cute but I always liked your hair the way it is now, long to your waist. Your first date was with Parker Ellis, I wanted to hit him, Paul did it for me since he knew I wouldn't but it sure made me feel good to see him with a broken nose. You always tutored Mary Darren on Thursdays after class, I could see you from the field, Paul and I always hung out there because I wanted to see you. Your favorite book was Pride and Prejudice; you read it several times. Math was your favorite subject but you did better in calculus than algebra. From ninth through eleventh, you always painted your toes coral in the spring and wore an anklet with coral beads. Senior year you changed to a bright pink nail polish and wore a simple silver anklet; you still wear that one but only after April 15th. The anklet only ever appeared mid April. You always drank milk or lemonade at lunch, never soda. You preferred the back left corner of the library where you sat on the floor leaning against the wall. It was quieter than at the study tables." Tears were streaming down Kim's face as Jared spoke, "I noticed you. Long before the imprint, I wanted to know you, to be near you. I knew if I was though that I would love you and I was leaving, Paul and I were getting out of here as soon as we graduated. I couldn't do that to you. I never really paid attention to girls in school because I only ever wanted you. Then I became a wolf and the only thing I was angry about was you. I wasn't leaving and I still couldn't be with you. Then you looked up one day and the whole world disappeared, and I knew nothing could ever matter more, not my brother, not my pack. You were my imprint and I could be with you, I was made to be with you. I'm sorry if you thought I didn't love you. I should have tried harder, I should have made you see that I love you, that I wanted you from the moment I first noticed you. It was the second week in ninth grade when Miss Carol left for maternity and they combined classes for three weeks before they could get a replacement in. You were so fucking smart and sweet, you blushed when you answered a question, shy to speak in class. Every year I liked you more. I noticed you Kim, every fucking day I saw you and I wanted you. Ask Paul. For years he tried to get me to just talk to you but I was scared. I was leaving and you were to fucking good for me anyways."

"Jared." Kim sobbed and ran off the porch, jumping into his arms her legs wrapping around his waist, she kissed him while she cried. "I love you." She told him between kisses.

"I love you. I always loved you. Imprinting on you was my greatest dream come true." He pulled away to look her in the eyes, "never, not for one second have I ever resented the imprint. I've only ever been grateful and I'm sorry, I am so fucking sorry you ever felt that I did. I love you, more than anything. I've always loved you."

Kim kissed him again, "Take me home." She told him.

I smiled at them, happy for them both.

Paul tossed Jared his keys and the two left, wrapped in each other. Kim still crying as Jared kissed her and told her he loved her over and over again.

I turned back to the other girls, That was Kim sorted and I was still pretty sure Em would go back to Sam soon. It only left Jenna and Holly.

"I'm moving back in with Paul to." I told them.

"You sure Bella?" Emily asked flicking her eyes to him quickly and back to me.

I nodded, "I love him, I know he loves me. We might be skipping a few steps but we talk and I think that is the most important thing."

She nodded, "Ok Bella."

"I'm also pregnant."

The three girls stared at me in surprise. Then Emily broke into a grin, "Congratulations!" She laughed and came to hug both me and Paul.

I laughed and hugged her back. Then the other girls came over to hug us.

When we'd all hugged and I'd told them how I found out and when I thought I'd gotten pregnant. I finally turned to Emily. "Paul and I were just going to tell Sam, want to come?"

She swallowed but smiled and nodded, "Sure."

Together the three of us got into her car and drove out to her house.

"Sam must be out." She said as she got out of the car, "Shit, this place is still a mess."

"He's been running a lot of double patrols the last couple of days." Paul told us. It's helping to distress us. I'll go find him." Paul left and Emily and I went into the house to finish with the cleaning from the wolf fight.

"So?" I asked Emily as we worked.

"I'm really happy for you Bella."

"I'd be just as happy for you." I hinted.

She blushed, "how long have you known?"

I shrugged, "It was just a guess. The way your hand went to your stomach when I told you he really loved you. Then I remembered that you weren't hung over the other day and I guessed you were drinking just the mix and the alcohol but I wasn't watching while we drank so I couldn't be sure."

"I drank the night we were all talking here. It wasn't until the next day I thought maybe and then I took the test and went to see Holly. I was really freaked out and it was just one more thing to trap Sam and I just couldn't, I needed to," she sighed, "I don't know what to do."

"Sam loves you Em. He'll be so happy about this."

She nodded, "It's just," she sighed and sat down, "I know he loves me but he still loves Leah and I can't help but think that he still wants to be with her, under the imprint. I know he loves me but he loves her to so who would he choose? The wolf chooses me but does Sam?"

"I think that underneath it, they are the same. Maybe that's what Paul's been trying to say since I got here. He, Sam and Jared have embraced what they are, who they are and the wolf is a part of that. The part of Sam that couldn't love Leah, that maybe had doubts, that part is the wolf but its still all Sam."

"So what about Jake?"

"Jake doesn't love me. He only thinks he does."

"No." She shook her head. He's loved you since he was like four.

Jake barely knew me growing up, he became my best friend for a while after Edward but I think he loved the idea of me more than me. I think maybe he loves a me that he created in his mind but that is someone I have never really been so he doesn't really love me, not like Paul does. Paul loves me exactly the way I am, he doesn't want to fix me or change me. He wants to take care of me but if I am angry or sad or happy he wants to share it, not take it away. Paul accepts and loves who I am not who he wants me to be."

"Do you think he could love Holly?"

I shrugged, "Part of him does. I don't know if he's ready for that kind of relationship. I don't know why he hasn't let go of the past. Especially the past that never happened."

"You think I should come back to Sam? Tell him about the baby?"

"Whether you come back to him or not, you need to tell him about the baby."

"I miss him."

"Do you know what you want?"

She sighed, "To become a nurse, to have my family, to be with Sam but not have to worry about being the perfect wife to him or that he secretly was wondering what it would be like if it were Leah instead of me he was married to."

"Maybe like with Kim, its you thinking these things and not Sam. You should talk to him about it. Talk to Leah."

"I stole her fiancé. Leah tolerates me because of the pack but our friendship ended the moment I chose Sam over her."

"You're family Emily and she loves you. She even told me she was here if you wanted to talk."

She nodded, "Yeah."

We made iced tea and waited for Paul and Sam. Sam glanced at Emily with longing before focusing on me with a wide smile, "Congratulations Bella. This is wonderful news. The first pack baby." I stood up as he came over and hugged him.

"Thanks Sam."

"You'll be," He paused and then reworded what he had been about to say as a question, "Will you be moving back to the reservation?"

I smiled at him, he was trying not to sound like he was ordering me around and I appreciated it. "Yes, Paul and I are going to build a life together and prepare for the baby."

"Anything you need, you let me know, the pack will help with everything, we're family."

I smiled at him again, "Thanks Sam."

"It's not." Emily spoke up quietly.

Sam looked over at her, pain in his eyes, "We are a family Em, I know we're a little messed up but"

She shook her head cutting him off, "Not that. Of course we're family. I mean the baby isn't the first in the pack." He frowned at her, "I'm nine weeks." She whispered. Sam just stared at her like Paul had me. "Sam?"

"I, uh, you're, I mean, we, a baby? Our baby?" Emily nodded still nervous. Sam's face broke into a grin and he pulled her into his arms and spun her around, "A baby. Our baby. We are having a baby." He kissed her and then rested his forehead against hers one large hand moving to her stomach, "Our baby." He smiled and kissed her lightly before stepping back. "You need to eat. Both of you should eat and sit. You need food and rest, vitamins and to see the doctor. I'll send the guys over to make any changes to the house you need. Maybe you could move in with Paul and Bella for a little while, to at least be on the reservation. Or here, with Bella going home Jared will move out and I can stay with him. You should be at home where you'll be comfortable and the pack can take care of you, both of you."

Emily wrapped her arms around Sam's waist, hugging him to her, "I love oyu Sam."

"I love you, so much Em." He rested his cheek on top of her head. I could see the love and pain in his eyes as he held her. I was surprised he didn't just expect her to move home and back into their marriage. "If your going to be driving into Port Angeles everyday I also think we should get you a new car, maybe an SUV if you and the girls are going to car pool."

"Sam?"

"You can still go to school pregnant Em and when the babies come we'll work something out, we'll make sure both babies are taken care of and you and Bella can finish school and work without worrying because one of the pack will be with them. We'll work it all out."

Emily squeezed her eyes shut as a few tears escaped and her arms tightened around him. I knew before she spoke that she wasn't going anywhere and she didn't want Sam to either. Three imprints home in one day and their relationships stronger. We all still had our issues but I knew we'd all work it out. That just left Holly and Jenna. I didn't see those two happily back in loving relationships with their wolves though, at least not for a while yet. Then again, I had been wrong with Kim. Maybe I would be again.

I wasn't. The weeks began to pass quickly and Jenna went back to school. She spent a lot more time with her old friends than she had been since Seth imprinted. She still spent a lot of time with the pack but she refused to take Seth back. She told him they could be friends and he was working on that. Holly was still working at the garage, now though it was part time so she could take her classes. Embry worked with Jake most days. I gave her my house in Forks but Paul bought a house in La Push, which was dubbed Imprint Haven. Charlie sold our house to a nice young family.

Once a week all of us girls would meet up at Haven to watch movies, the none pregnant girls would have a few drinks, we'd have dinner and talk about everything. Things with Kim and Jared were going great and they were talking about having a baby. They were talking about everything these days.

Emily still had concerns about Leah but the cousins were talking now and I thought it helped. It also helped that Sam opened up to Emily about Leah and how he felt about everything. Things we're perfect and none of us pretended they were but everyday we worked at our relationships a little. We worked on our relationships with the entire pack and the only ones I still had problems with were Jake and Embry. Jake I just wasn't sure what to do yet or what to say. I was happy with Paul and he hated that. Holly said he'd phased in the house after he'd heard I was pregnant. It was hard for her and I told her I'd understand if she hated me a little. She didn't. She was sad and hurt but not angry with me. Embry I didn't understand. When I had known him things had been fine but he really seemed to dislike me. Anything to do with a leech in the area and he seemed to look to me first, as though it were my fault leeches passed through the area or that the blonde was still causing them trouble. I couldn't understand it but it was his problem. If he didn't like me then fine, I just stayed away from him, which wasn't hard since he stayed away from me.

Sam and I still fought. We bickered about everything. He still ordered me around sometimes and I still ignored him or snapped at him. The look on his face had made me laugh through the tears. Emily just shook her head at us. She thought we acted like siblings.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**This story is rated M. Some scenes will be graphic so please if you are under 18 do not read. **

**So this is it. Hope you've all enjoyed the story. Any requests for what I should write next? And yes for those of you waiting, I am working on the basic outline for Luna Rising and it wont be long before the first chapter is up :o)**

**Please review. **

Things were going well, for three months everything was, well not perfect, but good. So of course something had to happen and its never just one thing to go wrong.

It started with Jenna going on a date. The date wasn't with Seth. I felt bad for my stepbrother. Since she left him, he had been a little less the happy go lucky puppy he had been when I first met him. I guess he figured she would go back to him if he just gave her space. Instead, she had settled on being his friend and when the head of the baseball team asked her out, she agreed. Seth went nuts. The wolves all tried to calm him down and when the anger faded, he was just sad and defeated. My heart broke for him. He was a great guy, he just needed time to learn that relationships took work.

The next thing to happen was the return of Victoria. Embry made sure to throw it in my face that a vampire was once again here, a killer trespassing on the reservation because I was here. Paul always let me fight my own battles but when Embry took a threatening step towards me, it was to much for him.

We were in the yard, gathered for a pack meeting when Embry glared at me, "It's you she wanted before so why is she back here? How many people here will die because you had to bring vampires here?" He spat at me.

"I have no idea why she's here. As far as I know she was going after the Cullen's."

"Great, so the Cullen's are coming back? Is that what you want? Is that why you're here? So the blood sucking murderers will come for you? Maybe hoping they'll save you from the big bad wolf."

"Fuck you Embry! I came back for Charlie and stayed for Paul. I don't have some mental line to Victoria to know why she's back or what she wants. I didn't bring her here and she might have been here for me before but I have no idea why she is back. I didn't bring any of them here."

Embry growled stepping closer, "All you've ever done is bring trouble here. I bet the brat isn't even pack. Who knows who you were fucking in the city." He took another menacing step towards me his hands shaking lightly.

Paul shot up, yanking me behind him and growling angrily, "Back off, now." He was trembling and I stepped away to give him space in case he was going to phase.

Embry ignored him, "Maybe we should just give you to her and see if it stops them hanging around."

Paul snapped and punched Embry, breaking his nose.

Embry growled, shaking heavily and Paul jumped him, both of them phasing. I watched in terror, but it was obvious Paul was not only stronger but a better fighter. He had Embry pinned by the throat in under three minutes.

Paul growled lifting his head, pulling Embry's up by his neck and then slammed it back down.

"Paul, back down now!" Sam ordered.

Paul growled but let go and moved back to my side. My head barely reached his shoulder as the wolf. I rested my right hand in the fur of his neck and my left against the mound of my tummy.

"Embry, phase." Sam had turned his attention away from us. As soon as he was human, someone tossed him shorts.

"You ever threaten Bella again and I'll kill you." Jake growled.

Paul growled at him in response.

Jake stepped forward but I gripped Paul's fur and he stayed in place, still growling.

"Jake, back off, Embry what the fuck is going on? You don't ever even joke about harming an imprint."

" All she has ever brought is trouble!" Embry spat.

"It's not Bella's fault the leeches are here. She has never done anything to any of us."

"Right." Embry snorted.

"Fuck you Embry Call." I spoke up; I didn't need Sam to speak for me.

"Not if you were my imprint and thank fuck that you aren't mine, it's just to bad you had to be any ones. We should have just let the dread locked leech fucking kill you and put us all out of our misery."

I stalled at that, tears coming to my eyes. What had I ever done to Embry to make him hate me enough to want me dead?

While I had paused, Paul had attacked Embry his claws tearing strips out of Embry's human chest before Embry phased.

I heard Jared swear and then phase. He knocked into Jake before Jake reached the fighting pair.

Sam yelled "enough!" but the order didn't split the fighting wolves. He phased and Holly tugged me into the house as the entire pack phased and joined the fight. I had never been so afraid. All of us congregated on the porch watching our wolves in concern, our hearts jumping with every yelp as teeth and claws met targets.

Sam broke them apart with growled orders until all of them lay on the ground, panting and growling but unable to move from the weight of Sam's orders holding them down.

After a few minutes, which I was sure Sam was giving them orders, Jared phased.

"Sam wants all of you to go home. It'll be safer while we get things sorted here. Em, Sam wanted me to ask if you would go with Bella." She nodded and he turned to his imprint, "Will you go to? I'd feel better if you were together."

Kim nodded, "Are you alright?" She motioned to him, a bite on his side was bleeding.

Jared shrugged, "It'll heal in a few minutes. It's not deep."

"Paul?" I asked, my eyes on the silver form of my boyfriend.

"He's fine. Minor shit only. Hell I'm worse off than that fucker." He sent me a weak smile, "He'll be home soon."

"Why don't we go to Haven?" Angela suggested.

All of the girls nodded and Kim went to Jared, gently running her fingers on his ribs just above the healing bite. He kissed her, "I'll come get you soon."

She nodded. "Love you."

"Love you more." He kissed her again and then let her go. All of us drove to Haven to let the wolves work it out.

"Why does Embry hate me so much?" I asked them as we settled in the living room.

None of them seemed to know. None of them had realized he did before. That he held some animosity yes, but we figured it was over the Jake thing, nothing like the anger and hatred he showed today.

When Sam, Jared and Paul came to take us home they all looked tired and beat up but any wounds had healed so they weren't bleeding anywhere.

"Everything ok?" I asked hurrying to Paul. "You aren't hurt?"

"I'm fine, you and the baby?"

"We're both fine." I told him hugging him. He kissed me, his hand running down to rest over the mound. It was something he always did and I noticed Sam always did with Emily, resting their palms over the baby as though to communicate their love into the womb. "What was that?"

"Embry has issues." Paul shrugged, "He won't come near you again."

"Paul?"

"It's ok Bella."

I shook my head pulling away from him, "No secrets."

"The red head killed someone up in the Hoh tribe the first time she was here. Embry was dating him."

"Him?"

Paul shrugged, "Embry plays for both teams, has since he was sixteen."

"He loved him didn't he?"

"Yeah." Paul nodded. "He loved him. They were each others first."

"Poor Embry." Paul snorted. "Paul!"

"It's terrible but he has no right to blame you or threaten you. If he does it again, heartbroken or not, I will kill him." Paul growled.

"Calm." Sam ordered him, looking over Emily's head at us. Paul took a couple of deep breaths and dropped his forehead to mine. "Bella, just try to stay away from Embry for a few days. Give him some space."

The next day I went to find Embry. I knew it would piss off Paul, especially since I was going alone. It was also against Sam's orders but I never followed Sam's orders.

I found Embry at the cliffs.

"Embry?" He turned to look at me, glaring. "I'm sorry. Paul told me and I'm so sorry."

He looked back out over the water. "Fuckers just saw everything in my head back then. Came as a huge fucking shock to Jake and Quil, it was the one thing I had never told them."

"What was his name?"

"Greg. His mother was a pale face and his father a native up on the Hoh reservation. We met when we were fifteen. I didn't understand how I could feel the way I did about him. I still liked girls but I was attracted to some guys to. I was crazy about him and he was openly gay for about a year. That summer I went up to spend my sixteenth birthday with him. Two days later and we were lovers. I've been playing both sides since but he's the only one I ever cared about and that fucking bitch, that evil blood sucking cunt, killed him. We only had a year together." There was tears in his eyes and his voice as he spoke, "A fucking year Bella, its not enough time, I needed more time with him but he's dead and that bitch killed him."

"She's back Embry. Who cares why? Hunt her and kill her. Maybe it will bring you some relief."

"Will it?" He asked turning to me. "It wont bring him back. He's gone, forever."

"I'm so sorry."

"I sometimes wonder if I would have imprinted on him. Can we imprint on the same sex? If it's about babies maybe that's why I like both men and women. I don't know." He ran his hand through his hair. "I loved him. I still love him." I moved to him and hugged him. "I didn't really mean it about you dying. I don't wish you had. Greg died that very day you know. The day we killed the dread lock leech. I didn't know for almost a week. It was terrible. I wanted to die to."

"I'm so sorry." I whispered hugging him tighter.

"I'd never risk you or your baby and it is Paul's. We can smell it. You and Em both have started to smell more like them. Sam says if he rests his head on Emily's stomach, he can hear the babies heartbeat. I shouldn't have said what I did."

"It's ok."

"I can't help hating you a little. I know its not your fault but."

"It's ok." I repeated.

"I'm sorry Bella."

"Me too, so sorry Embry."

We pulled apart and he sat on the edge of the cliff, motioning for me to sit next to him, "What do you think she wants?"

"I don't know. Maybe she changed her mind and wants to kill me after all."

"We will never let that happen."

"I know."

"If it's not that, I mean what if…"

"If she's back because they are heading this way?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "What will you do if the Cullen's come back?"

"Do?" I asked him.

"About Paul, the baby, the pack."

"I don't understand?"

"Will you go back to Cullen?"

I laughed, "Never." I told him shaking my head. "I love Paul. I like the life I've been making here with him. I love the pack. I really didn't want to but I do. I've let go of the hate. I'm still hurt and angry by the Cullen's. What they did was wrong and I don't think I will ever understand or accept what they did or why. I do with the pack. Sam made a bad decision but both options he felt he had were bad and he tried to pick the lesser of two evils. How Jake handled that decision was his issue. He could have dealt with things better or he could have embraced his fate and taken responsibility for the pack and made the decision for himself. He didn't. He wanted to blame Sam for making the choice but Alpha or not, it wasn't only Sam's decision or choices that affected my life."

Embry nodded. "He's still having a hard time with the Paul imprint."

"Why?"

"He and Paul never got along. They're to different maybe."

"Paul isn't just a wolf who imprinted on me or the father of my baby. I love him, we love each other."

"I know."

"Why is Jake so stuck in the past?"

"He doesn't want to be a wolf. Neither do I. We had dreams about leaving here."

"So did Paul and Jared. So did Sam and some of the imprints wanted to move away."

"Jake feels like being a wolf ruined the way things should have been. That everything supernatural ruined it all. That vampires and werewolves shouldn't exist and you and he would have gotten together and been happy. That was how things were supposed to be, but the Cullen's exist and we phased and you dated the leech and Paul imprinted on you."

"This is how things were supposed to be." I sighed, "I wanted to want Jake but the truth is that I never did. I only ever loved him as a friend or brother, not being a wolf wouldn't have changed that."

"Maybe." He sighed, "But it's what Jake believes."

"I thought he loved Holly."

"He does but he hates that the spirits chose for him."

"He needs to let go of the past and embrace who he is."

"You mean what he is."

"What he is, is a part of who he is."

"Maybe you should talk to him. He's the only one you haven't and he hurt to Bella. Breaking his promise to you hurt him and that you can forgive everyone but him hurts him more."

"He's never tried Embry. From day one, Sam tried, in his way, whether I wanted him to or not and I didn't. Jake avoids me."

"Only because you are always with Paul."

"I love Paul, he's the father of my child. Jake has to accept that. If he wants to be my friend, well an apology would be nice but I'd settle for him just acting like a friend, being around and accepting Paul in my life."

"They ruined everything."

"Who?"

"The Cullen's." He spat.

"They didn't bring Victoria here Embry. She and her coven were nomads. Maybe if the Cullen's hadn't been here, if James hadn't become obsessed with hunting me, if they hadn't protected me from him. There are a lot of maybes and what ifs Embry, but we can't know. Greg is gone and that is terrible but you can't live in the maybes of the past. It's the butterfly affect, change one thing and you might change it all, change that you ever met him. I wouldn't change my past if it meant maybe not having Paul or this baby today."

"How did you get wise?"

"I finally let go of the hurt, or at least most of it. I'm focused on the future I want, not the past or what I used to hope for. I'm not the same and I don't want the same things for my life that I once did. I made mistakes but regrets are futile, let the past go, learn from it and move on. Hold Greg in your heart but don't let the anger and pain consume you like I did."

"Why did you come to find me today?"

"To tell you that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that Greg died; he died because of me, because Victoria wanted to hurt the Cullen's by killing me. She thought I was Edward's mate and that he should lose his mate because he took hers. James died because they were trying to protect me and I'm not sorry to be alive, to be with Paul but I am sorry he died. Whatever his sin, or hers, she didn't deserve to know that kind of pain but neither did you and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I was the cause of this. Edward should have just let me die, it was the natural path of things that the supernatural diverted."

"Let you die?"

"There was an accident in the parking lot of Forks High one morning, it's what really got me thinking about Edward and what he was. Tyler had hit a patch of ice and his van spun out of control, slamming into the tail of my truck. I was standing at the rear tire right where he hit, I didn't see him, I was looking at the chains Charlie had put on the tires, thinking how sweet it was my dad had done that, gotten up early and put them on to be sure I was safe. Edward saw that I would be hit and ran at vampire speed to knock me out of the way. The truck curled around but he made sure it didn't touch me. I'd have died but for his intervention."

"Does Jake know?"

I shrugged, "No one does but the Cullen's. It's something I've had to live with though. The cost his saving me has been. James, Laurent, Greg all of them dead and so many others suffering, Victoria, you, Laurent's…" I paused thinking, "Shit."

"What?" He asked.

"You were right. I think I know the blond. Well not know her, I've never met her but I might know who she is."

"Who?"

"A Denali."

"Who?"

"A family that's like the Cullen's. They live in Alaska. Laurent went to them, to try the diet when James focused on me because he didn't want to go up against the Cullen's. He came back to look in on me as a favour to Victoria to see how hard it was to get to me. Then I came across him and he decided he wanted to have my blood for himself. He mentioned living with the Denali's and something about Irina understanding a slip. That he'd say the blood red of his eyes was from a slip but his eyes were red when I saw him so he'd already killed someone else. Oh god, she's here because Laurent disappeared in this area."

"Shit." Embry swore, shaking lightly, "Ok, back up. I'm going to phase, I have to tell Sam." He looked back at me, "Fuck."

"What?"

"I can't leave you here alone with those two running around."

"I'm fine, you'd smell if they were right here and I'll go straight home, just go!"

Embry hesitated only a moment before jogging into the woods. I faced out to the water and dropped to my knees on the ground. A few minutes later, a voice broke the silence. "Not from upwind he can't."

I turned to Victoria and one hand went instinctively to my stomach. "Please, please let me birth my child first, you can kill me after."

"Kill you?" She laughed and moved to my side, sinking to the ground beside me, "I already forgave you Bella. Besides, you are still my greatest revenge." I frowned at her in question. She reached a hand out to lay over my stomach. "Do you know what it is yet?"

I shook my head, "No."

"I used to want one, you know, before this."

"I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago." She replied with a shrug. "You'll be a good mother."

I looked at her in surprise. "I will be?"

She sent me a small smile, "I told you Bella. I forgave you."

"You also said I was still your greatest revenge."

"Oh yes, its better than I could have planned. The two of you, the three of you really, well it's a joy to know that I helped set you on that path. I'm also glad you were able to move on from all of this. A human child shouldn't know the suffering you did."

"No one should know the suffering you did."

"I've done the same to many, taken away those they loved. Your friend was only one but you're right, killing me might give him some absolution."

I blushed, "I didn't mean, I'm sorry Victoria."

She shrugged again, "Don't be Bella, just try to understand, I know you will."

"Understand what?"

"It's not your fault Bella. None of it is your fault. It was all circumstance outside of your power but what was meant to be is. You are living the life you ought to. The world just put you on the path, adjusting things around the decisions you and others made, guiding you to Paul where you were meant to be. Just like circumstances arrived, good and bad, to guide me and James together. We were separated by decades, almost a century really but we found each other because we were meant to. You and Paul were meant to be together, to bring this life into the world and maybe others. That's why I think that maybe you'll understand. You've had a hint at the pain and you know the fear and loneliness. Just remember, it's not your fault, none of it is your fault. Its just life." She smiled at me running her hand through my hair from my temple and down. "Be happy. Live your life and hold tight to your family, bad things come but they make the good so much sweeter."

I felt tears pricking my eyes, "Victoria?"

"I took care of the blond for you. It was my apology. Your life was my gift once, now my gift is the life of your mate and child. Irina is dead and no one will come looking for her. I took care of everything. Soon my greatest revenge will be complete and I will be free. I'll have avenged my mate. You take care of yourself and that baby. Life is a gift and a curse, live it well and forgive yourself and me, none of it was your fault."

"Victoria?" I asked again, tears streaming down my cheeks. She rose and turned. I pushed myself up hearing the growling behind me. All the pack was there, focused on Victoria. "Run Vic, go, live!"

She turned back to me with a small smile, "At least one will avenge the love I stole." She then turned and charged Embry. I dropped to my knees, a hand on the bump of my stomach, tears streaming down my cheeks as the wolves tore her apart.

I stayed there as they shifted back. Paul pulled me into his arms as the others built a fire and burned her. I stayed, watching the purple smoke rise, holding Paul until the sickly sweet smelling flames died down.

"Belle? Bella, baby, tell me you're ok? Tell me you and the baby are ok?"

I nodded still watching the embers. "She killed Irina for us. She came to protect me one last time and to die." I cried into him.

Paul lifted me into his arms and carried me home. I grieved for Victoria. For the pain she had suffered. She was right, I could almost understand. The loss of the Cullen's had been crippling, then Jake and Quil, it was almost too much and I'd been ready to let Victoria have her vengeance. The loss of Paul would kill my very soul. She lived to avenge James. Now she wanted peace, to be with him again. I held onto Paul and cried for her pain, for her death. It was all so terrible and all because Edward had saved me that day in the parking lot. As I began to hate him for it, to hate that I had lived and in doing so stole so much from so many but then I remembered her words. I held Paul to me and cried myself to sleep but I didn't blame myself. Life was a gift and a curse; all we could do was live it. What I said to Embry was equally true, we had to let go of the past of all the what ifs or maybes. Life is what it is, its fate driving us through the chaos of life.

Three days after the death of Victoria the Cullen's came into town. Paul was a wreck as we met them at the boundary line.

"Bella!" Edward stepped forward. "Are you alright?" He demanded with his eyes focused on my slightly protruding belly.

"Great thanks." I smiled at him, placing my left hand over my stomach and reaching for the fur on Paul's neck with my right.

"Bella?" Alice stepped forward.

I turned to her, "Are you all back to stay?"

She shook her head, "We came to check on you. Edward was trying to track Victoria and then we got a call from the Denali's about Irina." She looked sad, "Victoria killed her."

"We came to be sure you were safe. To protect you." Carlisle spoke up.

"We wont let her hurt you." Edward tried to sound reassuring but it was like he was talking to a child about protecting her from the monster under the bed.

"You didn't seem to have trouble hurting me three years ago." I snapped at him and turned back to Carlisle.

"Irina is dead because she wanted revenge for Laurent. The wolves killed him when he tried to kill me. The diet didn't work out so well for him, I guess Irina got tired of it to because the wolves saw her with red eyes not to long ago. Victoria killed her for me and my child, so that we were safe, so that Paul and the pack had one less threat. She didn't want me to lose him the way she lost James."

"Bella, Victoria is dangerous, I don't know what game she's playing with you but we can protect you." Carlisle spoke calmly.

"Victoria is dead, she committed suicide by wolf. Irina is dead by her hand but if the wolves had gotten her first, she'd still be dead. She came onto the reservation, she killed someone, she wanted to kill us. Thanks for the concern but I don't need your help. I can take care of myself and Paul can protect me from any vampire threat to come along."

"Bella, that dog is dangerous. You need to come with us. I'll take care of you. I'll make it all better. Carlisle can deal with the puppy and we'll take you away." All the wolves were growling at him, "I love you, I'm sorry I hurt you but I only left to protect you. I shouldn't have. I see that now, danger just finds you. I love you, you are my mate and I'll take care of you."

I smiled at him but my stomach was filled with bile, "You come near me or my baby and I will light you on fire and then watch the wolves piss on your ashes."

He looked shocked and actually took a small step backwards. "Bella?"

The wolves all just kept growling at them.

Edward turned his focus on Sam's large black form, "He wants to know how long we're in the area." He told Carlisle.

"We only came to be sure Bella was safe. Alice couldn't see her." He turned his focus on me, "We'd like you to come with us Bella. We've all missed you."

"Go to hell." I answered in return. "You all just picked up and left me like yesterdays garbage. I don't want anything to do with you and if you think I will let you anywhere near my baby you're fucking insane."

He nodded, "I'm sorry Bella, very sorry for everything. We only wanted to protect you, to keep you safe, even from us."

"Well, I am safe. I'm safe from you, safe from all vampires."

He nodded again, "We'll go then."

"No!" Edward growled crouching and glaring at Paul.

I laughed, "He'd tear you apart in under two minutes Edward. Compared to him you are a pathetic, whining virgin brat. Save your own skin and leave." I heard a huffing bark that sounded like laughter from the wolves.

He looked like I'd hit him and both Rosalie and Emmett were laughing.

"You grew some balls girl." Rosalie smirked at me, "I think I'd like this you."

"Thanks." I smiled at her.

"I was out voted Bella. I never wanted to leave."

"Yeah," I smiled sadly at Emmett, "but you did. It was your choice whether Edward wanted it or not." I sighed, "I'm sorry Emmett but I'm a wolf girl now, Paul's girl and he doesn't play well with others." Emmett nodded and I heard a few of the choked barks of laughter from the wolves again. I turned my attention to the tall silent form of Jasper, "It wasn't your fault. I never blamed you for any of it, not for one minute." I told him, trying to push the feelings at him.

He nodded with a small smile, "Thank you Bella. I am very sorry for my lack of control. I meant what I said in Phoenix. Don't forget that."

I smiled at him and again pushed my emotions at him. He smiled and nodded before flooding me with gratitude, sorrow and affection.

I focused back on Carlisle, "Will you be leaving then?"

He nodded, "Yes. We do not wish to intrude on your life. We are very sorry and wish you the best."

I nodded at him with a small smile. "Thanks and I'm working on the forgiveness thing but I'm not ready to make nice or forget. Also if your son breaks the treaty by even one toe on this reservation Paul will take great pleasure in tearing him to pieces and the other wolves would no doubt shred those pieces before letting me burn them."

He nodded in understanding and they left. I sighed and leaned into Paul. It had been a long week.

It seemed as though the past was finally laid to rest though. The Cullen's did leave and the weeks and months passed quickly with both Emily and I growing large with the children we carried. Kim fell pregnant not to long behind me and we were taking bets on when Angela would but she wanted to be married first. Paul and I didn't discuss marriage. For now we were happy with the life, we were building together. We knew it was forever without the fanfare anyways.

Jenna broke up with the jock but was still not ready to date Seth; instead, she was going on dates without looking to be in a relationship. Seth was still working on just being her friend and not beating up the guys that she dated. He did admit he wasn't ready for the ultimate committed relationship yet either so he was enjoying their friendship. They did seem to be closer than ever though and I saw a happy future for them, together, when they were both ready for it.

Holly was working with Jake and had agreed to go on a couple dates but she refused anything serious with him, or anyone. He was trying to let go of the idea he used to have for the future and embrace the life he had and with his laid back happy personality I had hopes he would but Jake it was also the laid back element of his personality that kept him from wanting to take the pack. I suppose bloodlines or not Jake just wasn't meant to lead. Maybe that is why Sam phased first because he could make the hard decisions.

Embry and I didn't become friends and Quil and I, while friendly, didn't hang out or talk much outside pack events. I did get closer to Jared and Sam, much to Paul's happiness. Sam and I still fought, often, but it was just the bickering of siblings. He was a good man under the authoritative alpha shit.

August and Etienne came down to visit before I gave birth. Etienne brought his friend and Embry imprinted. The pack was surprised when he imprinted on a guy but they were happy for him.

Lisa came for a visit with her husband as well. She and Jason were working things out. It was a long road but after seeing them, I thought they'd make it.

Jake and I didn't work things out, not yet at least. We spoke at pack events and he stopped fighting with Paul, which made me happy. It was a start, a slow one but a start.

Emily gave birth to a girl, Megan Laura Uley and they made Leah the godmother. Things between the cousins were not the way they had once been but were much better. A few weeks later, I gave birth to a son, Alexander Jared Meraz. Jared, not only for being Paul's brother but for delivering our son when I went into labor late one night while visiting with Kim when Paul had patrol. Kim gave birth two months later to twins, Sophia Belle and Sarah Emily.

Life went on with all its ups and downs; it was as Victoria said, a gift and a curse. I was grateful to her for it and tried my best to live it well.


End file.
